Tuesday, March 24, 2015

On the eve as we go forward on a broken, unlubricated Tundra

So simple, yet so difficult.




One of the unexpected difficulties of growing older is that your stuff grows older with you. And, beyond that, a lot of that stuff fails before you do. All the accoutrements of life you have come to depend on based on experience with them and with the failures of other similar products wear out right along with you: Machines they don't make parts for any more, cleaners that worked but have given way to new and improved cleaners that don't work as well and cost more.

For instance, on this past trip to the East Pole I managed to break a part of the snowmachine. 

Understand this is an almost 20-year-old Ski-Doo Tundra II and for those who don't know about it, the Tundra has long been the favored machine for people who live in the Alaska Bush. Relatively inexpensive when compared with other machines, light weight, and as reliable as that drum-beating bunny, they perform day after day, season after season, year after year. The manufacturer has tried to kill them off a couple of times and apparently finally succeeded. So anyway I broke a skeg: It's a rod that attaches to the underside of the ski and holds what's called a skin (a wider, smoother surface especially good in deep snow) in place.

Simple job, I took it all apart, retrieved two of the three pieces where it broke (the other one is lost in the snow somewhere near the East Pole) and trucked on over to the dealer to buy a new one. Only guess what. They are not made any more and they have been out of stock for years. It's a helpless feeling. I looked at the two pieces and wondered if I could get them welded or manufacture a new one. The parts woman suggested I try the dealer in Fairbanks.

Compeau's had some. The parts woman there told me when she learned the maker was going out of business she bought a couple dozen pairs because of all the Tundras in use out in the woods from Fairbanks. So now I have a very expensive pair of them headed this way in the mail.

Later in the day, it being sunny and warm I went to the auto parts store to buy some of the miracle gunks it takes to put machines away for the summer and clean up the Jeep after a long winter. Among them I wanted to replace my can of LPS2 which after many years had lubricated its last bit of metal on my gear. Uh oh. Nothing in the display. For those who don't know LPS2 is a spray preservative and lubricant, similar to WD-40 but unlike the 40 it lubricates. The woman there (notice the number of women in jobs that have always been the domain of men?) told me they don't make it any more, haven't for maybe five years. She too bought a bunch of it when she learned the product would be discontinued and sold them from a bin in the front of the store, a bin that had long since been emptied. Another item I had learned to appreciate but no longer available.

Now this was the culmination of a day of paradigm shifts into barely related areas. It all started in the couple of hours before I fell asleep the night before. Ever since a trauma in my life several years ago, I have had to leave the TV on to keep me from wrestling the demons of that trauma and others that prevent sleep. The last few shows I watch are usually sitcoms so I don't have night terrors from all the violence and mayhem of the drama shows. But last night for three shows in a row, they were so bad I actually shut them off before the end, one after another, tired of the shouting, inane situations and unrealistic reactions to stupid plot gimmicks. At the time I wondered if I might be growing old and grumpy and intolerant. I decided, no, these were bad shows. Two I will probably never watch again, the third I have liked over the years and maybe I'll give it another chance. I decided the problem is with the writers, and that problem I decided was a dilution of talent because of all the networks and all the shows, there just aren't enough good writers to go around. Back when there were three channels or even ten, creativity was more concentrated and the result was better written shows.

All of that disruption did not foster an easy sleep and I woke up two hours later having experienced another shift. Mind you this is about 3 a.m. and I never fell back to sleep until after 8. I tried everything, ate a big breakfast, did 20 minutes on the elliptical, looked for better-written sitcoms (fortunately a couple of Sports Night reruns) and finally in this yearning for some sanity ended up on You Tube listening to 50s and early 60s girl group love songs and living in some memories for a while.

It was in that foray the whole experience came full circle even though the closure came more toward the beginning than the end of the day's events. The danger of these musical forays is iTunes is just a click or two away and over the course of the morning I bought about a dozen songs. Among them was The Eve of Destruction. I didn't even listen to the whole song before I bought it. But later on a drive to town it came up on the new playlist and the words started to hit home. There's a song in the show All That Jazz  named Everything Old is New Again and if ever there was a song to prove that, it was Eve of Destruction. That song could have been written yesterday, the words spoke so closely to events in the news today. At least one song (I know there are a lot more) had survived and remained relevant almost 50 years later.

In a striking irony, it is the wars that take us to the eve of destruction that also necessitate the development of the technology to replace limbs and treat other wounds of the soldiers returning from the bloody battlefields of the world. In simpler terms, while old model snowmachines suffer for a lack of spare parts, spare parts for humans are more available than ever, and many of them have applications for the older models at least slowing the decline into obsolescence of each human body. Even with continuing development, it still might be a good idea to cosy up to the parts lady ahead of time.

Now, if only Ski Doo Tundras, LPS2, television sitcoms, and yes this old soul, could find a way to grow old together in some kind of harmony that maintained their usefulness, wouldn't that be something? It can't happen too soon.

Meanwhile, I suppose we can take comfort in the fact that developments in the past reached the eve, but they never went past it and let's hope this eve will serve as warning as well and we can find a way to keep from going over the brink.



A COMMENT FROM FACEBOOK: Janice Edwards Lovely meditation on life and change, Tim. Great post!

Saturday, March 21, 2015

About that post from the East Pole, here's the "more later"


There's that cedar-lined closet to the right.



I had no great plans going out there this time, just my normal trip in March. About all I expected to do was split some firewood and just be there, live the life and that's about how it turned out.

Off and on as I get older I waver between moving out there for good, and emptying the place out and selling it. Neither holds enough appeal to do something about it, but the weight is toward moving back.

Still I find myself looking at things and sifting through boxes separating what I want to keep from what I don't or just simply don't know enough about to care either way, but that I sense some value so I keep it.  It seems like every time I go, I bring a few things back that I don't want to lose. Among those are selections from the boxes and boxes of photos I have there.  I brought about a pound of them out this time.

In doing this I also end up looking into and cleaning places where I haven't been for a long time. This time it was the closet. One of my best efforts was this closet/divider between the bed and the kitchen. It is four feet high and open to the bed side. It is lined top, sides, back and bottom with cedar planking and has a closet bar for hanging the clothes I leave out there. It also adds a nice cedar odor to the rainbow of scents that make up the enticing perfume of the cabin's lure.

This time I want deeper into the closet, the piles of clothes on the floor, the big laundry basket in the back and the boots I seldom wear. And I found some treasures. One dog or another had hidden a chewy deep in a pile of sweaters.  I swept a dead shrew out of one corner. That sounds yukky but is actually a good sign. Shrews are cannibalistic and if you find just one, that is the survivor among probably several, the last one standing so to speak – and it found nothing left to eat. I also found the pair of XTRATUF boots that got away from me during the last move out there. I have been searching for them for ten years, and had become certain I had lost them somehow. I even bought a new pair when I went out on the ocean a few years ago.

That was about the most excitement the whole trip generated. The weather was clear and cold going as low as minus 20 overnight and coming up to zero or so during the day, not the usual warm days to be expected in March. Northern lights were sporadic and light but visible most nights.

As usual technology failed me. A book I had downloaded to read had disappeared in the last software update on my iPad so I was forced to read some old Clive Cussler adventures. Enjoyable, still, even in a second reading. Otherwise the cell signal was fairly reliable for a change though too slow and sporadic to download that book again. So it goes. I remember telling a kid many years ago high tech means you can't fix it yourself.

What I did fix was the firewood problem. I mean would it be a trip to the East Pole without generating some? I split half a cord from the tree I cut last March and now have almost a winter's worth under the cabin. There is still a considerable number of sections to split so there will be something to do next trip.

All the time spent` outdoors redpolls worked the snow surface for the chatins they eat, seeds off the birch trees.  No clouds of them, but more than I see around the other house.

Incidentally coming out it was cold enough I wore bunny boots, one of those pairs I seldom use.

All told, very peaceful and relaxing and, yes some recuperating from that first trip up the hill, sending me home with the determination not to let myself get so badly out of shape ever again.

Once again police target pot use before legalization stops them





Once again and despite the will of voters, Alaska authorities show they are not going to go along with the legalization of marijuana in the state.

Friday March 20, Anchorage police served warrants at the Alaska Cannabis Club supposedly searching for evidence of "misconduct involving a controlled substance."  One of the operators of the club, Charlo Greene has been an outspoken advocate of legalized pot.

Short video of Charlo Greene telling what's going on during the police raid.

According to a report in the Alaska Dispatch News, officers found nine marijuana plants in one side of a duplex and 17 on the other side. Greene told reporters there were 10 to 12 medical marijuana cardholders in the building at the time.

Along with plants and boxes and paper bags of other “evidence" police towed away two vehicles. That seizure may have been illegal. Attorney General Eric Holder recently issued new federal regulations regarding forfeiture of civil assets in drug busts limiting how those assets can be used by law enforcement. Often those assets have been kept even when the persons charged were acquitted. In one notorious case police seized a suspect's parents' house in such a forfeiture.

A police spokesman told the News Dispatch the department had received reports of illegal marijuana sales at the club house.  Received reports? The target of this raid is a known supporter of legal pot and a defendant of the use of medical marijuana who apparently everyone but the police knew was selling pot to legal medical-marijuana card holders. So they sent 12 officers to serve the warrant for a fourth degree misdemeanor.

Now, given that the legalization vote last fall did not make sales legal until details have been worked out, to the letter of the law, sale is still illegal. As to the sprit of the referendum, well, not so much.

The first day pot was legal police targeted and arrested three persons for smoking in public. Now, again they target what seems to be a simple outlet of medical marijuana. It seems like the police want to get as many people arrested and charged on pot offenses as they can before they can't do it any more.

Taken together they indicate police are targeting simple marijuana use in an effort to intimidate, and discourage as many people as possible before marijuana truly becomes legal, if it ever does. What threat to the public does this club constitute? None, it just offends authorities that people sell and use pot despite what a majority of voters say.

Meanwhile the Legislature chips away at the legalization process, adding more and more restrictions rather than looking for ways to streamline the legalization process. And the police are feeding more nonviolent simple possessers into the court and penal systems as quickly as they can before they can't any more. And they are picking on the easy targets.

There are far more serious drug problems in Anchorage and Alaska than a few stoned marijuana users. How many meth labs are there? When was the last time we read about a lab raided? Recently the news reported an increase in heroin use in Alaska. But, oh boy, we caught a woman who sells marijuana right out in the open. That took a lot of detective work. Public inebriation is still a problem as far as I know and that goes on unabated, but by god we shut down that woman selling pot.

The folks who initiated the referendum along with the rest of us need to pay attention here before the Legislature enacts such a tangle of regulatory obstacles that the idea of legalization will be lost in the red tape while police again and again will target pot users for simple possession and use along with sale of small amounts.

There is a broader issue here is of elected officials not following the will of the people they represent and that lesson needs to be brought home. Instead of looking at the many benefits of legalized pot, everyone in authority has taken a negative view toward it and continues to look for ways to keep it from happening. That sort of subversion is very obvious in the malfunctions of  Congress and now we have a spotlighted example in our own state government. It would be an excellent masters thesis for some graduate student to document and interpret how legislators subvert the will of the people to promote their own beliefs and purposes.

Take a lesson from Colorado and Washington, states that worked in a positive direction to make the will of the people the law of the land.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Some days the medicine does work

Now I know where some of the redpolls are. Remember that famous photo
of the angry bluebird?




The first trip to the East Pole in winter always presents extraordinary difficulty. The cabin stands on a fairly steep hill and I seldom get up it on the first try with the snowmachine. The way it works most often is I blast through the snow until the machine gets stuck, Then I put on snowshoes, grab what I can carry and hike the rest of the way. Once I've rested a little bit and maybe started a fire, I grab a sled at the cabin and go back down the hill and put all the perishables and what else I can haul into the sled and trudge up the hill again. Often the machine gets stuck more than once.

That's the way it worked this trip. I had to hike up the hill in deep snow on snowshoes carrying what I could, and me in about the worst shape I've ever been in my life. The tale is told on my SPOT.  In tracking mode, the unit sends a signal every 10 minutes. On that first climb the locations are so close together it's difficult to figure out how many times the signal went up to the satellite. Best I can count is five, which means it took me at least 50 minutes to move less than 200 yards.

Even on snowshoes the going was tough. I would break through the crust into deeper, softer snow, then take a step and the tip of the back shoe would catch under the crust and trip me up. I lost my balance and fell a couple of times and try this sometime: fall into snow wearing snowshoes, you can get no leverage anywhere with your arms, your feet are uphill from your head so you are trying to stand up uphill using only your legs. All you have to do is get your legs and feet under you. Good luck.

I had to twist and squirm until my feet were downhill from the rest of my body and in time weasel around into a kneeling or hunkering position before I could stand up. That beat up my leg muscles to the point where I had to stop and rest after only ten or so steps. Thighs began to ache, calves ached, even felt weak at times wondering how many steps I had left in me. And that doesn't even begin to address how often I had to stop because I was breathing too hard and had to get that under control.

At one point I felt a real fear. I might be over-dramatizing, but I fell and for a moment laid their resting before yet another attempt to stand in the deep snow. Prone in the snow that had conformed to my body, I relaxed, my  eyes closed and the temptation arose to take a nap. I mean my whole body relaxed into the comfort of the snow, I could feel my mind slip toward sleep and for a second almost succumbed. Immediately Jack London's To Build a Fire came to mind. That guy died when he fell asleep in the cold. I forced myself awake and into action, and squirmed to my feet determined not to fall again. And I didn't.

According to the SPOT, that went on for at least 50 minutes and I was just about crawling by the time I made it up onto the deck. I opened the door and lit a fire (I always leave a one-match fire laid in the stove) and slumped into a chair and just sat there for a while letting my body recover as much as it could.

On the second trip, with the sled, I had to sort through the cargo for everything I absolutely needed and also what I didn't want to freeze and then head up the trail again. But this time there was a heavy load to drag just when breath starts getting shorter and muscles begin rebelling. To do it I attached a long lead rope to the sled so I could hike up the steep parts and then set my feet and pull the sled to me. It took four such relays before I made the house.

It being cold, right around zero, I could already feel the snow on the trail I was making setting up and I knew by the next morning the trail would be a concrete sidewalk, making it easy to bring up the snowmachine and the rest of the gear.

Concrete was the word all right. In fact the next morning I could walk down the trail without the snowshoes. But, when I reached the snowmachine it was frozen in solid, the rear end of the track embedded where it had dug down when I first got stuck.  It was not going to budge. I tried digging out with my hands, and then chopped around with an axe attempting to free it but nothing moved. I was just about committed to hiking back up the trail to grab a shovel. I sat on the seat for a moment before starting the trek, thinking the snowmachine could stay there another night and I could make the hike the next day with the shovel. Then it crossed my mind to start it, thinking maybe if I could spin the track a little it would free things up so I could lift the rear end and move it onto more solid snow. Not a bad idea to start it anyway just to run it a little bit given the cold weather.

Well, it started right up. Once it had warmed a little I juked the throttle just a quick nudge, but instead of the track spinning, it dug in and moved the machine just slightly forward.

What do you do then? Hit the throttle for all it's worth, and guess what. I drove right up out of there. Got on solid trail then hooked the cargo sled to it and off we went right up to the cabin.

Like the title says, some days the medicine does work.

A comment from facebookOMG, I was feeling that - the shortness of breath, the fatigue, the burning of thigh muscles. I don't know if it's bad shape or age or both. I have a hard time accepting my age....everyone is old but me....who am I kidding?

Trials and tribulations at the East Pole

Why the East Pole

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Thursday, March 5, 2015

What people are saying about "Iditarod The First Ten years"

Unsolicited comments some from mushers and other folks who have been
involved with the race over the years stolen from the web page for the book:



"The book is beautiful and SO interesting! I opened the box "just to look at it" when I got home last night. Two hours later I
was still reading! Congratulations. I have it in my lap right now. Thank you!"
Judy

"Alaskan writers and artists with special knowledge of the first decade of the heroic Iditarod race, which pits man and dog against Alaska's vast and icy wilderness, have assembled here a lasting tribute to the dogs, the mushers, and the volunteers of this world-class event."
Dr. Jim Readon

“If you never had Iditarod addiction, you will after this.  Even growing up around the sport, race and people involved, I become giddy with excitement every time I get to tell people about it!”
Lance Mackey


“They say history is written by the victors, and Iditarod: The First 10 Years is no exception; however, this incredible collection of tales from the trail comes mostly from the volunteers and workers who were victorious in making The Last Great Race an enduring and important part of Alaskan life. The book is bursting at the seams with fond memories, hard work, gutsy survival stories, pranks, and 1049 miles worth of amazing Iditarod lore. An important decade of Alaskan history is captured on these pages, but more importantly the Old Iditarod Gang reveals the heart of what makes the Iditarod a uniquely Alaskan event: the people, the dogs, and our sense of adventure.” Don Rearden, author of the award winning Alaskan novel The Raven’s Gift

“The Old Gang has most certainly done it. What a herculean, well-executed endeavor. It will not surprise me if this huge compilation of individually unique experiences by the Iditarod’s first decade participants becomes a stand-alone Northland classic.” Dan Seavey

We are excited to share Joe May's story Edgar as part of the, Iditarod: The First Ten Years', review in the March/April issue of “Last Frontier Magazine Alaska”....Wendy Wesser


I just got my copy – really really really good – thank you to those who took this on – it is awesome....Greg Heister

I received the big book yesterday. It is Awesome! Will be busy for quite some time.
The Old Iditarod Gang rocks. Thank you so much....Inge Van Kasteren

I love this book. I have learned so much about the Iditarod I didn't already know! 
It really is a beautiful addition to my collection of Iditarod books!...Christine Carroll

So awesome...The book is beyond words...FABULOUS!!! I love looking at the old pictures and reading about the hearty people that made this our Alaskan history! GREAT job putting this book together...NO SMALL FEAT!:)...Debbie Lynn Filter

I am in awe of the book – the organization, the sheer mass of information, the credits to virtually everyone involved in those early years, the drawings and photographs, and the incredible amount of work it must have taken to put it all together leave me breathless.
This book will be a resource for generations to come. Thank you to everyone who gave so much of themselves to create this book for the rest of us....Gail Somerville

Oh my Gosh. I cannot put this book down. It is so full of photos from past years and wonderful stories. I'm sure no sleep for me tonight. It's huge—what 7 Lbs? 
Beautiful high gloss paper...beautiful, beautiful coffee table book :-) Great job everyone...
Sue Hafner

I am loving, totally loving the "First Ten Years" book!  The organization of information, and the sheer volume of information (about anything I can think of) is beyond impressive.  The book is a masterpiece.  I am bowled over by the beauty of it and the time and work it must have taken.  You have given a true gift to current Iditarod fans and to generations to come.  Thank you, thank you!! 
Many smiles, 
Gail Sommerville

Well, we received our long awaited book yesterday and Dennis and I spent the rest of the day and the evening devouring it.  What a wonderful and complete anthology of the first ten years of Iditarod history!  Dennis was honored to be mentioned in Brugman's Wien Air "Dogs Fly Free" chapter and Raine, he was really touched on the section paying tribute to Ace. Bravo to the entire Old Iditarod Gang for their labors to produce such an important and cherished historical collection of the truly Last Great Race.  Gail - wouldn't it be awesome to have something produced in a similar vein and format for the early years of flying in Alaska

Thanks for bringing this worthy project to fruition. With much admiration, Maggie & Dennis Gladwin
p.s. The book was originally purchased for my father, a history buff who has always been intrigued with the Iditarod "story".  However, Dennis is not letting it out of his sight, so guess we will just have to purchase another for Dad!

What can I say? Words cannot express Maybe I should just say it like I really feel---IT'S THE BEST DAGGONE DEAL TO COME DOWN THE PIKE IN MY LIFETIME. What you guys have done is beyond words. That I was even a part is a wonder. I now have a problem, we got each of the kids a copy so who do we will it to?? This book will surely be like the family bible and pass from one generation to the next. Cathy and I send our love to all, Dick Mackey

ABSOLUTELY BLOWN AWAY BY THIS BOOK. ABOVE AND BEYOND WHAT I HAD PERCEIVED. THANKS TO YOU      
AND ALL INVOLVED FOR YOUR YEARS OF WORK,IMAGINATION,AND THE LOVE THAT WENT INTO THIS PROJECT.      

EVERY ASPECT, EVERY DETAIL, WOW !!    JON VAN ZYLE MY GOD WHAT AN ARTIST.      
ALASKA, SUCH A PERSONAL PLACE TO SO MANY.  AND THE IDITAROD ....''THE CALL OF THE WILD''. ALIVE ON THE        
PAGES OF THIS BOOK FOR GENERATIONS TO ENJOY FOREVER. 
                                                                                                      MY LOVE AND THANKS, Bill Philbin

I DID get my book!  It is really nicely done.  I like it a bunch. 
You all did a super job on it.  My mother is ecstatic with hers.  Another friend and Ophir volunteer, Letta Stokes, is also very happy with her copy. 
It is much more than I expected.  So many great pictures. The quality of the paper and the way it is bound are very high end. 
Thanks so much for all the hard work, I know it will be appreciated by many. 
Cheers, 
Keith Forsgren


Unbelievable accomplishment!!! I had no idea what a grand undertaking this has been for you and your Iditarod colleagues!! 
However, knowing you I should have expected nothing less. 

I am looking forward to seeing you and  “The Old Iditarod Gang” in Anchorage in March! 

Unbelievable! 

Cheers, 

Peter Henning

Your book is simply fantastic.  It is one of the best I've ever seen on any  subject.  I am very impressed with your ability to tackle such a hugely  complicated subject and turn it into a perfectly facetted jewel.   Congratulations, you're the best!  Love,  David Brighton  


The book is truly stunning!!! I can't believe how beautiful it is. The design, the stories, etc. Really amazing.  Laurel Neme


I am slowing working my way through the book. I just want you to know, all your hard work has produced an excellent book. Makes me wish I had been there in the early days. (I did have one small chance in 1978-79 to come up and run a team, but I didn’t do it.) Anyway, this is sure pleasant reading. I would think some movie writer would eventually grab onto this and write a script. 
Congratulations to all of you for a great job. 
Donna  Quante

My work with the book was from a distance … I had little contact with other contributors during its long gestation. When the first copy arrived here. I opened it to the index and was trapped for a day reconnecting with old friends through the names and memories. In essence, I'n reading a 400 page book back to front and still a day away from the introduction … I can't wait to see how it begins. – Joe May







Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Whoa oh oh on the radio

Photo by Phillip Manning KTNA
Here we are at the library signing. That's Raine Hall on the left
and Joe May on the right, yours truly in the middle.



Today Iditarod champion Joe May, Raine Hall, a prime mover behind our new book, and I traveled to Talkeetna for a radio show. We spent an hour on the air discussing the book and telling tales of the trail. After that we ventured over to the Talkeetna library for a book signing and sold out all the books Raine brought with her.  It was quite an event and we all had a pretty good time of it.

And get this: At one point someone sort of whispered to me "you aren't even the most famous person in this room." I don't know who said it but when I looked up immediately recognized Dave Johnson. For those don't know the name, he is an Alaska legend, a member of the first party to climb Mount McKinley in winter. The climb is memorialized in the book "Minus 148o" by Art Davidson. But Dave said even he wasn't the most famous man in the room and pointed to another fellow named Billie who was wearing a red vest with "Everest" crocheted onto it. I didn't know the guy but others pointed him out as a world famous climbing guide on Mount Everest. Add that to sitting next to Iditarod Champion Joe May and I was breathing rare air.

It all happened after I did one of those mindless things I am becoming famous for: The day before I went and got a haircut so I would look good on the radio.

It's an hour long, but if anyone cares to listen, it is now on the KTNA website. Here is the link:

Su Valley Voice
"Minus 148o"
"Iditarod The First Ten Years"

Best headlines ever

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel

Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth. Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel