Time to take the bull by the tail and face the situation

There is a lament every Alaskan has heard. You meet someone, a new acquaintance, a long-lost relative, a friend of a friend. That person looks at you with faraway eyes and upon learning you live in Alaska, says something like, “Oh, I have always wanted to go to Alaska.” or “I always wanted to take one of those cruises” or “I have a niece who lives there I always wanted to visit” or, my personal favorite: “If I were younger....” Another is the assumption because you live in Alaska you are by definition an outdoors person. I met a woman at a party in the Big Outside once who upon learning i was from Alaska offered "Oh, i love camping." I walked away. And get this, at minus 50 degrees F, no one is an outdoorsman unless he really has to be. The most you do outdoors is reach out and grab another stick of wood for the fire and slam the door quickly. It is not nearly that cold during the summer tourist season.

Sometimes the comments sound like all that insincere bulldust you hear among people at a cocktail party, “hello, dear, you look wonderful” or ‘how nice to see you” or “how are you doing.” The real meaning of those being “I have to say something civil.” In the case of Alaska, it more means “Gawd, how could you live in a place like that?” Or, “what kind of ruffian are you?” or “I can’t catch anything from you, can I?”

Well, this year we are calling your bluff. No more, “I always wanted to go there, but I could never afford it.” It is time to separate the filet mignon from the bull. As the old saying goes, every cloud has a silver lining and in this case the cloud is the recession.

So, get this, no more excuses. Either admit you have no intention of ever visiting Alaska or buy a ticket. Cruise lines and other tourism businesses are already feeling a decline in the early sales of tour packages and as a result are offering huge discounts, some as much as 40 percent. I saw one fare for an Alaska cruise that normally goes for around $800 offered for $425. Even local businesses that cater to tourists are feeling the pinch and offering deals.

So, assuming you are not also receding, now is the time. After this no more excuses, no more idle chat. Anything like that will be met with derision and disbelief or the simple bulldust cocktail chat line “You had your chance.”

(Oh, just one little aside: I already have a couple of family members threatening to visit and that is about all I can handle in one summer.)