Thursday, February 18, 2010

As if we didn't have enough to worry about

A fellow at work related this incident the other night. He had gone to a local supermarket, a formerly local chain now owned by Safeway. He noticed a special offering 10 cans of tuna for $10 and picked up 10 cans. Instead of going through the regular checkout where this might have been missed, he went to one of those new self checkouts. I don't use them personally because they remove another entry level job for young people, but that's another story. So, he checked his cans of tuna through. The first six registered a price of 99 cents. But, the seventh can brought a charge of $1.99. Two dollars for that can. Surprised, he asked the attendant what that was about thinking there was some mistake. The attendant, the one who's there for us techno illiterates, said he'd never seen that before and went to find out what the problem was. When he returned he had some rather interesting information. Yes, indeed the tuna was on sale with 10 cans for $10, but in the very small, fine print, it said there was a limit of six cans. Good grief. 10 for 10 but you only get six for that price. You have to wonder how many people miss that in a checkout line. Eventually the store gave him the 10 for 10 deal but you can bet other people paid the $2 for the last four cans without noticing. Limit of 6, indeed.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

You have to love Alaskans even when you disagree with them

Last week when "snowmagedden" just about paralyzed the East Coast and most of Washington, D.C., despite the government being mostly closed, both Alaska senators made it to work. And, that's not the best part. When they got there one of them found five people from Nome already waiting in the office for a meeting. You can take the girl out of Alaska, but you can't take Alaska out of the girl.

On a more somber note, yesterday I noticed the spring frosting. That is when the days are warm enough to soften the top layer of the snow. Then it freezes overnight and that crust looks all shiny like a glazed donut. The problem is those conditions create avalanches and today two people and maybe a third were killed in avalanches. One of them was the president of Conoco Phillips Alaska.

It reminded my of the time I watched my son head off into the mountains on his brand new snowmachine a few years ago. His buddy had a full backpack and at first I wondered what for since they were only going to be gone for an hour or so. Then it hit me. When they came back we headed straight to the sporting goods store and I spent about $600 on gear for him: a locater beacon, a breakdown shovel with snow probe in the handle, small first aid kit, a folding saw, space blanket, super flashlight, a signal mirror and some other things. I felt a whole lot better next time he went off by himself.

To give you an idea what he might have had to deal with. One time the road out of Valdez was closed by an avalanche in Thompson Pass, the area in the U.S. that usually reports the heaviest snowfall for a year. Record is more than 900 inches. Ok, so when they said on the radio that a one-way lane had been cleared through it, I headed out. When I got to the one lane through the avalanche chute, I reset my odometer. All of this snow was higher than a pickup and when I came out of it I had gone 4.7 miles. That avalanche was almost five miles wide by the time it got down to the road. I am not easily impressed but, oh boy, I was that day. Difficult to get your head around the power let loose there.

I go through a small avalanche area on the drive to and from work, and believe me I drove through it just as fast as I dared tonight.



Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Winter's kiss

Most often January is the coldest month. It seems for two or three weeks in January the temperatures go to the deepest all winter often down into the minus 30s. This winter not so much but we had a touch of it. At the same time the skies are clear and the sun shines brightly but there is no warmth in it. You look at the clear sky and the bright sun and have to wonder why there is no warmth from all that gaseous fire. Folks in McGrath had a term for it: When I was there one winter during this period they looked at the sky and called it "severe clear." Then as the days grow longer moving into February it changes. Right now we already have 8 hours and 22 minutes of daylight. At this point the sun hits the house but it rises and sets twice. Morning sun comes through the trees but then it goes behind the mountain only to rise sideways again in the afternoon. And, as all this happens there is one day in February different from the others. One day outdoors or maybe driving, at a pause you feel the first touch of warmth on some bit of exposed skin. I have most often felt it on my cheek. It tells you there indeed is warmth in that sun and that little warm kiss tells you there is an end to winter and all that's needed is patience. It is like that first little kiss of blossoming love. It holds that much promise. Today was that day. On the way to work with the sun shining through the side window of the car, it touched my cheek and I felt its warmth, felt that winter kiss and it puts a little spring in the step with all the promise it holds. This is something I have never mentioned to anyone before but I was describing it to a couple of people at work and one fellow said, "yes, I felt it too. I was out blowing snow off the driveway and had to make a phone call and when I stopped I felt it." It's nice to have confirmation. So, there it is. Maybe it should be expressed in a poem but that form escapes me these days. Having felt it was enough.

Best headlines ever

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel

Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth. Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel