Sunday, August 23, 2009

Fish are jumpin’ and the fireweed’s high


Back to nature. Maybe it was the long, hot summer, but the drive for firewood has been at a low ebb this year. A year ago there was new snow on the mountain in early July. This year by the third week in August, no snow yet. I do have more than a winter's worth in the yard so that could have lessened the drive as well. But, it is coming, there is an August nip in the night air. A couple of swans showed up on the pond a week ago, but they are probably the nesting pair that hangs out in the sloughs and muskeg ponds farther back off the road, not resting on the migration. (Right. Still no one.) The water remains covered with many more bronzing lily pads than in the past few years. A few leaves have yellowed but nothing like full-blown autumn. Fireweed has gone to seed and people say it is the tallest they have ever seen.
There is a new solitary man. I have not seen the original in more than a year. That is probably more due to a change in my schedule than anything that might have happened to him. I just don’t drive through his part of the country at the times I used to see him in years past. This year a fellow, (at least I think he is a man) has taken up residence along the narrow road to the house. He lives in a decrepit old brindle brown van with a stovepipe. Most often there is smoke coming from the pipe. He first showed up in a narrow pullout near the river bridge but later moved to a more open space not far from the salmon fishing area. The highway people had gone along and cut back brush from the road and he found an open, level place to park. For a while he had a tent up but that disappeared. He has what looks like an old bicycle mounted on the front of the van and I have seen it off a time or two. I have only seen him once or twice, once sitting in the driver’s seat watching traffic, but masked so much by the windshield his features were indiscernible. Yesterday he was walking toward the van with an armload of what was probably firewood but he wore a headnet against insects so again his face was masked.
There are differences among solitary men and a glaring one between these two. Where the first fellow lived in the woods out of sight of other people, this one lives right out in the open, visible to anyone who drives the road. Some want to be seen, for whatever purpose and others prefer their privacy. It is as if one wants to be found and one doesn’t and we can only guess at the reasons for either. In my own solitude, though I have been quite comfortable, I think I fall among those who want to be found. I can understand putting on the front of self sufficiency, solitude and privacy, yet maintaining that little spark of a thought that someone out there you really want to, will find you. Grace or Fiona would be good. It is, of course, false hope nurtured by ongoing fantasy and the moments you realize that can be pretty depressing. But, a new day most often brings a new hope and you go on with your life secure with yourself and content with existence, though aware of that question and finding ways at least in your imagination of answering it. And doesn't the sight of those symbolic swans fuel that flight of fantasy?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Finally beat a video game



This may take a while to explain. I promised sometime ago that explaining a Honda would come. Well, thanks for waiting, here it is. About a year or so ago when the price of gasoline went above a four dollars a gallon, I got this idea. You see, I have this 80-mile commute five days a week and that gets pretty expensive at $4.35 a gallon even in my Vue that got up to 27 mpg. So, I thought i need a good commuter car but i also need something tough for banging around Alaska, towing trailers and handling heavy snow. There are no compromise vehicles for this sort of thing, although the Vue handled the trailer just fine, even with three snowmachines on it and all our gear. So, why not buy two. Get a good high-mileage car for the commute and a used pickup or Jeep or something for the fun stuff. Shortly after that a Toyota dealer here came up with a deal where you could lease a pickup and a high mileage car for about $550 a month, so i wasn't that far off base. It kind of confirmed for me i was on the right track. But I sat on that idea for about a year and then one day I had some time in Anchorage and was passing the Honda dealer. Honda had risen in my estimation after a conversation with a friend. We wondered, given that we loved our Honda four-wheelers (mine is 15 years old and going strong), their generators, snowblowers, pumps -- everything they make is strong and reliable and lasts, even though it is often a little more expensive. And my friend chimed in with just about all the cars at Indianapolis are Honda powered. So, why don't we ever think of their cars? All that came to mind was a '72 rusted out Civic. Well, with these parallel thoughts festering in my mind, like i said, there was the free time and a Honda dealer right there. I wandered in just to look and before I left I had bought a 2010 Honda Insight hybrid and a 98 Jeep Wrangler. Ever try to drive two cars home from a dealer? It can happen.

Now, the technology on this hybrid is amazing. And there are so many gauges and readouts to look at I almost drove off the road a couple of times. I still haven't figured out the radio although i did get it play a Zip drive from the USB port. While you are driving it tells you your immediate mileage and your average over the course of your trip. It does a lot of other things too, but i have been boring people with too much information lately so I will forego that part. However included in all those readouts is a video game. As you drive, the car scores the efficiency of your driving. It measures things like speeding up too fast, slowing down too fast, steady driving, use of the air conditioning, all kinds of things that affect your efficiency. The digital speedometer is backlighted -- green if you are doing well, blue-green if you are stretching it and bright blue if you are very inefficient like when you speed up to pass. In the readout you are scored by the number of plants and leaves and flowers you accumulate. In the first level there are five plants each with two leaves. In the second the plants can score four leaves and in the third it is four leaves and a flower. When you finish each level, the display shows a kind of medallion trophy. Tonight when i got home and looked at my score --- I HAD BEATEN THE FINAL THIRD LEVEL. The medallion in the picture is my trophy and the other picture is the score displayed ... all the bottom bars filled and all four leaves and a flower on each plant. This is a milestone. At the tender age of 67 I have finally beaten a video game. And, in the process, I have passed gas stations 497 times as i rack up 50 mpg or more every day on my commute. PLUS: The Jeep is sooooooo much fun. Yet to be seen is how this little car handles winter cold and snow.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Warning: Alaska may be hazardous to your health

There is an article in this morning's paper about the brother of a Minnesota doctor who fell on Mount Marathon and died this summer. The brother thinks there should have been a warning sign showing the safe way to go down. There are 33 comments on the story and while several writers expressed sympathies for the brother and family, not one agreed with the idea of a warning sign. A little history: this mountain which is in Seward is the site of a race every July 4 in which hundreds of people run up and down that mountain without a death in all the years it has been run (OK, so, one other person in the last 25 years).

So, my first impression was, right, put a sign everywhere there is significant danger in Alaska. There isn't enough stimulus money in the whole country to accomplish that, let alone thinking what the countryside would look like. The commenters on the story had some good suggestions: Put signs up but only in the Seattle, Anchorage and Fairbanks airports reading something like: "Warning! Alaska can be dangerous. Proceed at your own risk" Many warned that when you head out into the woods here, there are dangers and the person should know what they are and how to deal with them. One guy suggested a sign that read something like the safest way down is follow your tracks from the way up, duh.

 All of it reminded me of the time the homeowners association that kind of handles the area around the East Pole (yes officially it is a subdivision) had a meeting and one woman wanted telephones put on trees at intervals along the trail so someone in trouble could call for help. Unfortunately some of the people even took her seriously. Fortunately there are no phones on trees along the trail. However we got cell phone coverage since then so now everyone can call for help when their fourwheelers get flat tires. Hey, lady, the whole idea is to be as self-sufficient as possible. Take care of yourself. And that is the way Outsiders and insiders for that matter need to be. You go into Alaska at your own risk. You are expected to be prepared and savvy enough (we call it skookum) to know the dangers and do all you can to minimize them. And then you have to be prepared to handle what comes. And no more families whining about warnings. We have very little sympathy for that.

Addendum: I had a grand idea. Why not bundle all the doo dahs up in bubble wrap as soon as they enter Alaska. I bet they would even float, not to mention bounce off anything they happened to fall onto. With all that bad-tasting plastic a bear might even spit them out.

Warning signs

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Statesman


I have been trying to imagine myself today, in someone else’s shoes. Can you imagine this? You are captured in North Korea with its reputation for being one of the most controlled totalitarian countries in the world. You go through the fear, anticipation and utter hopelessness of being sentenced to a criminal work camp for 12 years -- 12 years. While you are in a holding area eating rice with rocks in it once a day, suddenly you are dragged away... driven somewhere you have no idea where and no idea what is going on. You are pushed into a room and standing there is former President Bill Clinton. I doubt there is a word worthy of what those two women must have felt. Elated comes to mind but doesn’t quite do it. Euphoric? Maybe some doubt. Is this really him, or is this some nasty North Korean trick. But mostly, you would just know it is over. Instead of looking at 12 years in a labor camp you probably wouldn’t survive, you are going to go home with one of the most famous men in the world. The emotions must have been overwhelming.

And what an accomplishment for him. The man has followed Jimmy Carter along a trail to a status seldom bestowed on anyone anymore -- that of statesman. It first blossomed in the aftermath of the tsunami that devastated the islands of southeast Asia. Sent by then President W. with W.’s father, the two led the American effort there and then went on to lead a worldwide fundraising campaign for impoverished people everywhere. There is some substance to the idea Clinton even was part of the persuasion that led Bill Gates and Warren Buffett to dedicate a huge part of their fortunes to philanthropy. (The Museum of the North at the University of Alaska Fairbanks lists the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation as its largest contributor,)

But back to Clinton, not only did he pull this off, he did it at no cost to the U.S. government. One of his biggest campaign contributors volunteered his own airplane and paid for the fuel for the flight to North Korea and back. (They refueled in Anchorage on the way over. --- we always love our Alaska angles).

I am not often or easily impressed, but I am impressed today. What an accomplishment. What an example to look up to. And just think how those two women felt when they walked into that room.

And, oh yeah, Justin got his truck.

Best headlines ever

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel

Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth. Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel