All material Copyright©Tim Jones
whaleman: one of these days i want to talk about it anyway
BetCbball: we should talk nw
BetCbball: now
whaleman: ok
whaleman: when was the first
time you used meth?
whaleman: was it before or
after you left home?
BetCbball: oh wow
BetCbball: err
BetCbball: first used after i left home
whaleman: do you remember where you were and the circumstance?
BetCbball: like..
whaleman: who was around, who gave it to you was it a party
or just two of you, that sort of thing
BetCbball: i was screwing around this guy
BetCbball: and he was a user
BetCbball: it was just the two of us
BetCbball: was a awesome night
BetCbball: had been doing not awesome..
BetCbball: and he offered me some
BetCbball: wasnt like...
BetCbball: he forced me
BetCbball: or sold it to me
BetCbball: just offered some
BetCbball: best high of my life
whaleman: the first one usually is i undrstand
BetCbball: i really thought that was the light at the end of the tunnel
BetCbball: he was a cool guy in the beginning
BetCbball: like i thought this was just my new way of life
whaleman: can you tell me how that first one affected you
whaleman: physiocally, mentally? where did this happen?
whaleman: city i mean
BetCbball: buffalo
BetCbball: i didnt do anything 'bad' until i got to buffalo
BetCbball: before al this i was really tring to just like...get outta dodge
whaleman: just curious, were yu a virgin when you got to buffalo
BetCbball: haha no
whaleman: so that happened before you left, with that
long term boyfriend?
BetCbball: a meth high is like.. on top of thw orld
BetCbball: you can do anything
BetCbball: and ya
BetCbball: i think ive told you about hi
BetCbball: m
whaleman: jsut that he existed
BetCbball: he existed
BetCbball: he was awesome
whaleman: don't need to dwell on that now
BetCbball: first love absolutely
whaleman: well, ok'
whaleman: can you say what made him awesome'
BetCbball: he was the first person that i ever felt like i could tell
everything
BetCbball: havent you ever had that feeling?
whaleman: no, not really
BetCbball: and we had similar stuff going on...kinda..
whaleman: Tht sound ritht
BetCbball: but i fucked that one up
whaleman: how?
BetCbball: like...uh..i was too much....
BetCbball: wasnt fair to him
whaleman: forgive me if i seem blunt here,
BetCbball: i was kinda starting to realize i needed to get out
whaleman: too much in what aay
whaleman: ok i can understand that
BetCbball: like i was cutting and he saw it....
BetCbball: and would call him hyperventilating wanting to be dead..
whaleman: by cutting do you mean on your arms or cutting classes?
BetCbball: my body
BetCbball: home was a lot of stress...and i didnt know how to handle it
BetCbball: and it upset him
BetCbball: so he booked it
BetCbball: which....good for him
whaleman: do you still have scars from that?
BetCbball: ya
whaleman: i can imagine with all it seemed you had going on at home it was
tough on a kid in school
BetCbball: i think thats probobly pretty normal for teenagers
BetCbball: like happens a lot
whaleman: yeah i did some reading about cutting a few years ago when i met
someone else on here who was doing it
whaleman: it was new to me then
BetCbball: it gives you like a releif
BetCbball: like a high
BetCbball: small high
whaleman: yes i understood
whaleman: what i recall from what i read was that it usually is not so much
about getting attention as it is about feeling something, anything
BetCbball: exactly
BetCbball: EXACTLY
whaleman: <<<< not so out of tpuch for an old guy lol
whaleman: ok
whaleman: well tell me about th high
BetCbball: haha youre not out of trouch
BetCbball: cutting?
whaleman: yu said it was like you felt you cold do anything
BetCbball: geez that was a long time ago
whaleman: no the meth
BetCbball: oh meth
BetCbball: hahah
BetCbball: wayyy better
BetCbball: like invinsible
BetCbball: like...confident
BetCbball: on top of the world
BetCbball: NOTHING is wrong
whaleman: or can go wrong?
BetCbball: could handle anything that went wrong
BetCbball: like bad things arent so bad
whaleman: oh
BetCbball: everything is god
BetCbball: good
whaleman: does it intensify feelings?
whaleman: like is sex better with it?
BetCbball: sex is WAY better with it
BetCbball: like feels better goes better is better
BetCbball: easy to have sex with gross people
whaleman: when you were working on the street did that help you through it?
BetCbball: ya
BetCbball: totally
whaleman: HOw about other things, could you function in normal things
liek shopoping or just routine parts of life?
BetCbball: i think so...but like i wasnt sucessful
BetCbball: so maybe no
BetCbball: lol
whaleman: In the book the girl knew immediately it was bad for her, but she succumbed to the effects and went with it and she kept knowing it was bad but going back to it anyway… did you? think of it as bad at first, or ever, for that matter
whaleman: In the book the girl knew immediately it was bad for her, but she succumbed to the effects and went with it and she kept knowing it was bad but going back to it anyway… did you? think of it as bad at first, or ever, for that matter
BetCbball: haha ya like hte frist time using you knwo its bad
BetCbball: but it doesnt matter
BetCbball: like i said..
BetCbball: i was leaving a life that didnt work
whaleman: she had a good life and she knew it, no major traumas, good grades, stable family though parents divorced, but generally all right, maybe little bored with that. It was her real father who turned her on. So you were quite different, you were looking for a way out, a way to find new life, she was the opposite, had a good life, but succumbed to the rush. Same result, differnt path
BetCbball: so i was willing to try anything that wasnt that
BetCbball: and if this was a option for a new life that i could handle
BetCbball: then it was better
BetCbball: and i just wanted something better
BetCbball: and with meth...things hurt less, for sure
AND, please, understand this is a work of total fiction.
The book referred to above is "Crank" by Ellen Hopkins. Find it on Amazon.
Conversation with an older writer
AND, please, understand this is a work of total fiction.
The book referred to above is "Crank" by Ellen Hopkins. Find it on Amazon.
Conversation with an older writer
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