Friday, December 29, 2017

Chickadon'ts

     Often a naturalist or even at time a full-blown scientist will observe some critter's behavior
immediately apply it to every member of a species, as if there are no individuals. Not all animals or birds act like all other members of their species.
     Case in point: A few years ago I read something about chickadees in which the author said when around a feeder, one bird will dominate, chasing others off the feeder until he leaves and they can come get their share. The way he wrote it seemed to say all chickadees do this. Take a look at that picture. Four of them visible on the feeder at one time. I have seen that more often than not. For sure sometimes one bird will chase another off  but just as often more than one will be there at the same time.
     There may be another aspect of what seems to be dominant behavior, like when one bird flies in and another takes off. I have seen this in gulls around harbors. One gull stands atop a piling. A second gull approaches for a landing and the first gull takes off. Rather than dominant/submissive behavior, this is probably a simple function in physics. The gull flying in has the weight and momentum to knock the first gull off the piling, so the first gull takes off, knowing full well he can't withstand a collision on such tiny platform. I've seen chickadees and other birds for that matter do the same thing.
    On a step outdoors today I noticed the feeder was getting low. I had packed in 25 pounds of sunflower seeds for just that purpose. Later I went out and noticed there weren't any chickadees in sight so I figured it was a perfect time to take the feeder in and fill it, which I did.
     When I brought it back out there still wewe no birds in sight. I said out loud, "Here you go guys, meat." It's only five steps from the feeder to the door but before I got there a whole cloud of chickadees had descended from somewhere to the feeder. Chickadee telegraph?  

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Christmas Eve 2017

The Little Drummer Boy with the drums out front
Stars twinkling in a clear night sky, we pass by a crescent moon, gold, and low on the western horizon, sitting here thinking maybe northern lights later. Christmas Eve in the Alaska Bush. Prime roast thawing on the counter. Cookies down the hill where I had to leave them along with other supplies. So it goes. My favorite music playing, including a new version of Little Drummer Boy featuring the drums. A glass of chilled wine, thinking of past Christmases here like the year I had to line my trail with votive candles in brown paper bags to convince my young son it was a landing strip so Santa could find us. Mormons singng the First Noel now. About to make one of those Jello no-bake cheesecakes for dessert tomorrow. Peter, Paul and Mary followed by Trans Siberian Railway, O come let us adore him. Searching for a recipe for yorkshire pudding. Music fills the emptiness, peace in the deep woods. God bless us, every one. And then Peter Paul and Mary again, O come emmanuel. Stilll to come the Mormons and a marvelous soprano singing Oh Holy Night. I always cry. Time now to refill the glass in oh so many ways. And to all a good night.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

May the forest be with you



Do you wonder why I would start a blog post with a five-year old video of a flash mob? With good reason is all I can say.
You see, maybe nobody else has wondered or at least said anything but I have. It's about the lack of content for the past couple of months and it has been bothering me. If you have this terminal disease and all of a sudden your mind goes blank, you wonder, is this it? Is this the moment Hemingway came to before he picked up that shotgun? Is this the day you don't have another fresh idea left in you? Before you go through anger, bargaining, denial, depression,  acceptance, you look around a little to see if there might be another reason.
Well for most of the year, one reason has been flitting around in my simple brain. I've spoken with others about of it and an awful lot of people have this low-level feeling of what I could only call malaise. A slight depression that colors everything else we do. To my mind any thinking person must be feeling it at least a little. The problem that is coloring everything is the damage being done to our country by a criminal idiot in the White House and robber barons in Congress. Each day's news brings another outrage as the gang does everything it can to dismantle our republic.
For  me about the first thing I do every morning is cruise through the news sites on the Internet and they are so filled with what those criminals are doing it depresses and angers me and then that's how I go out to meet the day.
If I am not seeing what they have done, I am seeing what the people I agree with say about it all. At times I've been tempted to add my two cents but from this distance that seems like a tilt at a windmill. So much is said it's difficult to find some original insight to offer, so I don't write about it much.
Today a second effect of that came up when I saw that video open as a memory on my facebook page. I posted it four years ago and while I was sharing it today it hit me that I haven't seen one of those online in a long time. I loved those seemingly spontaneous flash mobs that were popular a few years ago. And as I thought about it I realized there is so much Trump stuff online there is little room on my news feed or in my mind for anything else. The thing consumes so much space  humor, music,
One of those late nights with wine, a credit card and the Internet. Neil DeGrasse
Tyson was hyping these t-shirts to benefit something I agreed with at the time. 
Fits the situation, don't 
you think?
creative thought, fun gets crowded out from the mind and from the Internet which has often suggested an excuse to write and therein may be the reason for so few posts in the past couple of months. And it not only consumes a big part of the consciousness, it also creates that mild depressions that also dim the creative light sometimes. So there you have it.
Well, I am all packed again, waiting for snow for my winter at the East Pole. My intention is when I get there to close off a lot of the political intrusion and with a little time perhaps my mind will open again and the muse will emerge from the political fog to inspire once more. If that doesn't work I will always have the "forest."

And for the fun of it in case anybody has missed them, one more flash mob, fit for the season:

Sunday, December 3, 2017

It's Maginot all over again

   
The Trumpeshere is picking spots along the West Coast to place missile sites as a defense against
a potential missile attack now that North Korea has demonstrated a missile capable of hitting           
Washington, D.C. Great plan except for one thing. The old saw that those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. Lining up defense along a single line has been tried before. It didn't work very well.
     Prior to World War II the French built a line of permanent immobile concrete artillery installations along their borders with Italy, Switzerland, Luxembourg and Germany to protect themselves in case Germany got ideas of world domination again. It was named for Andre Maginot, the French minister of war at the time. The plan left the way open along the Belgian border imagining a counter attack through Belgium into Germany if necessary. Much to the surprise of the French, as World War II developed, the Germans drove their tanks through Belgium around west end of the line and almost unopposed all the way to Paris. Unable to target the advancing German blitzkrieg, the fixed guns of the Maginot Line never fired a shot, they were useless. The rest is history. The rust along the Maginot line also is history.
     So, now it seems the U.S. wants to build a line of missile defense installations along the West Coast given that coast is closest to the potential invader, North Korea. But the world has changed since the 1930s and a single line of defense against a potential attacker doesn't really mean much. This plan came up along with the news that the North Koreans have successfully fired a rocket capable of hitting Washington, D.C. So by all means let's build a wall between us and them. Sound familiar?
    Well, here's a little problem I haven't seen anyone address yet. Who says they will fire the missile from west to east? Modern warfare doesn't have fronts any more. An attack can come from anywhere, so the thinking needs to be broader. We can only hope that's the case because …
   The distance from west to east from North Korea to the U.S. capital was listed as 6,800 miles but experts estimated the missile is capable of striking targets as far away as 8,000 miles. Now, I tried to figure the distance, say, firing one to the west from North Korea, over Russia, Europe and the Atlantic. I would suspect if the missile can cover 8,000 miles it can somehow be engineered to make the rest of the distance to reach the American East Coast. It's probably shorter to send one over the North Pole. So if we have this line of defense for missiles coming from the west can those missiles also intercept something coming from the north or the east or are we going to build a line that can be gone around from several directions?
Now, doesn't a bunch of missile sites in California still make us all feel safer?
     Maybe the Trumpeters ought to take another look at diplomacy. Please?
The Maginot Line
US moves to beef up West Coast Defenses

Here's a little song the Kingston Trio did in the early 60s. It's called the Ballad of John Foster Dulles (the secretary of state in the Eisenhower administration who was the United States' chief cold warrior.)



Saturday, November 11, 2017

Impeach or imprison?

 A request for signatures on a petition to impeach Trump came up tonight. Apparently whoever is doing it has two million signatures already. The problem is, no matter how many signatures they get, impeachment is unlikely in the current atmosphere. In order to impeach a president, a majority of the House of Representatives must vote for the charges proposed. If that happens, the president is then tried in the Senate where a two-thirds majority is needed to convict. As long as Republicans control Congress that seems like a pipe dream.
To my mind what seems better is a path through the criminal and if not that the civil courts. Robert Mueller's investigation could lead to that as his investigators get closer and closer to the president.
What I would like to see and what would be more possible is indictments coming out of the investigation leading to criminal charges to be tried in a state court. The Southern District of New York (which includes New York City) where the US Attorney there is already involved sounds like a good bet. Why a state court? Because a president cannot pardon anyone for conviction in state courts, only federal courts. One can hope that would lead to a conviction and prison time. At that point Congress could not get away with not impeaching.
Leaving it all in the political spectrum rather than the legal one makes room for all kinds of manipulation.
I am sure this is an oversimplification of the process, but to me it seems a more likely course to take if something needs to be done in the next year. The trick is not to be impatient. Mueller has been described as a methodical investigator and the time this is taking to me means he is being very careful and making sure everything it discovers and develops is solid evidence and it takes that to make a complicated case like this one stick.

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So it's fun to carry impeachment signs and demonstrate and feel like we are contributing, but the eventual outcome is going to be decided in the trenches of the legal system and let's hope it happens in time to prevent Trump and his gangsters from destroying the Republic.
#fakenews It's so easy anybody can do it

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Take it to the House

For lack of a coherent thought train these days, offering up some incoherent random thoughts about life and other matters.
What a treat to wake up and go through my morning Internet routine and not end up depressed and angry. Yesterday's elections (Nov. 7, 2017) seem to indicate the American electorate is regaining its intelligence. However in politics victories can be short-lived and major battles to rid the country of the Trump/GOP scourge remain. With that in mind, I am offering the following as a rallying cry for the coming year leading to the mid-term elections next November:

"TAKE IT TO THE HOUSE." Go!
I swear nuthatches must be the pickiest eaters in the bird world. I watched one today land on a hexagonal bird feeder then hop around to each of the six perches, picking and tossing away two or three seeds at each stop then flying off. I'm not sure she took a seed with her. At least she was feeding the grosbeaks who seem to prefer the ground.
From Introverts are Awesome facebook page
I have ended up once again, sitting here in November waiting for enough snow to move to the East Pole for the winter. I've seen posts saying moving is one of the five most stressful situations people face. No doubt but I had never applied that to the annual trek to the cabin. But sitting here waiting with everything but perishables purchased and packed, I go up and down, anxious to go, but dreading the actual first moving day. Then this meme came up on facebook today. A gentle comment on the favorite Alaska pastime, always getting ready. Amen brother.
A couple of days ago a fellow came by to check the well water (and sell me a $2,000 filtration system). Very friendly social sort, who never stopped talking.  My favorite kind of person, right? :=D. He asked several questions that to me seemed a little too personal and made me a little uncomfortable. I finally told him I had to get back to work just to get him out of here. Perhaps it was the question he asked that made me do that. He asked where I was from originally. I told him and then he asked what did I miss most about the place where I grew up. That question stopped me. I finally answered "nothing." He looked surprised. There's nothing you miss about where you're from?" I thought for a moment and said, "nope, I belong here." He gave up then. But later my response bothered me a little. Why wouldn't I miss something from the place where I lived for the first 25 years of my life? I thought through it and there was a submarine sandwich shop I liked and then when you think of my home country and sandwiches, roast beef on Kimmelweck rolls might count. But nothing else really comes to mind. It's not that there aren't memories of good times and bad, and people recalled with fondness, but I came to the conclusion that I'd rather be here than there and I can't think of anything I miss enough to want to go back. Have to wonder if this might be personality flaw.
We all have signs that winter is upon us. I became aware of a new one this year, something I just realized though it has happened almost every year of my life. You know winter is coming when you have to fight your way through at least three layers of clothing to whiz. It's a man thing. And that's all I have to say about it.
Now, speaking of waiting for winter this list crossed my mind. Kind of a reverse bucket list
Alaska things I've  done:
Drove the Alaska highway and on entering Alaska asked them to close the gate.
Built a cabin in the bush and lived in it
Lived on a boat
Faced down an approaching grizzly bear.
Fished commercially for king crab
Drove a dog team.
Drove a boat through the Inside Passage (several times)
Crossed the Gulf of Alaska in a huge storm in a 40-foot sailboat.
Sailed Alaska to Hawaii
Split cords of firewood.
Wrote books about Alaska. (5)
Twice made it through a whiteout in a small airplane
Operated a fishing charter boat
Experienced several 7+ earthquakes
Caught all five species of Alaska salmon. Aware there are a sixth and seventh species (not counting farmed) but not in Alaska.
Hit a moose with a car (twice, though the second one hit me)
Traveled  hundreds of miles on snowmachines.
Was in Nome twice for the finish of the Iditarod
Survived life in Anchorage
Fell through the ice on a snowmachine into the Talkeetna River
Served as editor of the Nome Nugget newspaper
Hit icebergs with a boat (well, burgey bits anyway)
Built three houses mostly by myself,  all three of them in winter.



But keep this in mind. No matter what you have done in Alaska, somebody has done it better, gone farther or higher or deeper, faster and under tougher conditions than you have.

OK now I thought this was titled Take it to the House, but it's not. The song with that title is a rap with lots of objectionable language. This is from the old Tim Allen Show Home Improvement, the band from K&B Construction. Burning down the house. Same message lol.

Thursday, October 26, 2017

100-foot waves, 80 mph gusts, just another fall day in Alaska

A male and female Pine grosbeak pick among the leavings for the bird feeder over their heads. During the heavier gusts the stood almost perfectly still, facing into the wind.

There are reports from the Bering Sea of waves 100 feet high as a huge storm pounds the western Alaska coast. Williwaws ahead the storm blast their way down this glacial valley and across the yard sending up billowing clouds of fallen leaves, sometimes swirling like dust devils or tiny tornadoes, splashes of yellow against a gray sky. Under the feeder half a dozen Pine grosbeaks battle the wind, while they continue picking through the skeletal garden for sunflower seeds the chickadees and nuthatches have thrown off the feeders. More huddle among the thick spruce branches, pressed tightly against the trunks on their leeward side. One broken spruce in the yard leans into another and will have to be taken out when the wind dies.

100-foot waves predicted for the Bering Sea

Friday, September 29, 2017

Blackbird fly

For lack of something of my own to say, the following goes a long way into what I am thinking these days.
He was visiting America. It is said that he was sitting, resting, when he heard a woman screaming. He looked up to see a black woman being surrounded by the police. The police had her handcuffed, and were beating her. He thought the woman had committed a terrible crime. He found out "the crime" she committed was to sit in a section reserved for whites.

Paul McCartney was shocked. There was no seg
regation in England. But, here in America, the land of freedom, this is how blacks were being treated. McCartney and the Beatles went back home to England, but he would remember what he saw, how he felt, the unfairness of it all.

He also remembered watching television and following the news in America, the race riots and what was happening in Little Rock, Arkansas, what was going on in the Civil Rights movement. He saw the picture of 15-year-old Elizabeth Eckford attempt to attend classes at Little Rock Central High School as an angry mob followed her, yelling, "Drag her over this tree! Let's take care of that n**ger!'" and “Lynch her! Lynch her!” “No n**ger b*tch is going to get in our school!”

McCartney couldn't believe this was happening in America. He thought of these women being mistreated, simply because of the color of her skin. He sat down and started writing.

Last year at a concert, he would meet two of the women who inspired him to write one of his most memorable songs, Thelma Mothershed Wair and Elizabeth Eckford, members of the Little Rock Nine (pictured here).

McCartney would tell the audience he was inspired by the courage of these women: "Way back in the Sixties, there was a lot of trouble going on over civil rights, particularly in Little Rock. We would notice this on the news back in England, so it's a really important place for us, because to me, this is where civil rights started. We would see what was going on and sympathize with the people going through those troubles, and it made me want to write a song that, if it ever got back to the people going through those troubles, it might just help them a little bit, and that's this next one."

He explained that when he started writing the song, he had in mind a black woman, but in England, "girls" were referred to as "birds." And, so the song started:

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting
for this moment to arise."

McCartney added that he and the Beatles cared passionately about the Civil Rights movement, "so this was really a song from me to a black woman, experiencing these problems in the States: ‘Let me encourage you to keep trying, to keep your faith, there is hope.’ "

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting
for this moment to be free."

~ Paul McCartney, born June 18, 1942




My own note: I don't know if it was before or after the song, but at some time it became a condition for anyone signing a contract to produce a Beatles concert had to agree there would be no segregated seating.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Influence, a double-edged sword


This came up as a conversation on facebook today. A peek into the past. Seems like half the influences in life are the ones you have to overcome rather than ones that help you along.
Originally published by The Adult Side of Tumbler

Tim Jones In both my junior and senior years I was told I could not join the creative writing class.


Jan Williams Simone Don't you wish you could go back in time and bring one of your books to class? Or articles? Or your blog? Or your newspaper work? Etc.


Tim Jones As far as I know I am the only one from that class who has had anything published, except for one fellow who may have published some music.


Lara Simone Bhasin The American public school system is not a monolith. It is quite diverse and will function better if it is allowed to stay that way, rather than being overly controlled by the federal government.


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Jan Williams Simone I agree but this is about BAD TEACHERS. Not sure what the solution is...


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Lara Simone Bhasin Okay well I was responding to the last line of the post


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Tim Jones My complaint is more with guidance counselors. I showed something I had written to the teacher of that creative writing class and he said I should be in there. No one ever did anything about it, though.


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Jan Williams Simone You saw what I wrote about my brother after he skipped a grade? That was a problem with the teacher. The only solution I can think of is for parents to intervene on their kids' behalf.


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Tim Jones The problem there was bigger than one writing class and neither I nor my parents realized what was wrong until almost graduation. I had changed schools between freshman and sophomore years and never got very high grades. As a result I was put into a put into a program one level short of vocational. Late in my senior year when the national test scores started coming in, the guidance counselor called me into his office and essentially blamed me for not telling him I was intelligent.




Tim Jones Part of the problem in the 50s was when the Russians put up Sputnik it scared the hell out of people and all the emphasis was put on science and math for a few years.
Jan Williams Simone Just because science and math were being emphasized doesn't explain why YOU could not be in creative writing. Seems like pure incompetence to me.


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Tim Jones Overall the humanities were discouraged


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Jan Williams Simone That reversed when I was in high school. In fact, I was in my high school's first humanities class, which was for only a select group of us, chosen by the teaching team (English and social studies).


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Tim Jones That was the era of the only student revolution in American history and you had them scared lol.


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Jan Williams Simone The previous class fought for it but they didn't get to participate. Other people always did the fighting for me, LOL. Including my brother....


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Tim Jones I can only hope his experience with me taught that guidance counselor a lesson and took more time with other kids who came along.


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Jan Williams Simone That is a sad story.


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Tim Jones Well, you can't let the past rule your life and I am sure I'm not the only one who faced discouragement for seeking an artistic life. I was able to overcome it for the most part.


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This whole exchange may seem a little self-serving, like oh poor me, but I guess all experience leads you where you eventually arrive or at least pass through. I can't blame my lack of production on this for sure, except in this sense. This kind of negative influence from several directions, including the school, my family and almost everyone else in my life, was discouraging enough that I did not commit to writing until several years after moving from school out into the world, losing what for many writers are the most productive years, if not for actual publications, for learning the craft and, too, experiencing what you want to write about. I finally got to the experiencing and eventually writing but I always thought I came to it late. So it goes.

More about the writing life
The writing life 2

Best headlines ever

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel

Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth. Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel