Sunday, June 23, 2019

Stock car Saturday night

The Classics approach the starting line.
A hot summer night, just one day past the solstice still with more than 19 hours of daylight, what better is there to do than go to the neighborhood stock car races. I haven't been over there since my first time a couple of summers ago but every Saturday night when the stock cars wind up and Sunday
Uh oh, spinout

afternoon when a couple of loud top fuel dragsters blast down the quarter mile, irritating the neighbors, it is music to my ears and something of a siren's song. It had been too long.
As a young man my friends and I spent most of our summer Saturday nights at Holland International Speedway. Holland, New York, not the Netherlands. And, international because most weekends one guy brought a car down from his home in Canada. The first race I saw this night was for what are called moderns. I couldn't recognize any of the cars and as I sat in the stands I realized the "moderns" featured in those long-ago races I watched were 1965 Chevys.
I arrived late but still saw several races. In one the driver of a beautiful light blue model ran a beauty
Baby Grands approach the starting line. Note the light
blue car, the eventual winner driven by Tonya Klayum.
of a race among what are called Baby Grands, for a time during the race this driver  went wheel to wheel with a competitor for about five laps before eventually pulling ahead and then maneuvering to get a lapped car between them as the cars roared to the finish line. At that point the loudspeaker blared the name of the winner — Tonya something. No wonder most of the women in the stands cheered that particular driver.


















Lance Mackey operates his milkshake maker. Be sure to turn up the sound.
Having trouble with this video? try this link

Over the evening I let the roar of the engines, the colorful race cars, the trip through the pits and, yes, the snowcapped mountain, in the background transport me into an atmosphere that opened up in the 1960s and never really went away. Even the smoky haze from wildfires on the Kenai Peninsula 200 miles away couldn't spoil the experience. The only thing missing was the dirt. This track is paved. Nevertheless I am going to have to go over there more often.

Dirt Track Saturday night 
#alaskaracewaypark Web Site
Tonya Klayum

A comment on facebook from a friend who had been there too:
 Peter Leitzke Holland was a fun raceway to watch. One third of a mile dirt with 18 foot high banked turns. New comers would sit in the front seats closest to first turn , , , until the first lap of the first race bombarded them with clumps of wet clay. First lap of one race, a car bad wrecked on front straight at starting line blocking the track so the race couldn't resume. Before the wrecker could tow it away, his crew took their truck out there and they welded him back together and he restarted with the rest of the field. Top treat was hot fresh made French fries with vinegar and salt.

Saturday, June 15, 2019

The last screwdriver

     All right, let's start this one with a rhetorical question. If you are setting up a new tool box, what's the first tool you buy? People will have different responses but I bet everyone's top five includes screwdrivers. I mean doing any kind of manual work how long can you go without a screwdriver?
     Given that, I am 77 years old. How many tools have I bought and how many tool kits have I built in my lifetime?
    It's easier to list what I have now. Just here at the house I have a sizable collection of mechanics'  tools and another large box stocked with carpenters' tools. Along with those I have a well-supplied tool bag I carry on the snowmachine and on the four-wheeler. There's also another bag filled with just tools and some supplies for electrical work and another for plumbing. Out at the East Pole I have another box of carpenter tools and another small one of mechanics' tools (small because any time I am there I always have that bag I carry on the machines), all that plus a kitchen junk drawer filled with the kinds of tools you use on a fairly regular basis inside the house.
     So yesterday I was changing the chain on a chainsaw. Now, when you buy a chainsaw it usually comes with a multi-tool — spark plug wrench with two sizes that also serves and a handle one one end and a flathead screwdriver on the other. Once I had the chain on the bar and the bar settled on the head, there's a screw you turn to adjust the tension of the chain on the bar. On this particular machine the screw is tucked tightly between the bar and the engine housing which makes using the multi-tool difficult because of that handle that makes up the spark plug wrenches. So I went looking for a screwdriver, a plain, regular-size flathead screwdriver, one of the first things you buy when you are setting up a tool box.
     You know what? I couldn't find one. Not in my mechanics' box, not in my carpenters' box, not in the bag I carry on the machines, and not lying around the house anywhere. I have huge ones; I have tiny ones for working on my glasses; I have a ton of Phillips screwdrivers; I have torx screwdrivers; I even have Roberts screwdrivers; but is there one normal flathead screwdriver in this house.? Nope.
     So, with little else to do I headed for Lowe's. determined to buy as many as a dozen of them and place them in strategic places around my life. You know the drill: You buy half a dozen of something and within two weeks you lose or break five of them and that sixth one lasts you a year or more. With great anticipation I located a wall display of screwdrivers and wound my way past the maze of shelves until I stood in front of it. At first I gave it a cursory look noting a number of empty spaces.
On second scan I looked more closely.
     Now here is something you need to know before we go any further. I am a tool snob. I buy the expensive reliable brands rather than the cheap ones. As testament to that I own several tools I bought as a teenager including a quarter-inch socket wrench set my girlfriend gave me on my 21st birthday. Maybe I should drop my prejudices when it comes to things like screwdrivers that disappear so easily.
     When my casual scan failed to locate what I was looking for, and I finally looked closely, I found exactly two, count them, two, regular flathead screwdrivers of a brand I favor. Two. Apparently I am not the only one whose screwdrivers disappear like half a pair of socks. Quite disappointed, I looked around suspiciously for any competitors for them and then grabbed the last two screwdrivers, threw them in this huge shopping basket I was carrying and headed for the checkout, quite disappointed not to have a dozen of them. Overall I had driven round trip 50 miles to buy two screwdrivers, one of which will probably disappear in the next couple of weeks.
    On the way I thought of a permanent fix. I usually make strict lists for food shopping. I never include milk because I go through it so quickly,  so any time I am in that store, I buy a gallon of milk along with whatever else is on my list. You'd think I would over-buy, but I have never had any milk spoil. So-o-o-o-o-o screwdrivers won't be on my lists for the hardware store. I will simply buy one every time I go there. Fait accompli!

Life in Alaska
Even more Alaska life

Monday, June 3, 2019

I have a plan

A billboard in Louisville tells it all

With all the confusion and nonsense going on in American politics, it's difficult to figure out what is going on and who might be winning and wondering how rational people are going to sort it all out. Then in a moment of lucidity, I thought of the old adage to plan for the worst and hope for the best, and I think I have a plan for working through the present stalemate. First, consider the effects of an impeachment.
As much as I would like to see the #fakepresident run out of office, if we rush into an impeachment now, we can expect it to win in the House but that's only the charge, like an indictment. The actual trial takes place in the Senate where Mitch McConnell could probably stop it cold. If that happens, Trump gets to ride into the election on a wave of victory and claim a national mandate to continue to destroy the country and be free of any further charges until he leaves office and he faces some criminal charges that evidently can't be brought against a sitting president.
    So, while these debates rage, subpoenas fly and tweets clutter the net, let's let the slate of Democrat candidates sort themselves out while we concentrate on the congressional races so that if he is re-elected in that scenario, his second term begins with Democrat majorities in both houses which could stalemate him.
   For now, we should continue with the investigations under way and keep his simple mind occupied while holding off with impeachment until, say, next May to July. Given the speed at which Congress acts that could carry the impeachment process right through Election Day and keep Trump preoccupied during the campaign, shouting "witch hunt" until his head explodes, and, we can hope, sabotage his own race.
    Even if he should somehow win, if we can gain control of the Senate along with the House, let the impeachment process continue, then, with a chance of sending him packing. The fallback from that is even if impeachment should fail, he still has to deal with a total Congressional majority lined up against him.
The end game of both, is Trump neutralized and even if the country has to slow down for four more years perhaps the #fakepresident can be prevented from doing any more harm and the repairs can begin before the 2024 election.
In the meantime start enforcing those subpoenas from the ongoing investigations in the House. Put a couple of those sanctimonious jerks behind bars and watch the rest of them crumble when they realize if they continue fronting for Trump they will face serious prison time. Nixon finally gave up when Republicans began deserting him, many fearing implication. Given the moral fortitude displayed by so many GOP legislators it shouldn't take long for the rats to begin deserting the sinking ship.
Below are the Senate races next year. We only need three turnovers (more if we want an impeachment conviction or a veto-proof majority), but McConnell is the key, turn him out and we stop a lot of the obstruction going on now and again bring on enough senators to find the #fakepresident guilty in an impeachment trial. I would also like to offer Alaska's do-nothing Trump-worshiping Senator Dan Sullivan as a sacrificial lamb. Besides being an in-line Trumpster, he is in cahoots with Alaska's new governor who has shown all the marks of being a Trump Jr. He has spent most of his term under the desk in his basement office anyway. The only times he shows up around here are when he can attach his name to a noncontroversial issue linked to Alaska. (Example. He is a strong supporter of the Alaska fishing industry except in the case of a proposed mine that would threaten the largest red salmon fishery in the world.)
 If none of these works I know of three Alaskans willing to surround the White House and maintain the siege until the #fakepresident leaves.


Republicans
Lamar Alexander (R-Tennessee)
Shelley Moore Capito (R-West Virginia)
Bill Cassidy (R-Louisiana)
Susan Collins (R-Maine)
John Cornyn (R-Texas)
Tom Cotton (R-Arkansas)
Steve Daines (R-Montana)
Mike Enzi (R-Wyoming)
Joni Ernst (R-Iowa)
Cory Gardner (R-Colorado)
Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina)
Cindy Hyde-Smith (R-Mississippi) 
Jon Kyl (R-Arizona) May not run
Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky)
David Perdue (R-GA)
Jim Risch (R-Idaho)
Pat Roberts (R-Kansas)
Mike Rounds (R-South Dakota)
Ben Sasse (R-Nebraska)
Dan Sullivan (R-Alaska)
Thom Tillis (R-North Carolina)
Democrats
Cory Booker (D-New Jersey)
Chris Coons (D-Delaware)
Dick Durbin (D-Illinois)
Doug Jones (D-Alabama)
Ed Markey (D-Massachusetts)
Jeff Merkley (D-Oregon)
Gary Peters (D-Michigan)
Jack Reed (D-Rhode Island)
Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH)
Tina Smith (D-Minnesota
Tom Udall (D-New Mexico)
Mark Warner (D-Virginia)



Best headlines ever

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel

Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth. Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel