Wednesday, August 9, 2017

One path to life on the street

This is going to take some explaining. First all this is fiction, keep that in mind. Secondly it is written in instant-messaging format keeping all the inherent typos, misspellings and syntax intact. That is to preserve the story in a way it occurred. I know that makes it difficult to read, but in the long run it helps understand the two people involved. This is a small part of a much longer project. 
At the time of this conversation she is living in a group home for vulnerable women so at least we don’t have to decipher the language she uses when she’s high. She ran away from an abusive home when she was 16 and ended up on the street working occasionally as a prostitute to support a meth addiction. I am posting this because in the past week I have been posting about another friend who’s dealing with this kind of world as she had to have renters evicted from a property she owned, people much like the young woman on one side of this conversation. 
In the eviction process we saw some insight into a young man’s relationship or non relationship with his father, an insight that raised more questions than it answered. But, the question most frequently asked was "How can people live like this?" This conversation describes how the runaway woman I know described her original home life and what eventually pushed her out and led her into a situation similar to the one we are dealing with in the eviction.

Bet Cee: i think my parents were just young
Bet Cee: and poor
Bet Cee: and hot tempereed
Bet Cee: and didn't necesarily like each other
Bet Cee: or me
whaleman11: a recipe for disaster.
Bet Cee: lol right
whaleman11: how old were they when you were born?
Bet Cee: 21 and 22 i think...
Bet Cee: babies
whaleman11: for sure
whaleman11: i think it takes people longer to grow up than it did 100 years ago
Bet Cee: i think youre very right
whaleman11: but are still expected to be mature at that age
Bet Cee: ive spent a lot of time thinking about it
Bet Cee: and i thnk youre right
Bet Cee: not everyone does well forced into a situation they dont wnt to be in
whaleman11: yes that too
whaleman11: was it sort of an accidental pregnancy or do you know?
Bet Cee: totallly accidental
whaleman11: probably didn't help the situation any
whaleman11: but people have to accept the responsibility of their actions
Bet Cee: ya..
Bet Cee: how do you feel about abortion?
whaleman11: like a lot of  things, i can see both sides of the argument.  I can also see that it is a woman's choice and none of government's business
Bet Cee: i think its a womans choice too
whaleman11: while i can see the life argument, i can also see times when abortion is the best choice
Bet Cee: and i thikn i would have been an excellent abortion candidate
whaleman11: that's a sad thing tohave to say
Bet Cee: no...not really sad
Bet Cee: true I could literally look my Dad in the face and tell him Ishould have been an abortion … he would tell me I'm right
whaleman11: still the feeling of not being wanted
Bet Cee: haha i wasnt
Bet Cee: i dont mean like...i dont deserve life
Bet Cee: i mean more...
whaleman11: and that might have affected your whole life
Bet Cee: if you think about it objetively
whaleman11: yes i see what you are saying
Bet Cee: right
Bet Cee: im all for womans choice
whaleman11: as it should be
Bet Cee: anyway..i was just wondering
whaleman11: how i felt about it?
Bet Cee: ya
whaleman11: how i feel about it, is if it ever came up in my life i would  think about it long and hard as I did in the past and hope we both came to the same conclusion, knowing if we didn't it would be her vhoice
whaleman11: choice
whaleman11: and certainly anyone else's is their issue not mine
Bet Cee: cool
whaleman11: got that settled?
Bet Cee: ya
whaleman11: i am glad hyou parents didn't get one
whaleman11: did your father ever molest you?
whaleman11: i think you told me once he didn't but i forget
Bet Cee: woah
Bet Cee: no
whaleman11: glad to hear that
Bet Cee: me 2
whaleman11: yes you for sure more than me
whaleman11: i think i told you once on here about afriend whose father began raping her at the age of 9
Bet Cee: ya..
Bet Cee: how is she doing?
whaleman11: i don't know
whaleman11: haven't heard from her since early fall
whaleman11: she had just come out of rehab  and was living with her son and girlfriend
Bet Cee: sounds like shes doing well then
whaleman11: well considering the silence, i hope so
whaleman11: i hope she hasn't relapsed
Bet Cee: ill hope the best for her too
whaleman11: good
whaleman11: it's funnyu
whaleman11: i won't hear from her for months
whaleman11: and one day i will have these strong feelings and thoughts abouther
whaleman11: and she contacts me within a week
Bet Cee: haha thats pretty cool
whaleman11: some kind of connection
Bet Cee: i love people like that
whaleman11: me too
Bet Cee: do you think that because my father didnt molest me that it wasnt that bad and i should have stuck it out?
whaleman11: i don't know enough to make that judgment
whaleman11: nor would i
whaleman11: what matters is how you perceived what was going on
whaleman11: and iff he was cruel and beating you,  you had good enough reason without adding molestation onto it
Bet Cee: k..
whaleman11: does that sound right ot you?
Bet Cee: wut
whaleman11: what i just said
Bet Cee: ya its fine
whaleman11: anyway
whaleman11: i am sure your reasons were good
whaleman11: or at least justified
Bet Cee: kk
Bet Cee: im not sure NOW that leaving was good
Bet Cee: but i was very sure then that leaving was good
whaleman11: on that list of basic truths on my blog there is one that says
whaleman11: all decisions are based on unsufficient data
whaleman11: sometimes you jsut have to do what feels right at the time
whaleman11: i think if you hadn'r run, you might be better off today
whaleman11: but can't we be sure
whaleman11: do you think it was possible he could really have hurt you?
Bet Cee: no doubt yes
whaleman11: did you ever have to get treatment, go to the hospital?
Bet Cee: i told you
Bet Cee: he broke his knuckles punchning the door
Bet Cee: next to my face
whaleman11: yeah
whaleman11: did he ever hit yhou like that?
Bet Cee: yes
Bet Cee: i dont care how drunk you get
Bet Cee: your stillresponsbile for your own actions
whaleman11: yes you are
whaleman11: and a lot of this hapened when he was drunk?
whaleman11: did yo ever go to the hospital?
Bet Cee: i think he was an alcholoic
Bet Cee: but he never went to meetings or anything...
Bet Cee: thats just like my ownopinin
Bet Cee: no
whaleman11: yeah  i get it,   no to hospital?
Bet Cee: well
Bet Cee: i should rephrase
whaleman11: how about your mother, did she drink with him?
Bet Cee: not for injuries that 'happened in the home'
whaleman11: for what then?
Bet Cee: it was like 'oh you hurt yourself in basketball and we didnt go until later that night'
whaleman11: ok now confused
whaleman11: he hurt you but they blamed it on basketball?
Bet Cee: no..
Bet Cee: so if you go to the hospital
Bet Cee: they ALWAYS ask what happened
whaleman11: yes
Bet Cee: so i was never there for an inury that happnee din the home
Bet Cee: it was always something that happened earlier
Bet Cee: like basketball game
whaleman11: oh
whaleman11: still not sure what you are saying
Bet Cee: ugh nvm
Bet Cee: no my  mom didnt drink
whaleman11: but she didn't defend you?
Bet Cee: my parents
Bet Cee: were
Bet Cee: are
Bet Cee: ?
Bet Cee: can i say are?
Bet Cee: im gonna say are
Bet Cee: my parents are under some delusion
Bet Cee: that they have to protect and back each other up on everything
Bet Cee: or they are being like...
Bet Cee: unfaithful
whaleman11: oh   so that make you the common enemy
Bet Cee: so..
Bet Cee: EXACTLY!
Bet Cee: fucking exactly
Bet Cee: and what else it does
whaleman11: ugh
Bet Cee: is if mom tried to liike...say..'well honey..it will be ok, let it go this time'
Bet Cee: then hed say that i was turning my mom against him
Bet Cee: and then things just got worse
Bet Cee: it was fucked up
whaleman11: i can see it
whaleman11: and how often would something like that happen
Bet Cee: it was ALWAYS tense
Bet Cee: but like my dad losing it?
Bet Cee: all weekend
Bet Cee: and maybe once or twice on the weekday
whaleman11: what would be a happy time at home for you?
Bet Cee: hanging out with grandparents OUTSIDE of my house
Bet Cee: that was fucking fantastic
Bet Cee: they were awesome
Bet Cee: probobly because grandkids can do no wrong
Bet Cee: they were cool
Bet Cee: they had hobbies
Bet Cee: and we went and did like activities
whaleman11: are these your mothers or father's parents?
Bet Cee: both...but my dads set was cooliest
whaleman11: were they aware of what was going on?
Bet Cee: but like...
Bet Cee: howd it go..
Bet Cee: hmm..
Bet Cee: can you know without actually knowing?
Bet Cee: that kinda thing
Bet Cee: i thikn they knew my dad drank
whaleman11: yes   or knowing and not wanting to know
Bet Cee: i think they knew he had a short temper
Bet Cee: they just didnt put it all togehter
Bet Cee: right but then..
Bet Cee: im trying to remember like the order
Bet Cee: things at home got worse...
Bet Cee: uncle my dads best friend...committed suicide
Bet Cee: grandpa died...
Bet Cee: things at home got worse
Bet Cee: boyfriend and i broke up
Bet Cee: i left
whaleman11: i am jsut shakingmy head here
whaleman11: it seems like somebody could have stopped it
Bet Cee: my dad needed help
Bet Cee: but no one saw it i guess
whaleman11: well you needed help too
Bet Cee: you know what i mean...
Bet Cee: he was hurting
Bet Cee: and i dont think he knew how to handle it
Bet Cee: and things just keep getting harder
whaleman11: for him and for you
Bet Cee: and my mom too i gues
Bet Cee: although..
Bet Cee: out of everyone
Bet Cee: i hat her
Bet Cee: not him
Bet Cee: i hate her
Bet Cee: she should have seen what was going on
Bet Cee: and she should have gotten involved
Bet Cee: and she should have gotten him help
Bet Cee: and she should have protected me
whaleman11: i can see that
Bet Cee: instead
Bet Cee: she turned the other way
Bet Cee: and helped him beat the shit out of me
Bet Cee: fuck her
Bet Cee: selfish woman
whaleman11: or afraid
Bet Cee: they fought bad too
Bet Cee: thats the fucked up part
Bet Cee: ugh...
Bet Cee: its complicated
Bet Cee: she wasnt afraid of him
Bet Cee: she was afraid to lose him
whaleman11: yea itis never simple
whaleman11: is she pretty?  thin? heavy? tall ? short?
Bet Cee: i think she used to be pretty
Bet Cee: but shes heavy
Bet Cee: and tall
whaleman11: just curious
whaleman11: what about your dad,   big man?
Bet Cee: like strong
Bet Cee: not like fat
whaleman11: but a big guy?
Bet Cee: ya
whaleman11: reason i ask is it seems a lot of men who beat up women are little guys
Bet Cee: interesting....
Bet Cee: i got it
whaleman11: it just sounds like an intolerable situation
whaleman11: with no way out
Bet Cee: so i made a way out
whaleman11: without much planning
whaleman11: but you did get away from it
Bet Cee: errr
whaleman11: and i bet to them it was all your fault
Bet Cee: right
Bet Cee: i duno...
Bet Cee: like yes
Bet Cee: but i duno how much of it was my fault and how much of it wasnt
whaleman11: some days I just want to put my arms around you and protect you
whaleman11: ok now here is something to think about and mybe why the psychologist is digging
whaleman11: at the age this was happneeing maybe you did agitate some of it
whaleman11: but from birth your parents created the atmospher in which it all grew
whaleman11: their failures as parents earlier led to greater failures later but later, you could see it and at times reblel
whaleman11: and when you gorw up in a home like that, you have no way of knowing itis not nromal
whaleman11: the way it is everywhere
Bet Cee: ya...
Bet Cee: i could tolerate it until my uncle deied
whaleman11: and that's when it  really got worse?
Bet Cee: ya
whaleman11: how long was that before you took off
Bet Cee: maybe like little more than 6 months
whaleman11: ohhh taht soon
whaleman11: i pictured a year or two
Bet Cee: omg no
whaleman11: and you were a junior in high school
whaleman11: ?
Bet Cee: ya
Bet Cee: i just think too many things happened to fast
whaleman11: sounds like it
whaleman11: iwould like to talk sometime about that first night or two
Bet Cee: when i left?
whaleman11: yes
Bet Cee: lol ok
Bet Cee: parents...cant live with them and cant live withoutt hem
whaleman11: lol for sure
Bet Cee: and there isnt much to say about the first few nights
whaleman11: well like where did you stay? what did you eat, how didyou get out of town, did youleave right a way
Bet Cee: did i say too much?
Bet Cee: you got quiet
Bet Cee: that makes me nervous...
whaleman11: did you have a destination
whaleman11: lol don't let it   you stop and think sometimes too
Bet Cee: k...
Bet Cee: what r u thinking about
whaleman11: but we can talk about this some other time
whaleman11: don't let my silence make you nervous
whaleman11: sometimes you go quiet while you think too
whaleman11: making more sense?
Bet Cee: ya
whaleman11: ok good
whaleman11: and sorry  hunger isovertaking me
whaleman11: not to mention yawns
Bet Cee: oh no!
Bet Cee: its too early
Bet Cee: i am putting you to sleep!
Bet Cee: lol thats terrible
Bet Cee: its like i put you through family videos
Bet Cee: lol
Bet Cee: and now you have to politely smile
whaleman11: haha if i see ONE more brthday cake i am going too scream
Bet Cee: birthdday cake?
whaleman11: in the videos
Bet Cee: k...
whaleman11: supposed to be funny
whaleman11: guess it wasn't
whaleman11: i tried
Bet Cee: you are so good
Bet Cee: lol
Bet Cee: dinner time?
whaleman11: what the heck makes you say tht?
whaleman11: good not dinner
Bet Cee: lol
Bet Cee: youre just a good guy
Bet Cee: thats all
whaleman11: thank you
whaleman11: haven't been called that much in my life
Bet Cee: really?
whaleman11: really
Bet Cee: well...you are
whaleman11: thank you
whaleman11: again
Bet Cee: i like talking to you
whaleman11: i enjoy it too Betsy
Bet Cee: you make me feel safe
whaleman11: i want to do that and i want to maky you feel loved too
Bet Cee: that makes me uncomfy
whaleman11: more than that, I want you to BE safe
Bet Cee: but we can talk about that anothertime
Bet Cee: im safe here...
whaleman11: yes you are
whaleman11: iand i have felt so good about that all year
whaleman11: i don't have to leave you at night and wonder if you will be there in the morning
Bet Cee: hahah ur probobly the first person who has ever wondered about that
Bet Cee: and ya its pretty cool to not have to spend all dayworrying where im gonna be that night

-->

1 comment:

  1. True that birth is not always the best choice to make for a child. Not having a life is probably much better than a lifetime of neglect and punishment. That's not too hard to understand when you've seen kids who have lived through that. Kids are not like a sack of flour you can leave on a shelf somewhere until a buyer comes along who wants the product.

    ReplyDelete

Interesting quotations

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Things sports announcers say

"… there's a fearlessment about him …"

"He's got to have the lead if he's going to win this race."

"Kansas has always had the ability to score with the basketball."

"NFL to put computer chips in balls." Oh, that's gotta hurt.

"Now that you're in the finals you have to run the race that's going to get you on the podium."

"It's very important for both sides that they stay on their feet."

This is why you get to hate sportscasters. Kansas beats Texas for the first time since 1938. So the pundits open their segment with the question "let's talk about what went wrong." Wrong? Kansas WON a football game! That's what went RIGHT!

"I brought out the thermostat to show you how cold it is here." Points to a thermometer reading zero in Minneapolis.

"It's tough to win on the road when you turn the ball over." Oh, really? Like you can do all right if you turn the ball over playing at home?

Cliches so imbedded in sportscasters' minds they can't help themselves: "Minnesota fell from the ranks of the undefeated today." What ranks? They were the only undefeated team left.

A good one: A 5'10" player went up and caught a pass off a defensive back over six feet tall. The quote? "He's got some hops."

Best homonym of the day so far: "It's all tied. Alabama 34, Kentucky 3." Oh, Tide.

"Steve Hooker commentates on his Olympic pole vault gold medal." When "comments" just won't do.

"He's certainly capable of the top ten, maybe even higher than that."

"Atlanta is capable of doing what they're doing."

"Biyombo, one of seven kids from the Republic of Congo." In the NBA? In America? In his whole country?

"You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive."

"They're gonna be in every game they play!"

"First you have to get two strikes on the hitter before you get the strikeout."

"The game ended in the final seconds." You have to wonder when the others ended or are they still going on?

How is a team down by one touchdown before the half "totally demoralized?"

"If they score runs they will win."

"I think the matchup is what it is"

After a play a Houston defender was on his knees, his head on the ground and his hand underneath him appeared to clutch a very sensitive part of the male anatomy. He rolled onto his back and quickly removed his hand. (Remember the old Cosby routine "you cannot touch certain parts of your body?") Finally they helped the guy to the sideline and then the replay was shown. In it the guy clearly took a hard knee between his thighs. As this was being shown, one of the announcers says, "It looks like he hurt his shoulder." The other agrees and then they both talk about how serious a shoulder injury can be. Were we watching the same game?

"Somebody is going to be the quarterback or we're going to see a new quarterback."

"If you're gonna play running back in the SEC you're gonna take hits."

"That was a playmaker making a play."

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Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

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Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve