It’s plot, there has to be a plot

Paranoia rears its ugly head in the form of another ugly natural form, the moose. It does take a moose to appreciate the beauty of another moose, although many of us enjoy seeing them, except maybe in the middle of a two-lane curvy road in the dark when we are doing almost 60.

The plot is I have gotten the idea moose are really aiming at me and in a suicidal manner. I mean I have lived in Alaska for 35 years. For 30 of those years I never even came close to hitting one on the road. But in the past five I have hit two (in reality, the second one hit me) had two incredibly close calls including one last night. And several other encounters that could have been close or worse. It is like the whole population woke up and discovered, hey. here’s this guy we haven’t even scared yet -- and the onslaught began.

Last night roaring down the two-lane next to the mountain a moose burst up out of a deep ditch and onto the roadway heading across. In the brief instant I saw him I could tell it was going to keep coming whether it saw me or not. It was like I am bigger than you so I am going to cross the road. It was so close there was no time to hit the horn, just the brakes and one thing about anti-lock brakes is they don’t stop you fast enough on dry pavement. Anyway I have no idea how I missed this guy. I am sure the top of the car passed right under his chin. By the time I could check the rear view mirror he had disappeared into the darkness.

One more close call, and it started the thought process of them actually aiming at me, moose standing by the side of the road waiting in ambush. Guy lives here that long and thinks he is going to get away with it.

Then I had to think. Of the 35 years, I didn’t own a car for 11 of them and beyond that for another 14 I lived in one of the few parts of Alaska where there aren’t any moose. So really, there have only been about 10 years where I was exposed and only five of those that I did any lengthy commuting.

So, the final conclusion? Paranoia, at least in this case is fiction. No plot. Just recent maximum exposure. So, maybe it is time to recognize it and slow down and forget daydreaming on the highway.

But just let one of them wander into my new garden and we’ll see who discovers someone is plotting against them.