Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I saw the light

Northern lights on the way home last night. Dim but they were there and ever so great to see. Apparently this year we are toward the end of an 11-year cycle of low solar activity and there have been very few lights this winter. It made me think of the East Pole and raised a desire to go so I am off on an expotition tomorrow. Weather is perfect, my favorite time of year. Cold nights and warmer days with plenty of snow to get around. On the west-facing deck it gets to 70 degrees in the afternoon sun. You can sit out there in a T shirt at least until the sun goes behind the big tree and it drops to 25 again. A nice place to have an afternoon cocktail. Unfortunately I was watching the northern lights when I should have been watching the road and I just missed a couple of moose. A minute sooner and it would have been tight but they were already stepping off the road when I came up on them. That got the adrenaline flowing a bit. The rest of the way home I got to feeling like I have been away from Alaska for a while and need to get back.
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Sunday, February 8, 2009

Horseshoes and hand grenades

As in almost. They almost got me last night. Driving home on that narrow road in the narrowest part with barely room between steep mountainside and the river, and me tired and half mesmerized by the road, a moose came sliding down the mountain out of the upper darkness into my headlight beams with what appeared to be all intentions of running out into the road, Years ago I had been looking at a small herd of caribou near the road and a truck driver went past laying on his horn. The caribou jumped away from the road and I realized the driver did this as precaution. I filed that away as maybe a better reaction than brakes if i were to encounter a moose in the road and it has worked for me every time but, um, well, twice. Well, when this moose came careening down the steep slope I hit the brakes and horn at the same time and he turned, running along next to the car in the ditch. Mind you, the distance between us was only about 10 feet but it was enough and I got past him. That is the second time I have seen a moose in this stretch of road in the past three days, a place where I hadn't ever seen one before. At any rate, it was close enough to get the adrenaline flowing and though that created the urge to get home a lot faster, caution prevailed and I went considerably slower the rest of the way.
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Friday, February 6, 2009

Species: The interaction


This was kind of cool. To fill the feeder in the picture I have to take it down, remove the top and pour seed into it. As I was reaching to hang the newly filled feeder back up, a chickadee actually flew under my arm and up onto the feeder, landing just inches from my face. He poked in the seed then probably realized something was different and turned and gave me a good long look. I remained as still as i could and he went back to the seed, took one and then a second, looked at me and then flew away again.
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Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Guess who's coming to dinner



A little excitement around the bird feeders today. At the rate the birds are going through seed, not sure i can afford to feed a moose. Just opened my fourth 25 lb bag of black sunflower seeds this winter (and that doesn't count i don't know how many bags of the expensive chips and hearts). Wonder how many bags it takes to feed a moose. Of course if it hung around long enough there might be a payback. A funny only-in-Alaska story. Years ago a friend of mine was building a house. By the time winter came, all he had were the four concrete block walls surrounding the basement dug in the ground. Somehow a young moose got down in there and couldn't get out. My friend tried everything to get the moose out of there. Even, with a wary eye on the moose, built a ramp so it might walk out but nothing worked. In frustration he called the Department of Fish & Game, but they refused to do anything about it. Well, that seemed like a mandate. So, my friend bought some expensive feed, if i recall, it was oats and corn, but i could be wrong about that. After feeding it for about a month, well, you can guess what happened next. That was about the tenderest, most delicious moose ever put on a plate. And, though it sounds expensive to feed it, still cheaper than a charter flight to somewhere you might shoot one on a hunt. Kind of an interesting place to live where you can enjoy a beautiful animal walking through the yard, but in the same train think supper and without any guilt about it.

One time on the tour boat, a fellow from the nearby Native village went along. He hung out with me and we talked through most of the trip. When we started pushing through the brash ice in the water near the glacier, he was looking at the seals up on the burgs as much as the tourists were. One difference: Where they were oohing and aahing over the cute animals, he kept whispering "lunch.' I kept trying to shush him and he knew i was nervous about it and just kept it up, but never loud enough for anyone to hear, thankfully. One thing though, I had this trick where if i whistled a tune out the wheelhouse door, the seals would be curious and tended to stay up on the ice longer as we approached. I didn't whistle that day. While sympathetic to the need to hunt and the food source, i couldn't see teaching the hunter a new trick and making it easier for him. i doubt he would have known the right tune anyway. I had a running argument with another skipper who swore Mozart was the best music to whistle to keep the seals up on the icebergs. I found Eric Clapton's "Layla" worked best for me. Those long wailing notes seemed to mesmerize the seals

Some days I guess you just need to ramble, but how did I get from a moose around the bird feeders to whistling Clapton to seals near a glacier?
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Sunday, February 1, 2009

Super bowl sleaze

Sitting here watching the super bowl pregame shows. You know going in there are going to be a lot of commercials. I mean, the game is famous for the innovative advertising it generates and some people admit to watching only to see those. But, NBC has taken sleazy, sneaky advertising to a new level. Just about every other segment in their pregame involves Today show weatherman (someone who has nothing to do with football) interviewing NBC entertainers from NBC shows and some company produced movies. All it is is publicity for upcoming NBC programming and has nothing to do with the Super Bowl whatsoever, except that Roker manages to ask each NBC actor some football question. Does anybody really care who Will Ferrell thinks will win the super bowl?
It has always been my understanding broadcasters are only allowed so many minutes of advertising per hour. These promotion segments should be charged against advertising minutes. It got so offensive I finally turned it off. A rerun of Desperate Housewives is better than this.
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Best headlines ever

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel

Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.― Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”―Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Commenting on an athlete with hearing impairment he said the player didn’t show any “uncomfortability.” “He's not doing things he can't do."

"… there's a fearlessment about him …"

"He's got to have the lead if he's going to win this race." "

"Kansas has always had the ability to score with the basketball."

"NFL to put computer chips in balls." Oh, that's gotta hurt.

"Now that you're in the finals you have to run the race that's going to get you on the podium."

"It's very important for both sides that they stay on their feet."

This is why you get to hate sportscasters. Kansas beats Texas for the first time since 1938. So the pundits open their segment with the question "let's talk about what went wrong." Wrong? Kansas WON a football game! That's what went RIGHT!

"I brought out the thermostat to show you how cold it is here." Points to a thermometer reading zero in Minneapolis.

"It's tough to win on the road when you turn the ball over." Oh, really? Like you can do all right if you turn the ball over playing at home?

Cliches so embedded in sportscasters' minds they can't help themselves: "Minnesota fell from the ranks of the undefeated today." What ranks? They were the only undefeated team left.

A good one: A 5'10" player went up and caught a pass off a defensive back over six feet tall. The quote? "He's got some hops."

Best homonym of the day so far: "It's all tied. Alabama 34, Kentucky 3." Oh, Tide.

"Steve Hooker commentates on his Olympic pole vault gold medal." When "comments" just won't do.

"He's certainly capable of the top ten, maybe even higher than that."

"Atlanta is capable of doing what they're doing."

"Biyombo, one of seven kids from the Republic of Congo." In the NBA? In America? In his whole country?

"You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive."

"They're gonna be in every game they play!"

"First you have to get two strikes on the hitter before you get the strikeout."

"The game ended in the final seconds." You have to wonder when the others ended or are they still going on?

How is a team down by one touchdown before the half "totally demoralized?"

"If they score runs they will win."

"I think the matchup is what it is"

After a play a Houston defender was on his knees, his head on the ground and his hand underneath him appeared to clutch a very sensitive part of the male anatomy. He rolled onto his back and quickly removed his hand. (Remember the old Cosby routine "you cannot touch certain parts of your body?") Finally they helped the guy to the sideline and then the replay was shown. In it the guy clearly took a hard knee between his thighs. As this was being shown, one of the announcers says, "It looks like he hurt his shoulder." The other agrees and then they both talk about how serious a shoulder injury can be. Were we watching the same game?

"Somebody is going to be the quarterback or we're going to see a new quarterback."

"That was a playmaker making a play.”