I'm not scared of dyin'

I'm not sure what to say about this without sounding maudlin, but when my current anthem, BeeGees' "Stayin' Alive" has run its course, this is the next song on the playlist.

 

 

Written by Laura Nyro

"And When I Die" - In Remembrance of David Clayton-Thomas

One of the most memorable performances of David Clayton-Thomas's remarkable career was "And When I Die," the powerful 1969 hit by Blood, Sweat & Tears. Ironically, a song with such a sobering title became one of the most life-affirming recordings of the era.

Written by Laura Nyro, the song found its perfect interpreter in Clayton-Thomas. His rich, soulful voice brought warmth, strength, and conviction to lyrics that remind us to embrace life rather than fear its end. Released in 1969, the recording became a No. 2 hit on the Billboard Hot 100 and remains one of Blood, Sweat & Tears' defining classics.

With its soaring brass arrangements, infectious rhythm, and David's unforgettable vocal performance, "And When I Die" showcased everything that made Blood, Sweat & Tears unique. More than five decades later, it continues to resonate with listeners for its honesty, hope, and timeless message.

Now, just one day after David Clayton-Thomas's passing, the words of this classic take on an even deeper meaning. His voice may have fallen silent, but the music he gave us will continue to inspire generations to come.

Rest in peace, David Clayton-Thomas. Thank you for the songs, the passion, and the unforgettable performances. Your legacy will live on every time the horns begin to play and your unmistakable voice fills the room.

Memorials
 

BREAKING NEWS! This sure brightened up a day (For a while)

Mowed down.

The bees seemed enthusiastic

BREAKING NEWS

So much for the grand plan. I woke up today (Friday 6/19) to the sound of a lawn mower. Below my window a person on a riding mower had plowed through all the dandelions in the center of the lawn. I spoke with her later and she said she'd been told to leave a bunch of flowers "somewhere." This is what we got. She did leave a section of flowers uncut next to the building visible to the lower right in the top picture.

 PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED

Every summer since I've lived here the lawn outside my window had been filled with bright yellow dandelions — at least until a staff member came along and mowed them down. Finally last winter while I was talking with a member of the management team I suggested they leave a strip of the flowers alone. She immediately caught on, bringing up the subject of aid for bees along with adding some color to the yard. She asked me to remind her later toward the approach of springtime. Come springtime a friend and I took a tape measure out there and using the measurements and a photo I took of the yard I generated a kind of outline where to cut. I took the result and gave it to her and that was that. Then we passed Green Day and a cold May. When plants started flowering in early June, I checked every day and no dandelions except close to the building. Today I heard the mower and raced to the window to see a couple of cuts all the way down the yard, but the driver had left a flood of yellow on the side next to the building. I went down to take some pictures and there were bees everywhere. SUCCESS! I still wonder why no flowers showed in the center. BTW Thank you Laurie for making this happen.

AN UPDATE — A couple of days later some heavy equipment showed up, I think to wash second-story windows, and crushed a bunch of the flowers. After that the dandelions began spreading toward the center of the yard.

The wreckage but notice flowers creeping toward the center. 

Good night Stephen

Ever since I left the East Pole for the last time it has been my habit to watch the Stephen Colbert show five nights a week before heading for bed. That was until tonight (5/21/2026). In that time for the most part I stopped drinking. I never officially quit it was just over time after I quit smoking, I stopped drinking too. that was until Colbert's last show on TV after CBS network officials knuckled under His Trumpness's 'pressure and cancelled his show. Then came his last episode:All right, first, it wouldn't have been right if it hadn't ended with a tear-jerker. But let's start at the beginning. I poured myself a scotch on the rock. Expensive single malt and singular rock because I have this ice tray that makes cubes so big I have to hold them in my fist under running water until they melt enough to pass through the neck of the snifter. Then settled in for the rest of the show, entertaining, but not emotion-raising. (I'm sure it's on YouTube somewhere) I came close to finishing the first pour and dipped a little into the snifter before they went into this song, I just hope we're saying hello. And still (almost) sober but feeling it. (one hint, listen through the first song. It was the second that got to me.) I'm not sure what I'm going to do at the 10:30 hour from now on.

ONE MILLION!

OK, now here's a number I could never expect to have any relationship with. Then tonight at around 10:23 Alaska Daylight Time, April, 11, 2026, the Google counter that logs hits on this blog posted the number 1,000,000, that's right ONE MILLION blog hits. Knocked me over. 

Visits with old friends

Here's something I never thought about until one cold morning in January 2026.  Every day it's part of my wake-up routine to scroll down the list of memories facebook puts up. Today there were several replies posted by two friends who have died in recent years. As the realization dawned on me there were sudden moments of sadness. But soon enough I realized in a way they are still with me and for a few moments I am again connecting with them and sharing brief interludes and fond memories with each one. After this was posted, another friend (living) wrote about similar experiences. She likened them to social visits.

And there was this follow-up: Here's an example: A few days after I posted about the warmth in reading memory conversations with friends who have died, this came across talking about writing with a friend:

"Joe May

What about the blood on the floor, Tim???

Tim Jones

Beads of it dripping like perspiration from your brow.

Joe May

This evokes an image of someone hunched over an old Underwood typewriter pecking away by the light of a Coleman lantern. The raw plywood floor around his chair is spattered with new and old stains of blood, sweat, and tears. The rusty oil drum stove is surrounded by empty ravioli cans and ice cream cartons. How close is this?

Tim Jones

You just described the 10 x 14 cabin on the Susitna River where I wrote The Last Great Race. My typewriter was an office upright that dated back to the 1930s that I bought from the Chicago Tribune when I worked there. The only thing missing from your picture is the ermine who used to venture out onto the open floor, stand up on his hind legs and look at me like I was crazy."

    

 Since that time I have paid more attention to the comments on posts in my memories lists. Even if I find only one it shines a warm light into the approaching day. Joe and I had several conversations like this one, thinking I might post a few more as I come across them.

 

A serious shortage

Here's another one of those "Memories" social visits: 

April 14, 2021 Tim Jones ·

Can somebody tell me why there's a Dinty Moore Beef Stew shortage. Is it a pandemic thing? Hoarding canned stew. I haven't seen any in my stores since maybe early February. Other brands yes, but not Dinty Moore. This is serious. 

Joe May I bought 2 cans around Christmas. Hope I'm not responsible.

Report when you find more.

Tim Jones

Author

I could blame you if I hadn’t bought more than that in December for my winter supply; no more than usual though. I always leave at least one on the shelf.

Johnny Augustus Vespillo Newman

I love Dinty Moore

Tim Jones

Author

Do you know where the name came from?

Johnny Augustus Vespillo Newman

i do not

Tim Jones

He was a character in the Popeye comics

Joe May

He was cook on a tugboat I worked on in 1957. He baked his cakes on both sides. He also drank a lot, both on and off the job.

RECIPE CHAT

April 19, 2015  ·

Shared with Your friends

Enough of this. No more Facebook recipes. Garlic and brown sugar glazed chicken is not nearly as good as it sounds.

Emma Silver —Lol I'm with you

Carla Helfferich —Too bad--it does sound good.

Kitty Delorey Fleischman — I used to think you couldn't use too much garlic until I put six bulbs in a hummus recipe. When it was finally edible, I had about a gallon of it.

Joe May — I have a recipe for smoked salmon dip that I don't even share with Sandra. Women just don't seem to understand the alchemy of dead fish. I had considered putting it in my will for eldest son but If you're interested, let me know....

Kate KT McKee — I could say something really crass here in response to Joe, but will let him off the hook this time.

Joe May — Old Scandinavian humor, Kate. No offense intended.

Tim Jones — Joe, as long as there's no brown sugar in that dip recipe I'd love to have it.

 

Another throwback Thursday: This is late 40s/early 50s at a farm we owned in Java, N.Y. As I recall i seldom took off that coonskin cap. A bit of the history can be found here http://alaskaatitude.blogspot.com/.../there-goes...

Joe May

Same design: Used mine to haul logs. Other end of the log was strapped to the back of a Honda three wheeler ATV. Wheel barrow driver needed only lift the handles and run like hell to keep up. Very tricky....

Tim Jones I doubt that mine ever held a log, but I did pack some stuff on it one day and try to run away from home there. After pushing it up a hill, once I reached the other side and was out of sight, I got scared and went back. I don't think anybody even knew I had gone. They didn't make ATVs at this time.

 

Joe May

We hauled 16 ft roofing tin through our swamp with this rig...Sandra on the wheelbarrow handles, me on the three wheeler....I still remember the words she used.

 

 Tim Jones ·

I can imagine. I didn't know those words yet when I pushed that thing up the hil

Philip Munger

  ·

Timmy, Timmy Crockett, King of the wild back yard.....

 

Tim Jones

  ·

It was a hundred acre wood

 

Marian Nattrass

  ·

Never knew your family had a farm in Java. Interesting!

Tim Jones

  ·

Not a working farm, really just land but it did have a sugar bush.

 

Del Allison

  ·

Tim, your expression of isolation including your snow machine, & fat tire bikes, resembles my personal thoughts, having never owned either. My mode of remote travel for over thirty years in Alaska, was dog team. Blazing trails and enjoying Mother Nature. Mechanical transportation is a total distraction to peace & tranquility. I still wondered what the result would be if gas pumps went dry and the power grid shut down. The wild berries providing the wine spirits, with an evening toast to the "Aurora" dancing on the horizon. Happy New Year...

 

Sunday morning mayhem

  

PBS photo

 

On a Sunday morning: Help me get this straight. Out of a bunch of unconstitutional thugs an apparently innocent woman is shot to death in her car. Immediately our leadership blames her and denies access to the crime evidence to local authorities in the process. A city population responds with mostly lawful objection. Our elected democratic government leadership responds by threatening to send in military troops, not to defend the innocent, but to protect the perpetrators. Meanwhile that same government is threatening to intervene in a foreign country to protect demonstrators against that government, all the while that democratically elected government threatens military action against a supposed ally to take new territory and develop its own government in a third country already invaded and take over its economy. So, putting it all together the president has the United States threatening war on three fronts while sending troops against our own citizens. Do I have that right? Is this the land of freedom our forefathers envisioned? I don't think so.

PS: I might add, our elected leader of this mayhem believes he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize.  

And then there's this, just to mention a few:

Linda Lewis

tonrosdSpeAy87if6gtca n 9a1 51uhfM2i3a5t3:3 509Ja530l693lu0r  ·

I owe my Trump-supporting friends an apology. I’ve been critical of the Trump presidency and am still exhausted from the experience. But to be fair, President Trump wasn’t that bad, other than when:

He incited an insurrection against the government

Mismanaged a pandemic that killed nearly half a million Americans

Separated children from their families, and lost those children in the bureaucracy

Tear-gassed peaceful protesters on Lafayette Square so he could hold a photo op holding a Bible in front of a church

Tried to block all Muslims from entering the country

Got impeached, got impeached again

Had the worst jobs record of any president in modern history

Pressured Ukraine to dig dirt on Joe Biden

Fired the FBI director for investigating his ties to Russia

 

Bragged about firing the FBI director on TV

Took Vladimir Putin’s word over the US intelligence community

Diverted military funding to build his wall

Caused the longest government shutdown in US history

Called Black Lives Matter a “symbol of hate"

Lied 30,000 times

Banned transgender people from serving in the military

Ejected reporters from the White House briefing room who asked tough questions

Vetoed the defense funding bill because it renamed military bases named for Confederate soldiers

Refused to release his tax returns

Increased the national debt by nearly $8 trillion

Had three of the highest annual trade deficits in U.S. history

Called veterans and soldiers who died in combat losers and suckers

Coddled the leader of Saudi Arabia after he ordered the execution and dismembering of a US-based journalist

Refused to concede the 2020 election

Hired his unqualified daughter and son-in-law to work in the White House

Walked out of an interview with Lesley Stahl

Called neo-Nazis “very fine people”

Suggested that people should inject bleach into their bodies to fight COVID

Abandoned our allies the Kurds to Turkey

Pushed through massive tax cuts for the wealthiest but balked at helping working Americans

Incited anti-lockdown protestors in several states at the height of the pandemic

Withdrew the US from the Paris climate accords

Withdrew the US from the Iranian nuclear deal

Withdrew the US from the Trans Pacific Partnership which was designed to block China’s advances

Insulted his own Cabinet members on Twitter

Pushed the leader of Montenegro out of the way during a photo op

Failed to reiterate US commitment to defending NATO allies

Called Haiti and African nations “shithole” countries

Called the city of Baltimore the “worst in the nation"

Claimed that he single handedly brought back the phrase “Merry Christmas” even though it hadn’t gone anywhere

Forced his Cabinet members to praise him publicly like some cult leader

Believed he should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize

Berated and belittled his hand-picked Attorney General when he recused himself from the Russia probe

Suggested the US should buy Greenland

Colluded with Mitch McConnell to push through federal judges and two Supreme Court justices after supporting efforts to prevent his predecessor from appointing judges

Repeatedly called the media “enemies of the people"

Claimed that if we tested fewer people for COVID we’d have fewer cases

Violated the emoluments clause

Thought that Namibia was a country

Told Bob Woodward in private that the coronavirus was a big deal but then downplayed it in public

Called his exceedingly faithful vice president a “p---y” for following the Constitution

Nearly got us into a war with Iran after threatening them by tweet

Nominated a corrupt head of the EPA

Nominated a corrupt head of HHS

Nominated a corrupt head of the Interior Department

Nominated a corrupt head of the USDA

Praised dictators and authoritarians around the world while criticizing allies

Refused to allow the presidential transition to begin

Insulted war hero John McCain – even after his death

Spent an obscene amount of time playing golf after criticizing Barack Obama for playing (far less) golf while president

Falsely claimed that he won the 2016 popular vote

Falsely claimed that he turned down being Time’s Man of the Year

Considered firing special counsel Robert Mueller on several occasions

Mocked wearing face masks to guard against transmitting COVID

Locked Congress out of its constitutional duty to confirm Cabinet officials by hiring acting ones

Used a racist dog whistle by calling COVID the “China virus"

Hired and associated with numerous shady figures that were eventually convicted of federal offenses including his campaign manager and national security adviser

Pardoned several of his shady associates

Gave the Presidential Medal of Freedom to two congressman who amplified his batshit crazy conspiracy theories

Got into telephone fight with the leader of Australia(!)

Had a Secretary of State who called him a moron

Forced his press secretary to claim without merit that his was the largest inauguration crowd in history

Botched the COVID vaccine rollout

Tweeted so much dangerous propaganda that Twitter eventually banned him

Charged the Secret Service jacked-up rates at his properties

Constantly interrupted Joe Biden in their first presidential debate

Claimed that COVID would “magically” disappear

Called a U.S. Senator “Pocahontas"

Used his Twitter account to blast Nordstrom when it stopped selling Ivanka’s merchandise

Opened up millions of pristine federal lands to development and drilling

Got into a losing tariff war with China that forced US taxpayers to bail out farmers

Claimed that his losing tariff war was a win for the US

Ignored or didn’t even take part in daily intelligence briefings

Blew off honoring American war dead in France because it was raining

Redesigned Air Force One to look like the Trump Shuttle

Got played by Kim Jung Un and his “love letters"

Threatened to go after social media companies in clear violation of the Constitution

Botched the response to Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico

Threw paper towels and toilet paper at Puerto Ricans when he finally visited them

Pressured the governor and secretary of state of Georgia to “find” him votes

Thought that the Virgin islands had a President

Drew on a map with a Sharpie to justify his inaccurate tweet that Alabama was threatened by a hurricane

Allowed White House staff to use personal email accounts for official businesses after blasting Hillary Clinton for doing the same thing

Rolled back regulations that protected the public from mercury and asbestos

Pushed regulators to waste time studying snake-oil remedies for COVID

Rolled back regulations that stopped coal companies from dumping waste into rivers

Held blatant campaign rallies at the White House

Tried to take away millions of Americans’ health insurance because the law was named for a Black man

Refused to attend his successors’ inauguration

Nominated the worst Education Secretary in history

Threatened judges who didn’t do what he wanted

Attacked Dr. Anthony Fauci

Promised that Mexico would pay for the wall (it didn’t)

Allowed political hacks to overrule government scientists on major reports on climate change and other issues

Struggled navigating a ramp after claiming his opponent was feeble

Called an African-American Congresswoman “low IQ"

Threatened to withhold federal aid from states and cities with Democratic leaders

Went ahead with rallies filled with maskless supporters in the middle of a pandemic

Claimed that legitimate investigations of his wrongdoing were “witch hunts"

Seemed to demonstrate a belief that there were airports during the American Revolution

Demanded “total loyalty” from the FBI director

Praised a conspiracy theory that Democrats are Satanic pedophiles

Completely gutted the Voice of America

Placed a political hack in charge of the Postal Service

Claimed without evidence that the Obama administration bugged Trump Tower

Suggested that the US should allow more people from places like Norway into the country

Suggested that COVID wasn’t that bad because he recovered with the help of top government doctors and treatments not available to the public

Overturned energy conservation standards that even industry supported

Reduced the number of refugees the US accepts

Insulted various members of Congress and the media with infantile nicknames

Gave Rush Limbaugh a Presidential medal of Freedom at the State of the Union address

Named as head of federal personnel a 29-year old who’d previously been fired from the White House for allegations of financial improprieties

Eliminated the White House office of pandemic response

Used soldiers as campaign props

Fired any advisor who made the mistake of disagreeing with him

Demanded the Pentagon throw him a Soviet-style military parade

Hired a ton of white nationalists

Politicized the civil service

Did absolutely nothing after Russia hacked the U.S. government

Falsely said the Boy Scouts called him to say his bizarre Jamboree speech was the best speech ever given to the Scouts

Claimed that Black people would overrun the suburbs if Biden won

Insulted reporters of color and women reporters and women reporters of color

Suggested he was fine with China’s oppression of the Uighurs

Attacked the Supreme Court when it ruled against him

Summoned Pennsylvania state legislative leaders to the White House to pressure them to overturn the election

Spent countless hours every day watching Fox News

Refused to allow his administration to comply with Congressional subpoenas

Hired Rudy Giuliani as his lawyer

Tried to punish Amazon because the Jeff Bezos-owned Washington Post wrote negative stories about him

Acted as if the Attorney General of the United States was his personal attorney

Attempted to get the federal government to defend him in a libel lawsuit from a women who accused him of sexual assault

Held private meetings with Vladimir Putin without staff present

Didn’t disclose his private meetings with Vladimir Putin so that the US had to find out via Russian media

Stopped holding press briefings for months at a time

"Ordered” US companies to leave China even though he has no such power

Led a political party that couldn’t even be bothered to draft a policy platform

Claimed preposterously that Article II of the Constitution gave him absolute powers

Tried to pressure the U.K. to hold the British Open at his golf course

Suggested that the government nuke hurricanes

Suggested that wind turbines cause cancer

Said that he had a special aptitude for science

Fired the head of election cyber security after he said that the 2020 election was secure

Blurted out classified information to Russian officials

Tried to force the G7 to hold their meeting at his failing golf resort in Florida

Fired the acting attorney general when she refused to go along with his unconstitutional Muslim travel ban

Hired Stephen Miller

Openly discussed national security issues in the dining room at Mar-a-Lago where everyone could hear them

Interfered with plans to relocate the FBI because a new development there might compete with his hotel

Abandoned Iraqi refugees who’d helped the U.S. during the war

Tried to get Russia back into the G7

Held a COVID super spreader event in the Rose Garden

Seemed to believe that Frederick Douglass is still alive

Lost 60 election fraud cases in court including before judges he had nominated

Falsely claimed that factories were reopening when they weren’t

Shamelessly exploited terror attacks in Europe to justify his anti-immigrant policies

Still hasn’t come up with a healthcare plan

Still hasn’t come up with an infrastructure plan despite repeated “Infrastructure Weeks"

Forced Secret Service agents to drive him around Walter Reed while contagious with COVID

Told the Proud Boys to “stand back and stand by"

F***ed up the Census

Withdrew the U.S. from the World Health Organization in the middle of a pandemic

Did so few of his duties that his press staff were forced to state on his daily schedule “President Trump will work from early in the morning until late in the evening. He will make many calls and have many meetings"

Allowed his staff to repeatedly violate the Hatch Act

Seemed not to know that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican

Stood before sacred CIA wall of heroes and bragged about his election win

Constantly claimed he was treated worse than any president which presumably includes four that were assassinated and his predecessor whose legitimacy and birthplace were challenged by a racist reality TV show star named Donald Trump

Claimed Andrew Jackson could’ve stopped the Civil War even though he died 16 years before it happened

Said that any opinion poll showing him behind was fake

Claimed that other countries laughed at us before he became president when several world leaders were literally laughing at him

Claimed that the military was out of ammunition before he became President

Created a commission to whitewash American history

Retweeted anti-Islam videos from one of the most racist people in Britain

Claimed ludicrously that the Pulse nightclub shooting wouldn’t have happened if someone there had a gun even though there was an armed security guard there

Hired a senior staffer who cited the non-existent Bowling Green Massacre as a reason to ban Muslims

Had a press secretary who claimed that Nazi Germany never used chemical weapons even though every sane human being knows they used gas to kill millions of Jews and others

Bilked the Secret Service for higher than market rates when they had to stay at Trump properties

Apparently sold pardons on his way out of the White House

Stripped protective status from 59,000 Haitians

Falsely claimed Biden wanted to defund the police

Said that the head of the CDC didn’t know what he was talking about

Gave himself an A+ for his handling of the pandemic

Tried to start a boycott of Goodyear tires due to an Internet hoax

Said U.S. rates of COVID would be lower if you didn’t count blue states

Deported U.S. veterans who served their country but were undocumented

Claimed he did more for African Americans than any president since Lincoln

Touted a “super-duper” secret “hypersonic” missile which may or may not be a new “hypersonic” missile or may not exist at all

Retweeted a gif calling Biden a pedophile

Forced through security clearances for his family

Suggested that police officers should rough up suspects

Suggested that Biden was on performance-enhancing drugs

Tried to stop transgender students from being able to use school bathrooms in line with their gender

Suggested the US not accept COVID patients from a cruise ship because it would make US numbers look higher

Nominated a climate change sceptic to chair the committee advising the White House on environmental policy

Retweeted a video doctored to look like Biden had played a song called “F**k tha Police” at a campaign event

Hugged a disturbingly large number of U.S. flags

Accused Democrats of “treason” for not applauding his State of the Union address

Claimed that the FBI failed to capture the Parkland school shooter because they were “spending too much time” on Russia

Mocked the testimony of Dr Christine Blasely Ford when she accused Brett Kavanaugh of sexual assault

Was proven to be close friends with the biggest sexual predictor of young girls

Obsessed over low-flow toilets

Ordered the rerelease of more COVID vaccines when there weren’t any to release

Called for the construction of a bizarre garden of heroes with statutes of famous dead Americans as well as at least one Canadian (Alex Trebek)

Hijacked Washington’s July 4th celebrations to give a partisan speech

Took advice from the MyPillow guy

Claimed that migrants seeking a better life in the US were dangerous caravans of drug dealers and rapists

Said nothing when Vladimir Putin poisoned a leading opposition figure

Never seemed to heed the advice of his wife’s “Be Best” campaign

Falsely claimed that mail-in voting is fraudulent

Announced a precipitous withdrawal of troops from Syria which not only handed Russia and ISIS a win but also prompted his defense secretary to resign in protest

Insulted the leaders of Canada, France, Britain, Germany, and Sweden!!

Falsely claimed credit for getting NATO members to increase their share of dues

Blew off two Asia summits even though they were held virtually

Continued lying about spending lots of time at Ground Zero with 9/11 responders

Said that the Japanese would sit back and watch their “Sony televisions” if the US were ever attacked

Left a NATO summit early in a huff

Stared directly into an eclipse even though everyone over the age of 5 knows not to do that

Called himself a very stable genius despite significant evidence to the contrary

Refused to commit to a peaceful transfer of power and kept his promise, and a whole bunch of other things I can’t remember at the moment.

But other than that. . .

Whoever wrote this deserves credit but I don't know who it is..