So this is terrorism

Without giving it any thought at all I found myself giving in to terrorism today. It happened simply enough and was there before I could put up a defense. Here's how it came about.

I had to journey to the city a place where I find little comfort anyway. I found myself hungry and with an hour to kill so I went to a MacDonald's. They have one thing on the menu that I think is OK with my low-cholesterol diet. With my grilled chicken sandwich on a tray I looked over the available tables. I chose one close to the door which has always been what I've favored for what reason, I have no idea.

It was when I sat down that I realized terrorism was now having its effect on me. My thought was I am the first person someone coming in the door would see. Therefore it would make me the first target if someone came through the doorway shooting. I have never in my life had that thought before. But I realized now it is a very real consideration, given that the most terrorism in this country is some wacknut christian white guy with an AR-15.

I moved. Yes, I did. I succumbed to the terrorists and moved farther back into the restaurant, to a corner with my back to two walls. Mind you, I wasn't terrorized, I wasn't quaking in fear, but I was considering it and reacting to it and I realize now terrorism is a part of my psyche, ingrained.

I doubt I will ever go into a crowd any time again without checking the escape routes, the shelters, the defensible places and it is not because of ISIS or al Quaida or a Syrian refugee or even a Muslim of some kind. I don't feel much threat from them. But when you consider  it, most of the terrorist type attacks in this country come from white guys with some sort of religious justification or are just plain alienated from society. And the problem with those guys is they don’t' plan, there is no sneaky electronic messaging that can be intercepted, no large group from which squealers could be recruited. There's just no logic.

And now they have accomplished what the major terrorism organizations in the world could not. They have me analyzing my surroundings for where threats could emerge and acting accordingly. Isn't that's what the terrorists want? Fear embedded in the mind. White christians accomplished that when all those other guys couldn't. Welcome to my new world. And, as I said to one friend I told about this, I apologize for bringing you into it with me.