Introverts un-unite: suppose you gave a party and nobody came

All we have to do is move five yards of soil from over here to over there. Let's get down and par--taaay.

So, today I went on Facebook and Twitter with a party invitation. "Party tomorrow, pizza and beer, bring your own shovel," knowing full well no one is going to show up. At least the two other times I made an invitation to a party here (one was when I had two cords of wood to split) no one came.

It was after I had posted it and it had been up a while, I realized what I had done. I have invented the perfect introvert's party, offer a huge amount of work for no more than pizza and beer. I bet even a live band wouldn't attract anybody. I mean all we have to do is move five yards of that rich Matanuska Valley topsoil from over here to over there. What could be more fun? Ha. I got lots of "likes" and a couple of comments but no interest whatsoever in coming by and helping out. Of course, it's planned for a weekday as well, which does nothing to add to the attraction. And no one will have to hear the introvert's lament: "I'm here, I'm uncomfortable, I want to go home." Problem with being the host is you are stuck.

It's all right. I wasn't looking forward to company anyway. I will fire up the boom box, put on my Lady Gaga T-shirt, pick up my shovel and go to town on it. Chain gang songs work well. "I picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine, loaded 16 tons of number nine coal and the straw boss said 'well bless my soul'…" Belafonte had some good ones too.

I will have a good long job to do with the mental freedom to plan my next party. Should be around August when the guy brings firewood. Y'all invited to that one too.

It's all right to be an introvert as long as you keep it to yourself