Monday, May 4, 2009

Did you miss me, baby, did you really?

It’s been a while and we have a lot to go over so we’d better get started. First of all, yesterday was Green Day, one of the best days of the year in Alaska. Once winter begins to release its grip, all the deciduous trees take on a skeletal look, all brown and twigs. This goes on for weeks and then one day, all the trees at once blossom with green leaf sprouts. It happens in one day and that day was yesterday. We have been having quite a heat wave.

Temperatures have been in the 60s and even 70s for more than a week now, very unseasonable for this time of year. I have been snowed on in the middle of May so this came as a total surprise. This was funny. The Bureau of Land Management people who care about these things reported one day they expected a mild wildfire season because it will be a cool and wet summer. That was the first day the temperature hit 70. Don’t those people even look out the window?

So, this happened too. I was backing in toward the door with a load of drywall. Yes. only I would find pleasant warm weather the time to refinish a bathroom. I spent two days indoors hanging drywall and a tub surround instead of doing something outdoors. Anyway I was backing in and about to pull forward again to straighten out the trailer when something fell out of the big cottonwood next to the driveway. At first I thought it might be a leaf but it had landed kind of heavy for that. Then it started moving a little. It was right in front of the trailer tire so I would have killed whatever it was and stopped. Then a squirrel came racing down the tree, ran over to it, picked it up in its mouth and headed off for the back yard. It had been a baby squirrel, almost hairless that had fallen out of the tree. Now, I don’t like squirrels, but I am still glad I didn’t run over it.

Despite the race into spring I haven’t seen the bloom of porcupines yet and the swans have not come back to the pond, either. As a matter of fact farmers are saying the geese aren’t back yet either and that worries them about a late, cold summer. Then, I saw two Canada geese yesterday right where Fred used to greet me last year, so only swans to come.

We had another cantaloupe moon last week but this time, underneath it, even at midnight, there was a line of daylight left on the horizon. Tonight there was even a little pink in that line of daylight.

That gets us back a couple of weeks to when I got a wild hair one day and stared a little decorative garden in front of the house. Got some ground contact timbers and framed it up and then called to get some topsoil, Problem is, springtime the roads only allow trucks half their axle weight, so no one is delivering yet. But I did have a nice talk with the woman who runs a nursery down the street.

Before that a couple of weeks I went with my son to Cleveland to see a Cavaliers game. That was fun but I do belong in Alaska.

Besides all that, dealing with the demise of the newspaper business has been a bit depressing. I don’t see much future for us, but I have to wonder what happens when they are gone? Like them or hate them, they are still the only source that is in any way trustworthy to watch the world and report on it. Who do we trust when they are gone? Keith Olberman? Bill O’Reilly? Aryanna Huffington? Any old blogger who comes along? Thomas Jefferson said once given a choice of government without newspapers or newspapers without government he would choose the latter. We may not even get the choice. Might have some new pictures in the near future and am feeling a little more like writing these days so watch this space carefully. Oh and I did hear a good joke last night.

This is a dumb person joke. We used to be able to say blonde, or Pollack or something but now it is just a dumb person. Substitute your favorite for dumb person if you like.

So, this dumb person is sitting at a table with a bunch of pieces laid out and is staring at a box.

A friend comes in and asks what is going on. The dumb person says I am trying to do this jigsaw puzzle and it is supposed to look like a rooster.

The friend looks everything over and says I don’t see how you are going to get a rooster out of that.

The dumb person says, I don’t even see where to start.

To which the friend says, “Why don’t you just put the corn flakes back in the box and we’ll go do something else.”

OK, well that should have you caught up to a certain extent. I feel like a bowl of cereal.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Interesting quotations

· " “Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth. Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.” Stephen King

The thing about ignornance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeareon Twitter

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Things sports announcers say

"… there's a fearlessment about him …"

"He's got to have the lead if he's going to win this race."

"Kansas has always had the ability to score with the basketball."

"NFL to put computer chips in balls." Oh, that's gotta hurt.

"Now that you're in the finals you have to run the race that's going to get you on the podium."

"It's very important for both sides that they stay on their feet."

This is why you get to hate sportscasters. Kansas beats Texas for the first time since 1938. So the pundits open their segment with the question "let's talk about what went wrong." Wrong? Kansas WON a football game! That's what went RIGHT!

"I brought out the thermostat to show you how cold it is here." Points to a thermometer reading zero in Minneapolis.

"It's tough to win on the road when you turn the ball over." Oh, really? Like you can do all right if you turn the ball over playing at home?

Cliches so imbedded in sportscasters' minds they can't help themselves: "Minnesota fell from the ranks of the undefeated today." What ranks? They were the only undefeated team left.

A good one: A 5'10" player went up and caught a pass off a defensive back over six feet tall. The quote? "He's got some hops."

Best homonym of the day so far: "It's all tied. Alabama 34, Kentucky 3." Oh, Tide.

"Steve Hooker commentates on his Olympic pole vault gold medal." When "comments" just won't do.

"He's certainly capable of the top ten, maybe even higher than that."

"Atlanta is capable of doing what they're doing."

"Biyombo, one of seven kids from the Republic of Congo." In the NBA? In America? In his whole country?

"You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive."

"They're gonna be in every game they play!"

"First you have to get two strikes on the hitter before you get the strikeout."

"The game ended in the final seconds." You have to wonder when the others ended or are they still going on?

How is a team down by one touchdown before the half "totally demoralized?"

"If they score runs they will win."

"I think the matchup is what it is"

After a play a Houston defender was on his knees, his head on the ground and his hand underneath him appeared to clutch a very sensitive part of the male anatomy. He rolled onto his back and quickly removed his hand. (Remember the old Cosby routine "you cannot touch certain parts of your body?") Finally they helped the guy to the sideline and then the replay was shown. In it the guy clearly took a hard knee between his thighs. As this was being shown, one of the announcers says, "It looks like he hurt his shoulder." The other agrees and then they both talk about how serious a shoulder injury can be. Were we watching the same game?

"Somebody is going to be the quarterback or we're going to see a new quarterback."

"If you're gonna play running back in the SEC you're gonna take hits."

"That was a playmaker making a play."

Best headlines ever

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair With Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve