Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Three white lights

In navigation, three white lights vertically and red to right 
and green to left mean a tugboat and tow more than 200 
meters long is coming toward you.
That Thanksgiving night seems like it was more than a hundred years ago now. That night I learned what the loneliness of the ocean sailor is all about. We were delivering an 83-foot fish tender from Alaska to the Seattle area and Thanksgiving found us off Namu, British Columbia, about to enter Fitzhugh Sound.

Below in the galley we had a turkey we'd brought along cooking in the diesel stove. The odors wafting up through the house brought memories of their own. The boat rose and fell on a gentle swell as we entered the sound and I checked all the visible navigation aids against the chart to make sure we were far enough offshore and heading the way we wanted to go. With all signs good, I set the auto pilot and leaned back in the chair casually watching the dark water ahead. The VHF radio had barely issued a peep all day, but occasionally traffic on the Single Sideband disturbed the quiet in the wheehouse.

Then out of the buzz and garbled voices a clear one loudly called for a particular vessel. That vessel responded equally as clearly and suddenly a father at sea connected with his young son on the night of Thanksgiving. The father said he was on a tug off the coast of California near San Francisco; the son responded with an unhuh. And that was how the conversation went from there. The father  trying to coax any kind of conversation out of the boy he could, wanting that connection so desperately and the son unsure and shy answering in affirmative grunts and mumbles. Did you have a good dinner?  Uh huh.  Did you have turkey?  Yeah. Did you have mashed potatoes and gravy?  Mm hmm. Did you eat your vegetables? Ummm. The seaman laughed at that response.

But you could almost feel the desperation in the man's voice as he queried his son most likely wanting any sign at all that they were connected and he was appreciated. If it did come, I never heard it. In time the father said he had to go and the boy said OK and that was that. Given that a woman never came on I assumed this was a divorced father, as I was, which probably made the pain all the worse.

On and off through the night I thought of that father on the tug somewhere south of us, not even knowing which way it was headed. I replayed the conversation in my head and thought of my own son 2 years old at the time with whom I could not have even had that stilted conversation.

I actually thought of a song.  For a long time I thought it would be cool given the number of folks on the water around the world to write a series of country-western-type songs in the way of truck driving ballads but about work boats and the people on them. A tug with a tow longer than 200 meters shows three white lights vertically forward and I started on "The Three White Lights of Christmas." Perhaps fortunately for the world, I never got very far with it, but I have never lost the memory of that night on Fitzhugh Sound and that sailor's conversation with his son.

I guess on holidays no matter who we are or what our circumstance is, in one way or another we reach for family. I have spent many holidays alone since that night and in a way feel that kinship with mariners and in that understanding I know that every year somewhere in the world, there are sailors out on the big oceans trying to converse with a child across the waters and, one can hope, making that desired family connection.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

A whale of an argument remains unresolved

Have you ever been involved in an argument that ended unsatisfactorily and then lingered in your mind, maybe for years, unresolved? This post is an attempt to resolve one of those. It came up as a memory after seeing this item about sei whales on Facebook the other day.

Sei whale photo by Christin Khan on the Mission Blue FB page.
The Sei Whale is the THIRD LARGEST baleen whale and one of the FASTEST of all cetaceans: it can sprint up to 50 kilometers per hour! They're also ENDANGERED, having been hunted to near extinction during humanity's whaling days. (Japan still hunts them, by the way.) – From the Mission Blue Facebook page.

It began off the coast of California a couple of days out from San Francisco Bay. On a dark gray afternoon we spotted a whale resting on the surface several hundred feet from the boat. The visual silhouette indicated one of the larger baleen whales, the long back with an unnaturally small dorsal fin in the rear third of the body. From experience, looking at it, I guessed a fin whale or a sei whale while others on the boat said it was a blue whale, one outside my experience.

In time and very authoritatively two people decided it was a blue whale and that was that. At the time to a younger person I suggested it could be a fin whale or a sei whale. One of these two authorities overheard me and said it could not be sei whale and I was dead wrong.  Now I hadn’t said it was definitely a sei whale, the way this former friend had decided it was a blue whale.  I just said it could have been and just as easily could have been a blue or a fin whale. No, it cannot be a sei whale, he said.  Why not, I asked. To that he said this wasn't sei whale habitat.

Sei whale range from the American Cetacean Society
Now, I knew better than that. Years earlier a friend and I had had almost the same discussion. We saw a similar whale from a boat I was operating in Alaska waters and most people identified it as a fin whale, but this one fellow suggested it could be a sei whale. I had never heard of sei whales, so I looked them up. What I learned was they have the same shape and almost the same size as a fin whale, averaging only about five feet shorter.  According to my source book, they are very difficult to differentiate from fin whales and the only way is in how they hold their tail flukes when they dive. Also according to that book, A Sea Guide to the Whales of the World by Lyall Watson, sei whales are found throughout all the world's oceans except the extreme Arctic and Antarctic waters.

None of that mattered to this guy who in front of a whole bunch of people told me I was wrong and to boot, stupid for thinking what I was thinking. At one point he said he didn't think sei whales went into Prince William Sound, a place we both had sailed in, but was about 2,000 miles north of us at the time. But then in frustration to my not bending down in homage and agreement he said very authoritatively that he had spent years in the Antarctic and there were no sei whales there. What that had to do with whales in the mid latitudes I don't know, but by that time I was embarrassed and fed up. I told him I didn't care if he had spent years on the moon, sei whales certainly could be where we were and this could have been a sei whale, and walked away. There comes a time when you just have to cash in your chips and get out any way you can.

Still that argument has lingered in my mind for the four or so years since it happened and every time I
Blue whale

Fin whale, you tell me
see the mention of a sei whale it comes up. I guess what bothers me is that this person who has since lost my friendship, had so little disregard for me or my knowledge or intellect that he could tell me in front of a bunch of people we barely knew that I was ignorant and stupid. I did eventually tell him he was wrong about sei whales but I never said absolutely that this whale was one, only that it could have been one and that he and others had identified it as a blue whale because they wanted it to be blue whale. They had wished it so.

In the long run it is silly and immature to let oneself be dragged into such an argument and to let that argument linger as anger in the psyche for so long. Perhaps just venting here will help let it go. And by the way, I will brook no arguments over this post; as they say on Facebook, LOL.

And perhaps for those who have read this far, you are now aware of yet another species of great whales endangered on the high seas.

I guess the southern tip of Chile doesn't count as being near Antarctica

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

What a day, what wild weather

This is the lake effect snow cloud approaching Buffalo from Lake Erie.
What an interesting weather day. To begin with my old home town is being blasted with up to 70 inches of snow from an awesome storm that moved across the Great Lakes, with healthy snowfalls elsewhere in Western New York. More expected until at least Saturday.

Meanwhile here in Alaska because of a lack of snow and dry conditions we have wildfire warnings out all over the place and responders have already doused two in this general area.

Freezing temperatures in all 50 states this morning.
What's more, the Weather Service says this morning was the coldest November day recorded at least since 1976. Every state among the 50 had temperatures below freezing, including Hawaii. But right now at about 5:30 pm in Alaska it's almost 40 degrees above zero. But our time is coming: A major storm system is working its way up the Pacific Ocean and should be in the Gulf of Alaska by Thursday promising some wild weather in this area just a day or two after that.

That polar vortex was something last year and looks to get worse this time around. I wonder which way the snowy owls are flying.

And, here is the storm approaching Alaska from the south.
Photos of the storm and approaching lake effect cloud.




Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Meanwhile back in Alaska

The sun rose this morning. Lots of birds came to the feeders. The electricity in the house still works. So, I guess it's not the end of the world quite yet. And, I realized I have been ignoring the better parts of life in recent posts, so please bear with some disjointed thoughts from the north.

Why is it most songbirds look angry from head on? There's that bluebird.
First, I finally pinpointed the exact date when the sun goes behind the mountain in the fall. It came last Wednesday right at the peak when the sun slipped behind it for less than an hour. Two sunrises for a while, but they will get farther apart until the day when it doesn't show at all. Marking the date at October 29. The two sunrises come back for the spring around February 5.

Then there is the solitary man. Not much to write about him these days because I just don't travel
I have one of these hanging in a window at the cabin.
that road often enough and at the right times. But there is news. Driving by the  island between freeway lanes where I believed he lived, I saw massive bulldozer cuts into the woods and a huge pile of soil fill at the north end. More bulldozer scars at the south end and a collection of heavy yellow machinery. The world is taking out his home. Plans are for a highway widening to three lanes on each side and the new bigger, safer interchange of entry and exit ramps in both directions. Where he went is anybody's guess but for sure he isn't gong to be staying there any more. Another attack on the homeless.

Around here chickadees crowd the feeders and as many as nine Pine grosbeaks at a time join the frenzy. A nuthatch here and there and a junco join the fray now and again but so far no sign of redpolls. They usually show up later in the winter. I have gone through about half the first bag of feed of the season.

Only a thin, broken cover of crusty snow colors the yard but that's about normal for the season. More to come for sure, especially with a huge storm coming in on the Bering Sea coast this weekend, part of a huge cyclone system moving up the Pacific this week.

I started the first fire in the wood stove this week, replaced the kitchen sink and repaired the chain saw, not that it's needed anytime soon. There's a good supply of firewood in the yard.

Given the events of the past month, it's coming time for an extensive foray to the East Pole. I look at the idle snowmachines in the tent and hear Alaska calling again and it's time to heed that call. All that’s needed is about 20 inches of snow. Bring it.

Monday, November 3, 2014

On the slippery slope that leads to third-world status

American democracy goes on display for the world tomorrow. Let's hope we get it right. It's difficult to force our system down the throats of third-world countries when we can't do it correctly at home.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Dan Sullivan should come with a warning label

Finally, we have reached the last weekend before Tuesday's election and frankly, it's been upsetting and tiring. If this election weren't so important, I'd let it go, but it is important and perhaps the very fabric of our nation depends on the outcome. We all know what the Republicans have done and want to do in Congress, an attack on regular folks, old folks, the poor, the working poor, students, education, health care, the list goes on and on. At the same time they want to continue tax cuts for the very wealthy, in essence reversing Robin Hood to take from the poor and give to the rich.

Here in Alaska we have a candidate for the U. S. Senate who could be the poster boy for that Republican agenda. In fact most of his comments during the campaign have been more about what he sees as national issues like stopping the president and he has said very little about Alaska or issues specific to the state.

His campaign comes right out of the Republican book of tricks and the things he stands for, if from the generalities he spouts you can even figure out exactly what he stands for, follow right along with that agenda. You only have to see who's helping him: Rand Paul in ads on YouTube and Ted Cruz in Fairbanks. Do we want either of them having some influence over Alaska issues?

For starters, on this last weekend, according to the Mudflats blog, despite being funded by the Koch brothers and questionable donations from his wealthy family in Ohio, he has sent a last-minute appeal for funding: “Make an emergency contribution of at least $25 – without it we're not going 2 defeat Mark Begich.” He says the money is needed to combat his opponent's out-of state money. That is typical Republican mind-screwing, do what you want and then blame the other guys for doing it.

The other day, being alternately tired and outraged by his advertisements, and their generalities I dissected one of his ads. To begin with he has this smarmy condescending way of speaking except when he says the president's name and then he effects this complicated tone that at once projects masked outrage and is said in a way that assumes everyone hates President Obama and his policies, particularly Obamacare.

In one of his ads he says he will protect Alaskans. Gee, thanks padrone from what?

In this particular one he starts out by saying he will "stand up to Obama… ." If elected this guy would be the junior senator from a red state with three electoral votes. He is not going to stand up to anybody. If he expects to gain anything to "protect us" he will be kissing ass all over Congress to have any effect at all.

That particular phrase goes on: "… and his failed policies." What failed policies? By most measures the president has been very effective despite the hatred and opposition aimed at him by the party this guy hopes to join in Congress. He particularly says he will get rid of Obamacare. Now, Congress has voted as many as 51 times to repeal that act and failed every time. By any measure it has been deemed a success, with more than 10 million people who now have health insurance who didn't have it before. That should be a dead issue, but he is going to protect us from it anyway. He points to some Alaskans who have seen costs increase but fails to mention that Alaska, governed by his party and the administration he was part of, is one of the few states that did not go along with the law and expand Medicaid to take advantage of it.

Chart detailing the president's "failed policies" provided by the Democratic party. All of the numbers are easily verified.
The next point he makes is that he will attack the president's wasteful spending. That is just an outright lie. By every measure this administration has made gains in that area and reduced the federal deficit by a considerable amount.  He might look at wasteful spending in the form of subsidies given to the largest corporations operating in this country, including a few that have moved their headquarters offshore to avoid taxes the rest of us pay.

In another stated objective he says he will promote Alaska energy. Does that mean putting vitamins in the water supply? Mostly he has said in the past he wants to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to petroleum drilling. He blames his opponent for not getting that done. Well, that's been an issue for years and every Alaska member of Congress since the 1970s has not managed to get it done. A lot of people who this guy hopes to represent don't want it to happen anyway. "Wildlife refuge" means just that.

The last point the ad makes is that this candidate will strengthen national security. What is he going to do along that front that already hasn't been done? President Obama got Osama bin Laden, something his GOP predecessor couldn't do despite starting two very expensive wars and not achieving that goal. Is he going to vote like this last Congress did to spend money on tanks the Defense Department says it doesn't even want? Is he going to put anyone who has even heard the word "ebola" in quarantine? Is he going to back a ground war against ISIS? Another empty statement.

Those four points were the main ones in this ad and they generally followed what's been put forward in all of his campaign materials. Empty statements that don't stand up under scrutiny, pure hatred for America’s president and his policies and projections of himself as a superman who is going to change everything while he stands up to the Goliath, Barack Obama.

In short, he stands against a whole lot of things, but hasn't named one specific positive goal he hopes to accomplish. He simply wants to join the rest of the Republistructionists and stop Obama.

No thanks, Dan Sullivan, Alaska wants to move forward, not backward and Alaskans definitely don't need his protection. What would be better is if we did with him what was done with unwanted, dangerous people in past years: tie an airline ticket around his neck and leave him at the airport.




Saturday, November 1, 2014

Murkowski on marijuana: Don't you wish he would just go away?

Doing something a little different today and turning the blog over to another writer. 

This past week, former Gov. Frank Murkowski stuck his nose into Alaska politics once again to tell us all how awful legalizing marijuana would be for the rest of us. Many of us thought Murkowski was out of touch even when he was still active in politics. Since he was tossed out like yesterday's cantaloupe rinds by Sarah Palin of all people, he occasionally ventures into the public debate to illustrate to us how far out of touch he is. And, how out of touch is that? He says we have no need to rush into legalizing pot. Hey man, pot has been at least partially legal in Alaska since the mid 1970s. If we went any slower we'd be going backward. This week he chose to warn Alaska about the effects of "big marijuana"as if there is some huge industry out there like "big oil" or "big agriculture" threatening our very existence. Well the father of my brand new grandson has taken the former guv to school about the issue and here is his essay on the subject. 


Get your facts straight, Frank

By DAVID PHIFER

After reading Senator Murkowski’s opinion piece on Ballot Measure 2 I was struck by the lack of understanding of many of the issues involved.  His misconceptions are summarized most eloquently in his second paragraph: “It reminds me of the herd mentality of the lemmings stampeding off the cliff with little thought to the consequences.”[1]

That is a good line – except it is lie.  The lemmings jumping off a cliff was staged by photographers looking for a good story with no regard for the truth.  The State of Alaska Department of Fish and Game has this to say about the incident, “The epic "lemming migration" was staged using careful editing, tight camera angles and a few dozen lemmings running on [a] snow covered lazy-Susan style turntable.” [2]

This type of lie, the one that sounds good, endures while the truth struggles on.  Senator Murkowski asks us about the impact on our children.  Rather than look into the truth he is appealing to our feelings and what we think the answer will be.  The truth of the matter is that teen cannabis use in Colorado has dropped since it has been legalized[3].  Ballot Measure 2 does not legalize cannabis use for children but for adults 21 years and older who can decide for themselves how to live their lives.  Drug dealers do not check IDs but licensed and regulated stores do.

Senator Murkowski uses scare words like “Outside money” when he disagrees with the issue however he was not decrying this same “Outside money” when he accepted political donations from Chevron, Pinnacle West Capital, BP, and others[4].  When multi-billion dollar companies wanted to support him he accepted their help with open arms.  However when two non-profit organizations are working for the people of Alaska he suddenly has a change of heart about “Outside money."

As a life-long politician I can’t help but feel he thinks Alaskans are lost without people like him telling them what to do.  Senator Murkowski used to be for a small government that didn’t interfere in the lives of its citizens.  Now he is telling Alaskans that they are helpless without government stepping in and telling them what do to with their lives.  US citizens should be seeking more freedoms rather than submitting to the authoritarian will of an ever-expanding government.

Senator Murkowski is ignoring the US’s own history of failure in the prohibition of alcohol.  Prohibition enriched ruthless criminals such as Al Capone and did nothing to stem the flow of alcohol while making otherwise innocent citizens into criminals.  Instead of being taxed and regulated bootleggers were violently fighting for territory.  Consumers were forced into dealing with criminals and buying a product which was often poisonous due to the lack of oversight.  The US-Mexico border is rife with cartel violence and as much as 60% of cartel income comes from cannabis.[5]  Mark Twain once said “History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme.”

The Senator believes in pushing half-truths on Alaskans and hopes that we’ll run off a cliff and vote “No” without evaluating the truth.  I believe Alaskans are not so easily goaded.  A regulated cannabis market will create local jobs, tax revenue, increase our personal freedom, reduce the amount of money going to criminals, and will help move cannabis out of the hands of youth by putting it into the hands of licensed local business owners.




[1] http://www.adn.com/article/20141005/frank-murkowski-alaskans-should-just-say-no-big-marijuana
[2] http://www.adfg.alaska.gov/index.cfm?adfg=wildlifenews.view_article&articles_id=56
[4] http://www.opensecrets.org/politicians/contrib.php?cycle=Career&cid=N00008006&type=I
[5] http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/10/06/AR2009100603847.html

Alaska Supreme Court decision legalizing personal use marijuana defines Alaskans

Best headlines ever

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel

Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth. Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel