Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Noah's Ark, White House construction, Lady Gaga and everything in between

Sunflowers do grow in Alaska. Those stakes are six feet tall.
Curiouser and curiouser. It's been a while since the last post and readership has fallen off considerably, not that it was ever very large. But something happened this week and I am not sure what. I have been getting almost 200 page hits a day from Russia. They occur overnight here, daytime across most of that country. No clue what triggered it and they seem to be hitting a variety of posts, not just one or two. My thought is they are so bad at hacking they are trying to get Hillary's emails and end up with the ravings of an Alaska maniac. Just doing my part. lol. So here are a bunch of discoveries over the past month. I have tried to stay away from  politics as much as I can. It's just too easy. So, try these:

Noah's Ark crashed into a Coast Guard vessel while docking in Oslo, Norway. Of course it was a replica but someone had already called animal control in case of an abandon-ship before that was determined.

Petsmart is using the Stones' "Sympathy for the Devil" in TV commercials. Whu-u-u-ut?

Basketball's greatest, Michael Jordan, contributed a million dollars to a police chiefs' organization called Institute for Community-Police Relations and another million to the NAACP Legal defense Fund.

There's a young teen-looking boy who walks his sheep on a leash over the bike trails around here.

A friend who is close to my age and suffers some age-related infirmities raced in a hill climb with
Kitty Delorey Fleischman takes a corner in a hill climb flashing
her "handicapped" placard.
her vintage Porsche recently. This is what she had to say about it: "I was the only person up on the hill with both racing numbers and a handicapped placard."

A gun shop in Illinois raffled off an AR-15 rifle to benefit victims of the Orlando night club massacre.

Facebook thinks I would like being friends with someone named Chi Chi Ajuga. Hmm I think maybe so.

The NFL suspended Johnny Manziel four games for substance abuse. Johnny Manziel doesn't play in the NFL any more.

Lead was found in the drinking water at a building holding congressional offices. Sixty Reps petitioned the EPA for stronger lead and copper standards for water. Meanwhile 5,000 city water systems across the country have higher concentrations of the lead and copper.

Lady Gaga kisses the ground after
passing her test.
Lady Gaga finally passed a test and received her first driver's license. A week later pulled over by the police. No plates on her new pickup truck. Wait, Lady Gaga drives a pickup truck?

Yup, she's driving a pickup.
There's this ad Montel Williams does on TV for a quick-loan operation. At the end where medicine products' side effects would be listed, he has to say the loan offer is not available in New York state because of laws against high interest rates. Shouldn't that tell potential borrowers something?

There is a city named White in Georgia. (Actually named for a postmaster, but, still …)

In reading a headline recently, I realized I am still not sure where Darfur is.  (Thanks to Google I found it.)

Retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, a military adviser to Donald Trump's campaign called on Iranian leader Ayatollah Khomeini to denounce the terrorist attack in Nice, France. Khomeini died in 1989.

Today, July 27, it has been 133 days since Merrick Garland was nominated to be a Supreme Court justice.

Basketball player Lebron James who went to the NBA right out of high school has donated more than $41 million to send 1,100 students to college.

Donald Trump, who flew from New York to Scotland for a weekend of golf, said Sarah Palin lived too far away to be invited to speak at the Republican convention. Don't know whether to criticize or thank him.

There's such a thing as a bass flute. Who knew?
Featuring a bass flute.


Fist bump – two First Ladies: Fox flabbermouth Bill O’Reilly criticized  Michelle Obama's comment she wakes up every morning in a house built by slaves by claiming those slaves who built the White House “were well-fed and had decent lodgings.” Another first lady, the second one to be exact, Abigail Adams, who moved into the White House while it was still under construction, wrote about 200 years ago that the slave labor was ill-fed and treated poorly. Trolled. As if being a slave wasn't enough for O'Reilly.

Deadhorse, Alaska, on the coast of the Arctic Ocean hit a record temperature of 85 degrees F in mid July.

And, as a postscript, here is a link to a playlist of all the songs the Republicans have used without permission.



2 comments:

  1. Oh, COOOOL! You forgot to mention that I hadn't been able to race for 10 years, and my handicap placard was property of the "Queen of the Hill" for the fastest women's time. Thanks for sharing that, Tim. I love it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great column. Thanks for the comment about O'Reilly. I've been watching whenever I had a chance today for comments about the slavery thing from O'Reilly. As always, you nailed that one. I hadn't seen Abigail Adams' comment before your comment, but thought it was remarkable that the slaves who built the White House were well-fed and housed. It sure sounded out of character for the times. Also, on one post, someone had written about the architect who built it, and I started wondering at what point architects started (and stopped) swinging hammers. I'd never known of an architect to do the actual construction.

    ReplyDelete

Interesting quotations

"In the final analysis your life is only as good as the background music you dance to." – that was me

"Whether you think that you can or you think you can't, you are right." – Henry Ford

"You want to feel alive until the day you croak" – Frank Gallagher Shameless

"Smooth is good but sailing takes a brisk wind" – me

"I'm a drinker with writing problems." ~ Brendan Behan

"Religious Freedom is not about stopping persecution; it’s about being the one who gets to do it. Glory!" – Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's best Christian

It doesn't matter what you write, it only matters that you write.

"Give someone a book and they'll read all day. Teach someone to write a book and they'll spend a lifetime mired in paralyzing self doubt." – internet meme

"It's been a long time since I heard my backbone crack – Chuck Berry

“Don’t think you’re on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path.” – JD

"I was the only person up on the hill with both racing numbers and a handicapped placard." – Kitty Delorey Fleischman, a grandmother who occasionally still races her Porsche in hill climbs.

Like most writers, I feel like a reprobate who does not deserve to live on any day that I do not write, but I also feel that four or five hours is enough to earn my stay on the planet for one more day. – anon

"Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool." – Mark Twain

Shit happens; you just come up with a different plan. – Kitty

Your body is not a temple. It's an amusement park. – Anthony Bourdain

Never too late for a happy childhood – Berkley Breathed

A real writer doesn't just want to write, a real writer has to write. – Internet meme

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner" – David Lagercrants, "The Girl in the Spider's Web"

The non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

We never comprehend how heavy the things are we insist on carrying until we set them down. jd

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio talk show host

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Things sports announcers say

"… there's a fearlessment about him …"

"He's got to have the lead if he's going to win this race."

"Kansas has always had the ability to score with the basketball."

"NFL to put computer chips in balls." Oh, that's gotta hurt.

"Now that you're in the finals you have to run the race that's going to get you on the podium."

"It's very important for both sides that they stay on their feet."

This is why you get to hate sportscasters. Kansas beats Texas for the first time since 1938. So the pundits open their segment with the question "let's talk about what went wrong." Wrong? Kansas WON a football game! That's what went RIGHT!

"I brought out the thermostat to show you how cold it is here." Points to a thermometer reading zero in Minneapolis.

"It's tough to win on the road when you turn the ball over." Oh, really? Like you can do all right if you turn the ball over playing at home?

Cliches so imbedded in sportscasters' minds they can't help themselves: "Minnesota fell from the ranks of the undefeated today." What ranks? They were the only undefeated team left.

A good one: A 5'10" player went up and caught a pass off a defensive back over six feet tall. The quote? "He's got some hops."

Best homonym of the day so far: "It's all tied. Alabama 34, Kentucky 3." Oh, Tide.

"Steve Hooker commentates on his Olympic pole vault gold medal." When "comments" just won't do.

"He's certainly capable of the top ten, maybe even higher than that."

"Atlanta is capable of doing what they're doing."

"Biyombo, one of seven kids from the Republic of Congo." In the NBA? In America? In his whole country?

"You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive."

"They're gonna be in every game they play!"

"First you have to get two strikes on the hitter before you get the strikeout."

"The game ended in the final seconds." You have to wonder when the others ended or are they still going on?

How is a team down by one touchdown before the half "totally demoralized?"

"If they score runs they will win."

"I think the matchup is what it is"

After a play a Houston defender was on his knees, his head on the ground and his hand underneath him appeared to clutch a very sensitive part of the male anatomy. He rolled onto his back and quickly removed his hand. (Remember the old Cosby routine "you cannot touch certain parts of your body?") Finally they helped the guy to the sideline and then the replay was shown. In it the guy clearly took a hard knee between his thighs. As this was being shown, one of the announcers says, "It looks like he hurt his shoulder." The other agrees and then they both talk about how serious a shoulder injury can be. Were we watching the same game?

"Somebody is going to be the quarterback or we're going to see a new quarterback."

"If you're gonna play running back in the SEC you're gonna take hits."

"That was a playmaker making a play."

Best headlines ever

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair With Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve