Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Out of the haze of drugs, a day of optimism



A very pleasant afternoon writing, playing an iTunes playlist with 88 songs on it and vowing to stick with it at least until I hear the first song repeat. There may be a glass of wine toward the end of it. I've been working on this daily now, and today I came across something that raised some emotion. For everything this girl goes through, the drugs, the overdoses, the life on the street, the men, everything often sounds so tragic and depressing. But today I worked on this conversation, where for a short period of time she was very optimistic. She was in a group home for troubled street women and between me and the people in the home, we got her to try for her GED. She didn't do well the first time and was very depressed about it. But then a woman counselor came to the home and helped her study for another try. This conversation happened during the first week's study sessions:
(once again forgive the typos and misspellings and grammar, but that is how the relationship unfolded)

Bet Cee: ya...only the first week
Bet Cee: lol
Bet Cee: i duno
Bet Cee: there have been a lot of changes in a week
Bet Cee: like.. a change in direction kinda
Bet Cee: duno...what it is..but its good
whaleman11: that is the best paert of it
whaleman11: you have resisted other changes
whaleman11: so happy to see you embrace this one
Bet Cee: ya its like..
Bet Cee: you do this and this and this and that will happen..
Bet Cee: like a clear path..
Bet Cee: and this lady explains things real good
Bet Cee: like why we are doing something
whaleman11: yup witha  clear goal
Bet Cee: or why we are talking abotu something
Bet Cee: and like what a ged will do for me
Bet Cee: and what it means i can do
whaleman11: stuff i tried to tell you but didn't do it very well
Bet Cee: lol...its like the same stuff you were saying
Bet Cee: but like...
Bet Cee: someone here is like opening the door..
Bet Cee: i dont have to like explain myself
whaleman11: yes
Bet Cee: and ask questions to get there...
Bet Cee: but its different
Bet Cee: im rambling
Bet Cee: im just excited...
whaleman11: yes i can tell
whaleman11: itis charming
whaleman11: i love seing you like this
Bet Cee: you called me charming? lol
whaleman11: lol  i said your actions are charming
whaleman11: not sure about you yet  lol
Bet Cee: hmmm...ill have to show you how charming i can be
Bet Cee: lol
Bet Cee: i like beigng in a good mood
whaleman11: you being in a good mood helps me be in one too
Bet Cee: awesome!
whaleman11: :-)
Bet Cee: im in a real good mood
Bet Cee: and i even had a good breakfast with psycho
whaleman11: things start to mushroom
whaleman11: one leads to another
Bet Cee: what does that mean?
whaleman11: it means heappiness spreads
whaleman11: themushroom is biggerand spread out  at the top than at the bottom
Bet Cee: ya totally!!
Bet Cee: :-)
whaleman11: but don't eat the mushroom lol
Bet Cee: O :-)
Bet Cee: no more drugs...
whaleman11: for sure
Bet Cee: do do dooo do do doo do
whaleman11: and the colored girl said  doot dah doooo
Bet Cee:  :-)
whaleman11: i bought that song after that day i told it to you, Lou Reed, "Walk on the Wild Side"
Bet Cee: nice
Bet Cee: :-)
Bet Cee: hehehe
Bet Cee: i wanna talk talk talk talk talk
Bet Cee: ill talk your ear off
Bet Cee: which is supposed to be a friendly HI
Bet Cee: not a threatening thing
Bet Cee: im on cloud nine
Bet Cee: i dont have much to say
Bet Cee: just talk talk talk talk
Bet Cee: :-)
whaleman11: i know you are a and that's ok   you are doing judt great
Bet Cee: thanks PETER!!!!!!!!!!!
whaleman11: :-)
Bet Cee: but if the firs time in a long time
Bet Cee: feel really taken care of

There was such promise at that point.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Not with a bang, but with a flush

                                                    
The overnight visitor.
So this is how it's going to end, with a flush instead of a bang. With rain in the forecast for all of next week, I guess I am going to call it a winter at the East Pole and head out. For all the folks welcoming spring, I feel sorry for you. March is the best part of winter and if all you do is sit around waiting for spring you miss one of the best months of the year.

At the Pole the snow is a good two feet deep and another foot fell over the past couple of days. Now the sun is out, it's about 60 degrees on the west-facing veranda (isn't that a classier word than porch or deck?). I spent most of the day getting the remaining firewood under the house and I have a couple of more days of that and then I will head out before the rains come. This hasn't been a great winter but at least I got the month of December and most of the month of March.

Had some interesting fun this week. A chickadee flew into the house and spent the night. I had tried to guide him out and he disappearred quietly and I thought he had gone, but in the morning fluttering around he actually banged into my hat. So I opened a window again and spread some seed on the sill and within a few minutes he flew out apparently none the worse for the experience.

I also learned about a luxury accessory on the snowmachine. All I have ever owned or driven are Ski Doo Tundras; I had the original model and now a 1995 Tundra II. They are popular among bush folk for one because they go on forever and two, they are light enough you can almost pick them up and throw them around when they get stuck.

But when it came time for my son to have one, a Tundra was not going to do the trick. Living in the snow capital of North America as we did, teenaged boys could care less about hot rods, but they knew all the hot snowmachine models and every kid had to have one. I bought my son a fairly modest one, another Skidoo, but a racier one with a 550 CC engine. Among other features, it has a reverse gear which didn't seem all that necessary to me. I inherited it when he went away to college but hadn't used it much. I paid quite a bit of money a couple of years ago to bring it up to useable so I thought I would try it out on this trip particularly because with its more powerful engine it would be better able to haul heavy firewood up the hill.

That part worked great and so did the surprise feature. Yesterday I had to go out for some supplies over a trail that had just received a dump of snow atop its icy surface. Twice I got stuck, once on an icy hill and once when I went off into deeper snow. Both times I was able to unhook the sled and pull it backward to a level spot and then put the snowmachine in reverse and back right out of my problem. I have a new respect for reverse gears and am loving this snowmachine. Do I have to mention the hand and thumb warmers? Of course if my son reads this, he's probably going to want it back. No deal!

Other than that it's been fairly mellow around here as winter fades under the sun, but I am not mentally ready for a garden yet.

Missing Alaska senator tells us what's what

Alaska's missing senator emerged from his basement office a day ago, to tell us what's good for us according to the Republican party line. The occasion was President Obama's nomination of a judge to fill the vacancy on the Supreme Court. Republican Senate leadership immediately said no vote would be allowed on confirmation and the missing senator fell right in step, parroting the leadership and adding the words "Alaska" and "Alaskans" a couple of times. In essence with a tone of condescension he told Alaskans what we should think We're not very good at that.

Here is his post from facebook: "President Obama today nominated Circuit Court Judge Merrick Garland to the U.S. Supreme Court. Under our Constitution, the President has the authority to nominate and the U.S. Senate has the authority to advise and consent. The decision to withhold advancement of Mr. Garland’s nomination isn’t about the individual, it’s about the principle. Alaskans, like all Americans, are in the midst of an important national election. The next Supreme Court justice could fundamentally change the direction of the Court for years to come. Alaskans deserve to have a voice in that direction through their vote, and we will ensure that they have one."

In it he says the obstruction is about the principle, the principle according to him being we wait for a new president that the people elect before we appoint a judge to the Court. Apparently that means we wait for a president he likes. Here's the deal, senator; the people of the United States elected Barack Obama overwhelmingly, he is president, and we want him to select justices to the Supreme Court, not the next guy, and especially not the next guy if he turns out be be an obstructionist like the senator himself.

History is on the president's side. Several justices have been aappointed and confirmed during election years and this one should be no different. In fact fully one-third of U.S. presidents have appointed justices during election years, including GOP sainted Ronald Reagon who appointed Anthony Kennedy to the Court in 1987. The idea that you are refusing to do your job in hopes the president we elected won't do his is typical of  the way you and your cohorts twist reality to force policies nobody wants onto Americans (and, yes, Alaskans), Americans who are quite happy with the president, given recent polls show the highest popularity rating during his entire presidency.

It's so obvious your objection has nothing to do with what's good for Americans or Alaskans; it's likely a vain attempt to stall in hopes one or your kind is elected president and can appoint a justice who would follow on the bench seat where Justice Scalia fought a 30-year battle against social progress before his death last month.

Well how is this for a scenario? First of all enough incumbent GOP seantors are dumped by voters who see this is the last straw in obstructionism, to ensure a Democrat majority in the Senate. Then Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders is elected president. And then the new president nominates outgoing President Barack Obama, a constitutional scholar, to the Supreme Court. Given his age and health, he should be able to sit on the court for the 30 years the missing senator sees as this appointee's tenure. We could live with that and the senator can shut up and go back to his basement office.

President selects Merrick Garland for Supreme Court (Isn't that a great name for a justice?)



Sunday, March 13, 2016

Take a deep breath, think before you judge

In the dark early morning hours Saturday as two mushers in the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race moved along the Yukon River trail heading for Nulato, someone driving a snowmachine took aim at them. He slammed into the first team injuring a dog and scaring the hell out of the driver. Then he pulled away and waited and when the second team came along he drove his machine into that outfit too, this time killing a dog and injuring at least one other. Then he roared off into the darkness leaving the second team also to limp into Nulato.
As the day dawned, reports were sketchy. Troopers had been called, injured dogs attended to, the mushers were unhurt, but no one as yet had reported how or why or who had perpetrated this attack.
As we waited for details the blame game started. You would have thought Fox news was covering the Iditarod. One online poster blamed the attack on the atmosphere of violence generated by presidential candidate Donald Trump in the way he and his followers dealt with protesters. Really.
Then an Internet wag started ranting about how the Iditarod is hated in the villages, how race rules had isolated villagers from the racers, how the race left trash in the villages and how local resources were used. Of course that boiled over into violence against the mushers.
Good grief. This is an isolated village on the Yukon River, hundreds of miles from anywhere. The race goes through every other year. How much hatred can you build up over three or four days every two years?
I waited. I had a suspcion but I wasn't going to put it out there. It's like saying a jury got it wrong based on television after not having heard one sentence of testimony. Jump to conclusions much?
In the long run I was right.  That doesn't matter. A suspect was arrested and according to reports admitted hitting the two teams with his snowmachine. He said he was blacked-out drunk and didn't remember anything, although you have to wonder how anyone would admit to doing something he says he couldn't remember anything about.
I spent a winter in Nome and while there, covered several trials. Almost every one of them involved alcohol and in almost every one the defendant claimed he was drunk. It was almost an acceptable defense: "He didn't mean it, he was drunk."
And that's what I thought at first, a drunk guy crashed into the teams, although having hit two apparently on purpose takes the possibility of an accident out of the picture.
As for the rush to judgment, the people of Nulato came out in full force to help the two mushers any way they could, with food, dog care and just welcoming arms. Not quite the picture of village hatred. And as for Trump's atmosphere of violence, no doubt it exists, however, its influence on a drunk driving a snowmachine in the dark on the Yukon River is doubtful.
We all need to wait for the facts before we rush to judgment.

Driver charged the whole story (ADN)

Below is a facebook post by my friend Joe May on how he was treated in Nulato the year he won the Iditarod:
I drove into Nulato in 1980 on a winning run to find my dog food had been lost or sent to the wrong place. When it was discovered I had no food locals scattered in all directions only to be back within minutes with little bags of kibble, dried salmon, and even bits of moose. Enough to get me to Kaltag. Probably stuff they could ill afford to give away. The compassion and empathy in their eyes is one of the lasting memories I have of the race. The rest of the people of Nulato must be devastated. Sad for Jeff and Aliy.

Nulato unites behind mushers

Saturday, March 12, 2016

There goes the neighborhood

It's oveer there somewhere.
This is going to get convoluted before it becomes clear. It begins in Missouri early in the 1800s. Daniel Boone lived there then close to the end of his days. He had moved west as he said every time he coud see the smoke from his neighbor's chimney.
Growing up, Daniel Boone was one of my heroes, along with Davy Crockett (the real one, not the Disney version). When others played Cowboys and Indians, I played Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett. I even had an argument with an eighth grade teacher who said the cowboys were the most romantic figures in American history.
  .                                                                      
Fast forward, now, to the 1980s, the decade I finally lived out my childhood fantasies and built a small cabin in the wilderness. I couldn't see any neighbor's smoke but I could hear them now and then. I'm pretty sure Davy and Daniel never had to deal wkith chainsaws. While I was building, a fellow who had lived in the area for 12 years came by now and then. We had some pleasant talks and remain friends, but in one of those talks I realized at least to him I was on the wrong end of Daniel Boone's curve. I was telling this fellow how since I was a kid I had wanted to do this but I noticed he was very quiet and then it hit me. Tentatively I said I am part of your problem, aren't I? He was too polite to do anything but nod and look away. Still in those years the woods generally left us our solitude unless we wanted out of it for a while.
Fast forward again, about 30 years to the day I came out here a couple of years ago and looked across the arroyo at a new cabin under construction. Worse than smoke, I could see the cabin. I felt violated, now like my friend somebody was part of my problem, but of course whoever was buidling over there had a dream too so I made my peace with it and ignored it as much as I could. I decided the neighborhood was probably still all right especially considering I and probably they only come out on weekends and chances were good we woudn't come out on the same weekends.
A feeder brought a more welcome neighbor.
Now, to get into the next part you have to understand I don't like bicycles. It goes back to teenage years after I had outgrown Daniel and Davy and had to ride one of those two miles into town, and hide it in an alley so I could hang out with my buddies, many of whom had cars. It carried through to Anchorage where people riding fat-tired bikes challenge pickup trucks the size of tanks for the right of way on slushy winter streets. And then they whine about it in letters to the edior. I just don't like bicycles. I wanted to shoot the first fat-tire bicycle rider I saw on our trail.
So now here goes the part about the neighborhood going to hell. The new cabin kind of blocks the trail I usually cut up to the small lake west of the cabin. So I set out to find a trail some friends of mine use that in the past cut across the far end of the lake. I thought I had found it and headed along it but ended up in somebody's back yard. No one home. I used their trail to go back down to the main one and in time came across the trail to the new neighbor's place. I hadn't heard anything and couldn't discern any tracks so I assumed no one was there. I went up it planning to go right on by and check out the lake.
But as I passed the house I saw something on the porch that sent a chill through me. BICYCLES! Fat-tired bicycles. OMG, someone was there and, gasp, they came in on bicycles. How am I supposed to brag about living in the Bush when you can get here on a bicycle. And I was stuck. At this point the polite thing to do was stop, say hello and intruduce myself rather than ride rudely with my loud machine through their yard. I couldn't see into the house and I didn't want to shout, so I shut off the machine, waved and waited to see if anyone came out.
A young couple came out shortly. dressed from head to toe in LL Bean and REI fashions. We exchanged introductions and pleasantries and I explained what I was doing in their yard and apologized, and that was that.
I headed off and made a tour of the lake, then bushwacked a trail back to my house only to sit on the porch in the sun contemplating the intrusions of bicyclists into my wilderness.Of course they are sitting over there shaking their heads at a crazy old fart who rides a noisy, stinky snowmachine.
In the long run I guess Bob Dylan had it right: "You can be in my dream if I can be in yours," if a bit grudgingly.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Five things I've learned in the past two days

All moved in ... again.
Back at the East Pole. One day of packing stuff in (two trips) and one day of setting up and now I live here. Despite all the learning moments and all the experience, there are lessons to be  had. Here are five things I learned in the past two days.  
1. You really have to maintain as much speed with your snowmachine as you dare when going up a steep hill that has icy patches on it, particularly when you are towing a heavy sled. Otherwise you get stuck halfway up, have to take the smaller sled you were hauling and lighter part of the load up to a more level spot, sometimes pushing the sled on your hands and knees, then turn the whole outfit around and go back down the hill to where it's level and then try again blasting up that hill at speeds that scare the hell out of you. It was the first time on this trail I thought I should be wearing a helmet.
2. How to make cold water when every bit of water in the house is near boiling and you just poured two cups of it into a pile of Jell-O powder. Otherwise you have to go through your options and then take one cup of that hot water outside and pack it with snow until it's cold and then finish the job.
3. You probably shouldn't freeze Cortisone 10. It comes out all yellow and kind of oily.
4. You shouldn't leave water in a plastic pitcher when there's a possibility it could freeze. Otherwise as the ice melts it will leak through the expansion cracks, run along the counter and soak the bottoms of a box of instant mashed potatoes and a box of Honey Nut Cheerios.
5. This is a good place to watch the entire Ally McBeal series becasue the music is so great and if I had access to iTunes, I would be online constantly buying music. Too bad I am about to start the fifth and last season. And, here's a new contest. I have another series here to watch. Nickel to whomever can guess which one. A hint: It's a little more like Alaska than Ally.
 I'll be here all month, stay tuned.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Iditarod Insiders subscriptions, a change of heart



Ever since the Iditarod Committee initiated the "Iditarod Insider" subscriptions where you pay money to access several varieties of information on the race website, it seemed to be a gratuitous effort to extract more money from loyal fans and even families of mushers who wanted to follow their kin. Of course a lot of that information is available elsewhere for free so you don't exactly have to subscribe to find out what's going on. Still if you want to follow the race this is the place for the most up-to-the-minute information. It still seemed like a rip off.

But today I was looking at tickets for a rock concert next summer and it hit me. The Iditarod is at a distinct disadvantage in the sports world. I mean even if they had the money it would be senseless to build a multi-billion-dollar stadium like the one the Dallas Cowboys have. How are you going to corral a thousand-mile race into an arena with luxury boxes and hot dog vendors? And if you don't have a venue, how can you sell tickets? And, after all tickets are the largest source of income for most popular sports.

For example if you want to watch a NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race in Avondale, Arizona, you can pay anywhere from $18 to $2,208. Or if you like sports with a ball, you can watch the Dallas Mavericks play the Cleveland Cavaliers for $18 to $675.

How much does a ticket to the Iditarod cost? Nothing. There is nothing to buy a ticket to and thus the biggest sporting event in Alaska can't sell a single ticket. Except to the web site. Now, the all-inclusive Insider subscription costs $33.95. You don't get to sit in a hard seat, you have to go make your own hot dog (which costs a lot less than those in an NFL stadium) but you get what amounts to a ringside seat to the Iditarod, not for three or four hours, but for something around two weeks. The alternative is chartering an airplane and flying along, and having done that twice myself, the web site looks mighty comfortable compared with that and a whole lot cheaper. So given major sports prices, a ticket to Alaska's biggest seems like a fair price.

Anyway the idea is instead of complaining about the money-grubbing Iditarod committee, maybe think of it as just buying a ticket to an event. Thirty three dollars doesn't sound so bad, now, does it?

Iditarod Insider subscription packages

Friday, March 4, 2016

OK this officially bothers me

NASA photo shows the Bering Strait choked with ice.


Alaska is a place where lots of adventurers like to challenge the elements and set off on outrageous expeditions, often underestimating the challenge. In the old days they just never came back. But now, in the days of GPS, SPOT locaters, satellite telephones and several agencies set up to rescue those people, the ones Darwin's theory might have separated from the herd, when they call for help, often requiring heroic efforts by rescuers, and make it back, only to try again if they haven't learned a lesson.

A perfect example occurred in the last couple of days. These two guys decided they would challenge the Bering Strait in late winter, attempting to trek from Wales on the Alaska mainland to Little Diomede, an island out in the middle somewhere. They had skis and kayaks to make their way across ice and open water, in the dynamic ocean environment of winter storms and shifting ice floes.

Thursday the Coast Guard had to fly two helicopters and an fixed wing aircraft all the way from Kodiak to pick them up. It turns out the ice was too thin to walk on and there was too much of it to kayak through it. Imagine that. So they activated their emergency locater beacons and waited for the cavalry.
NASA satellite image of Bering Strait without ice. Cape Dezhnev, Russia
is on the left, the two 
Diomede Islands are in the middle, and 

Cape Prince of Wales, Alaska is on the right.

The Coast Guard rescue crews stationed in Kodiak are loved in Alaska. Watch the movie "The Guardian" some time. They risk their lives constantly rescuing mariners in trouble along Alaska's coast which is longer than the coastline of the rest of the United States combined, literally from Ketchikan to Barrow and that's about to be extended all the way around to the Canadian border in the Arctic Ocean. Year after year we experience or at least read about these people who go out in the worst weather in their helicopters of all things and pull fishermen and sailors off their sinking vessels. That is their job and they consistently perform admirably.

What's wrong here is this time they had to rescue two guys from a misguided adventure as in "hey look at this map of the Bering Strait, I bet we could ski and kayak across it in winter; I bet nobody has ever done that." There's probably a real good reason nobody has done that, if in fact it has never been done.

So the end result is two Coast Guard helicopter crews plus others are sent in hazard to rescue these yokels from a whim of an adventure that didn't have to happen. It's not the first time and it won't be the last. And from the Guard's point of view, you can't really ignore them and leave them out there. You think of the families of the crews whose fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers face death in their helos just to pluck these people from their own mistakes. Besides the danger, imagine the cost to taxpayers of flying two helicopters and a fixed wing and their crews about 500 miles each way to extract adventurers from the Bering ice. In recent years some agencies have begun charging the people they rescue. It's the least these guys could do to pay for their foolishness. They are damned lucky to be alive to pay it.

A bit of an aside here. If you read this blog, you know I use a Spot locater. And while I know I could  use it if I ever got into trouble, the main reason I bought it was a couple times I was a day or two late getting back and some people almost reached the point of calling for a rescue or at least a check on me. My daily check-ins with the Spot prevent anyone from calling an unnecessary rescue on me. Now THAT would be an embarrassing situation.

So, the end result is the Coast Guard in Alaska has pulled off another rescue, two adventurers are all smiles as they ride in a helo from the middle of the Bering Strait to Nome and a warm flight home while the Guard flight crews head back to Kodiak, check and repair and restock their gear in order to be prepared for the next call, all in a day's work, in this case a day's work that didn't really have to happen.

Coast Guard rescues two men stranded in Bering Strait (Anchorage Dispatch News)
British explorers describe their rescue from the Bering Sea

Best headlines ever

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel

Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth. Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel