Monday, November 30, 2015

Going over the river and through the woods


Back sometime in the new year.

If you don't get the hint, here's another one: Wait, did I dream I lived in a gingerbread house? 

And then here's my most recent favorite Christmas Song


So this is terrorism

Without giving it any thought at all I found myself giving in to terrorism today. It happened simply enough and was there before I could put up a defense. Here's how it came about.

I had to journey to the city a place where I find little comfort anyway. I found myself hungry and with an hour to kill so I went to a MacDonald's. They have one thing on the menu that I think is OK with my low-cholesterol diet. With my grilled chicken sandwich on a tray I looked over the available tables. I chose one close to the door which has always been what I've favored for what reason, I have no idea.

It was when I sat down that I realized terrorism was now having its effect on me. My thought was I am the first person someone coming in the door would see. Therefore it would make me the first target if someone came through the doorway shooting. I have never in my life had that thought before. But I realized now it is a very real consideration, given that the most terrorism in this country is some wacknut christian white guy with an AR-15.

I moved. Yes, I did. I succumbed to the terrorists and moved farther back into the restaurant, to a corner with my back to two walls. Mind you, I wasn't terrorized, I wasn't quaking in fear, but I was considering it and reacting to it and I realize now terrorism is a part of my psyche, ingrained.

I doubt I will ever go into a crowd any time again without checking the escape routes, the shelters, the defensible places and it is not because of ISIS or al Quaida or a Syrian refugee or even a Muslim of some kind. I don't feel much threat from them. But when you consider  it, most of the terrorist type attacks in this country come from white guys with some sort of religious justification or are just plain alienated from society. And the problem with those guys is they don’t' plan, there is no sneaky electronic messaging that can be intercepted, no large group from which squealers could be recruited. There's just no logic.

And now they have accomplished what the major terrorism organizations in the world could not. They have me analyzing my surroundings for where threats could emerge and acting accordingly. Isn't that's what the terrorists want? Fear embedded in the mind. White christians accomplished that when all those other guys couldn't. Welcome to my new world. And, as I said to one friend I told about this, I apologize for bringing you into it with me.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Hey CBS, we tuned in to watch a parade

Some days you just want to scream at the television. Flipping back and forth between the football game and the Thanksgiving Day parade and the parade broadcast is the next thing to ludicrous.

Whatever prompted the network to think the parade was only a minor irritation to pay lip service to in between unrelated, entertainment features that only serve to irritate the audience.

We didn't tune in to see a two-segment interview with George Takei, nice man that he is. We didn't tune in to see a segment of a Broadway show even though Frankie Valle was big in our youth.

And we certainly didn't tune in to see some woman first tell us the last thing anybody wants to do on a holiday is prepare a meal and then go ahead and tell us how to make a meal. I mean after all, who in this day and age can't cook a turkey? And if you are broadcasting after noon on Thanksgiving Day you are too late anyway. There are those plus the fact that for many people preparing the meal is the high point of the day.


And for many people viewing the traditional Thanksgiving Day parade is a high point as well. So, show the damn parade already; that's what people turned on the TV to watch and tell those two talking heads to shut up while you are at it.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

The hell with Godot, waiting for snow in Alaska is worse

I am getting damned tired of scenes like this every winter.

So weather has me putting off my trip to the East Pole. Seems like a great day for random whining about life in general: gray, rainy, trapped.

First of all, raining and 40 degrees IN ALASKA, in NOVEMBER … later at 9:33 to be exact, the temperature hit 50 degrees and I had to check a GPS receiver to make sure I am where I think I am …

Then there's this headline: "APD Conducting Black Friday Traffic Enforcement" So as I understand it the Anchorage Police Department is going after black friday shoppers in their own form of black friday shopping. Hope they don't run into long lines.

The Anchorage D News has posted a story about where to go for a free Thanksgiving meal. You have to wonder how many people who would benefit from a free meal have access to a computer and the Internet. Why not print a bunch of posters and put them on walls and poles around town?

And, yes, I did not capitalize "black friday" on purpose. I realize I am quite alone in this but I absolutely detest the term. First of all, naming a day that is supposed to be associated with happiness of the season "black" seems antithetical. Secondly with the complaints about commercializing Christmas (that battle is lost) we anticipate a grand holiday dedicated totally to shopping, spending money, saving money by spending more money.  And get this, Monday there will be reports about how much was spent and how it will affect retailers going forward. Merry Chri$tma$.

Gwyneth Paltrow has a toothpaste squeezer that cost $244 …

SeaWorld defends keeping killer whales in captive swimming pools by stating they released two rescued sea lions to the wild. I am sure the wild killer whales appreciate that…

Bernie Sanders had this to say on Twitter: Why are we told that it's OK to bring in lettuce and tomatoes from unregulated farms but we cannot bring brand-name drugs across the border?

People are reporting more and more starlings in Anchorage …

Here's a comment from my friend Joe May who lives not too far from the East Pole: Got two falls of a foot each, a day apart. Blew up the old snow blower on the first one. Got to Wasilla for a replacement between falls. Now gone to 40 deg and I've got yogurt in the driveway. Ahhh, but the struggle continues – wouldn't have it any other way – the alternative is playing shuffleboard with old farts in Florida and that isn’t my game.

Facebook thinks I might know someone named CarolLaura CrispQuintana …

Another baffling headline from today: U.S. sanctions businessman helping Syrian government buy oil from Islamic State. Can anyone tell me Milo Minderbinder isn't alive and thriving?  (You'll have to ask.)

An introvert's worst nightmare: When your plans to be alone in the woods for Thanksgiving are destroyed by weather and now you have to explain again why you aren't going to accept any of the invitations you already turned down. ("I'd really love to but I have this turkey that's thawed now, so …")

Just learned the full moon in November is called the mourning moon. Amen …

In the past week or so, I have unfriended two people because of their posts hating on President Obama …

I burned up my mixer earlier in the week so I had to improvise
to make my punkin pie! Hammer drill setting nor required. My
nephew posted this on facebook today. I've  done this too.
People found a newborn baby in the Nativity scene outside a New York City church…

What do I do now department: A California policeman pulled over Google's self-driving car for going too slow.…

With a death this week there are only three northern white rhinos left in the world …

Avalanche warnings are out all over the place and there have been a few. A skier missing in Hatcher Pass …

For the first time a privately funded ship will launch from Cape Canaveral with a load of cargo for the International Space Station next year …

I saw The" Hunger Games, Mockingjay 2" the other day. Wrapped up the series nicely and didn't stray far from the book … 

Still no answer back from CarolLaura … and we have two mutual friends …

It's very frustrating that there is lots of snow and a huge storm north of here, unfortunately too far north. I'm pointing at you Fairbanks …

A Food Network survey lists the best breakfasts in each of the 50 states: In Alaska? Gwennie's reindeer sausage omelets. I have had the omelets there but not the reindeer and they are awesome. But, the best breakfast in Alaska used to be served in a place called Hogg Brothers Cafe which closed several years ago. They served something called a royale which included what might have been eggs Benedict but with asparagus involved. Now that I am on a low-cholesterol diet I am kind of glad I can't be tempted by one of those any more.  No. kids, not THOSE reindeer.

Oh, yeah thankful for the new lens too.
There is a guy whose real name is now Santa Claus on the city council in North Pole, Alaska…

CNN put up a poll of the greatest love quotes, mostly from movies. I liked this one: "Life is messy. Love is messier." From something  called "Catch and Release"…

That's probably enough but for this:" Thankful I am not going to die trying to get to the East Pole. Thankful for family and friends. For a place to live in relative comfort. And that in spite of and because of the weather I live in the most beautiful place on earth. And  I bet I might be the only one ever to say this: thankful for the Internet. Without it I'd just be another grumpy old man living alone and complaining about it. Oh. wait …

So, let's end on a positive note, or notes as they may be:

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Look at this picture and then ask yourself WWJD

This is how angry the sniveling cowards who want to refuse refugees sanctuary,  just in case one or two terrorists sneak in among the thousands of people fleeing the violence in their homelands,  have made me – angry enough to use this image.

Persecuted, tortured and murdered, those who survive make their way all the way to Europe and across it seeking only a secure place where their children are safe.

And in America people who yesterday wanted to infuse more Christianity into government, today politicize the mass of victims of the violence and want to prevent them from entering our country.  Thirty-five Christian governors chose to exclude refugees from their states, though it's questionable whether they have the authority to do that under federal law.

All that is what is making me so angry I would post this picture, take advantage of a tragedy to make a point. But the image in the picture IS the point.

It is a boy, 3 years old, who in an attempt to flee with his family ended up dead on a Mediterranean  beach. He is the symbol of the outrageous situation in his homeland and now I would like to sear this image into the minds of every single bible-thumping, gun-wielding American patriot who would turn this child away if he came knocking at the door, sear it into the minds of those people who will defend a fetus more than they will defend a living child. The people who want to ignore them should keep in mind the other searing images of the strife in Syria, the videos of beheadings, the lines of criminals shooting into mass graves, the real terror people are trying to escape.

This is what happens when the refugees from those atrocities are turned away, these 3-year-old potential terrorists, and this is what is fast becoming America's national embarrassment.

Live with this image for this is your guilt and your legacy, all you great American Christians. Condemn hundreds of thousands of people to this kind of result because truthfully you have reacted exactly as the ISIS criminals want you to, acting in fear, yes, acting in terror, the very product for which terrorism is named. You have reacted in terror and turned on your fellow man, who now needs your help. And you don't seem to understand that these people are fleeing their own homeland in terror, terror created by the same people you see as the enemy. That's right these people are afraid of and trying to escape the same people who are causing American politicians and wing nuts to act in terror at their actions.

How is it you recognize the danger but don't acknowledge that you have fallen victim to the same terror as the people you are trying to drive away.

And get this: France where the most recent attack took place, an attack that has generated this most recent round of fear, has promised to take in 30,000 of the very same refugees all these people in America want to stop at our borders.

Shame on all of you.

And, praise to those few governors who recognize the obligation and who are accepting the refugees openly.

Minnesota governor disses others who want to block refugees

Another day another group of refugees turned away

Anne Frank was refused refuge in the United States

An update September 2018. The boy's aunt has written a book chronicling what happened in the aftermath of the  tragedy.
The Boy on the Beach.

Friday, November 6, 2015

There goes another pleasant evening in paradise


OK so this song is a stretch, but somehow though it is probably a love song, it speaks to getting along in society as well. It may hold a lesson. It's also the first one downloaded in anticipation of a playlist.

Photo shows results of a pipeline spill of tar sands oil in
Mayflower, Arkansas, in 2013. 
Well, there is a pleasant evening gone all to hell. I really need to learn to not take things so seriously. I felt pretty good going into the evening, so good I poured a glass of wine which I seldom do any more and downloaded a song I have always wanted to have. Then I did a last look through the pages I follow on facebook and other sites before starting a romantic comedy on TV, all the time thinking I might come up with a playlist later based from the song I downloaded. I should have forgotten about the review.

Today is the day President Obama put the kabosh on the Keystone pipeline, an environmental disaster waiting to happen. It was a victory in so many ways and probably added to the good mood as I approached the evening.

 Then came the  roll through the facebook feed. In there two of Alaska's three representatives in Congress came out calling the president every name they could get away with on facebook and making the end of Keystone sound like it was the apocalypse. It started me on the downhill slide grasping for that well-being I had felt moments earlier.

Here is the statement by the missing senator. (I call him that because he ran more against President Obama than he did against his opponent, promising to stand up to the president at every step of the way. Once elected that was pretty much the last we heard from him – hence the missing senator.)

"President Obama put the interests of radical environmentalists above hard-working, middle-class Americans. The irony is, the same ridiculous arguments he made today against Keystone — will only create a handful of jobs; does nothing for our energy security; threatens our environment — are the ones environmentalists made against the Trans Alaska Pipeline, the lifeblood of our state for nearly 40 years. TAPS is a source of pride and prosperity for all Alaskans — liberal and conservative, Democrat and Republican alike. It’s a shame the President can’t see beyond his ideology to the boundless potential of our great nation." 

This being the second one of those I read (the first was Rep. Don Young's comments almost word for word) I could no longer let it go. So I responded on facebook with this:

"There's a big difference between TAPS and Keystone. All of the TAPS oil was destined for the U.S. market. All the Keystone oil was to go overseas; the pipeline only linked the oil fields in Canada with the port at Houston. TAPS employs a whole lot more than the 35 permanent jobs expected from Keystone. The tar sands oil is the dirtiest oil imaginable and the company already has a terrible record of spills. How oil drilled for in a foreign country and sent to market in other foreign countries hurts the Alaska economy takes more explaining than any of us want to hear. Listen to Dick Derevan below, we are tired of being demonized by ignorance."

First of all I am damned tired of being called a radical environmentalist. Aren't we past that by now? That is so 1970s. But then that's where the missing senator's awareness seems to have stalled. Radical environmentalists have been the go-to boogymen for everything that goes wrong in Alaska for so long it has its own acronym. REVs are to blame for everything here.

There are more ideas I would love to add to that comment on his facebook page but Alaska's Republican senators and our only representative have a history of not listening to people who disagree with them, but do often try to convince us otherwise. As a matter of fact Rep. Don Young, the other one who criticized the president today, at one time said he only represented those people who voted for him.

One point that I wanted to hammer home was from the missing senator's last statement about ideology hurting the "boundless potential of our great nation."  I mean, how do 35 jobs and providing an avenue for dirty oil to be transported from Canada to foreign nations hurt the "boundless potential of our great nation?"

And as far as raising the specter of hurting middle class Americans, oh please, anonymous one, you are a yes-man in a party that has done everything it can to destroy the middle class in this country, so you better just shut up about that one.

I guess "standing up  to Obama" really means being critical after the fact. See earlier posts about rope-a-dope

Well, these revelations and rants got me past that one but foolishly I went on down the facebook and Twitter pages until I came across the revelations about a pro football player beating up his girlfriend.
Briefly summarizing: Greg Hardy, who at the time was playing for the Carolina Panthers, was accused and convicted of beating up his girlfriend. That conviction was eventually thrown out on appeal. He was punished by the NFL by being suspended for 10 games which eventually was reduced to four. Released by the Panthers and out of football for a year, he was picked up by the Dallas Cowboys this year and has had a starring role there this season. Then, today the police investigation materials including photographs of his girlfriend's bruises were released.

Where I first picked up on it was when Cowboys owner Jerry Jones defended Hardy and called him a leader and a "Dallas Cowboy" as if that lifted him above common societal obligations. This isn't the first time the NFL or a team has defended a guy who beat up a woman in his life, nor is it likely to be the last, but it is THIS time. There is a joke on the FXX comedy The League where a guy in a fantasy league refuses to draft players with criminal records. He loses badly. In almost every other occupation a convicted criminal is ostracized. In the NFL he is defended and continues to be paid millions for playing a game. How many of these have to happen before something serious is done about it?

Maybe what we need is for President Obama to take a look at it and maybe throw another rope-a-dope at the opponents before he's done. Give the missing senator and his cohorts in the Tea Baggers something more to whine about.

Maybe with all that, the pleasant evening could come back, maybe with one of the last lines of the song. For what it's worth I really don't want to wait for these lingering issues to be over:
 So open up your morning light,
And say a little prayer for right
You know that if we are to stay alive
Then see the love in every eye



Thursday, November 5, 2015

Phenomenal waves and exploding lows; watching snow melt

This was all white yesterday.
Sitting here watching the snow go away. It's kind of like watching paint dry only with a negative rather than a positive outcome. After a decent snowfall last week that left 2 to 3 inches on the ground, the weather stayed cool enough to maintain the world in white. But overnight last night the temperature never went below 40, a chinook wind picked up and now there are spots of grass here and there. The last leaves in the trees blown away by the fresh wind dance across the remaining snow, like birds poking around for feed.

Of course we complain with a big snowstorm and then we complain when there's no snow, but this is getting old. It wasn't until March before there was enough snow last year to get to the East Pole. With a big expotition planned in December rain and warm temperatures in November aren't offering an optimistic outlook.  No snow, no go; it's as simple as that.

I will never call anyone a pansy 
again. These guys were under
three inches of snow for a week.
The wood stove received a good cleaning yesterday in preparation for the winter, but it won't be needed for a while after this. And the wind continues to blow.

Remember the line from Gordon Lightfoot"s "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald:" "… when the storms of November come early…?"  Well, it's early November. I heard the most frightening weather forecast in my life about one of those November storms. It came to mind today when I stumbled across a facebook post about a new boat with video about how it functioned in Sea State Five. I had not been aware of a schedule of sea states so I looked it up. Turns out there is one called the Douglas Scale which categorizes seas from 1 to 9. State five has waves 2.5 to 4 meters high. The official description of that level is "rough." What caught my eye, though was sea state 9 with the descriptive word, "phenomenal."

Imagine being at sea exposed and hearing a forecast for "phenomenal waves." That raised the memory of the most frightening weather forecast I had ever heard. We had waited patiently for a three-day weather window to cross the Gulf of Alaska in late October. It came when the forecast called for a low pressure system near Kodiak to weaken and dissipate. We took off from Valdez, sailed through Hinchinbrook Entrance and were halfway to Cape St. Elias when a new forecast came across. Within that forecast was this phrase: "… the low near Kodiak has deepened explosively." Deepened explosively! Holy Crap. Among three of us on the boat, none of us had heard that expression before. We managed to beat that storm into an anchorage in Icy Bay just east of the cape where we stayed buttoned down for two days. Even on the third day when the seas had dropped to maybe 5 or 6 feet and we went out in that chop, we only made 50 miles in nine hours because the temperature had dropped into the teens and the boat started icing up from the spray.

We kept going slower and slower until we finally made Yakutat where we had to sail over the bar in breaking waves with a very top-heavy boat. We stayed there another couple of days knocking ice off the boat and rearranging the cargo to provide better stability.

Sometimes when a storm blows through here, memories come up about those trips and about those souls currently out there on the ocean when "the storms of November" come early, even if that is a Great Lakes condition. Exploding lows and phenomenal seas are just that whether it's salt water or fresh water and the dangers are the same. But the warm winds that come with them across the land mass do nothing except frustrate Alaskans waiting for snow. Even so, I guess I'd rather be watching snow melt than getting pounded by phenomenal waves in an exploding low pressure system. The stories aren't nearly as good, though.

The Douglas Scales
State of the sea (wind sea)[edit]
Degree
Height (m)
Description
0
no wave
Calm (Glassy)
1
0–0.10
Calm (rippled)
2
0.10–0.50
Smooth
3
0.50–1.25
Slight
4
1.25–2.50
Moderate
5
2.50–4.00
Rough
6
4.00–6.00
Very rough
7
6.00–9.00
High
8
9.00–14.00
Very high
9
14.00+
Phenomenal

Swell[edit]
Degrees
Description
0
No swell
1
Very Low (short and low wave)
2
Low (long and low wave)
3
Light (short and moderate wave)
4
Moderate (average and moderate wave)
5
Moderate rough (long and moderate wave)
6
Rough (short and heavy wave)
7
High (average and heavy wave)
8
Very high (long and heavy wave)
9
Confused (wavelength and height indefinable)

If you are interested in seeing where this happened there is a map on this story.  Singin' them songs about them storms at sea  Cape St. Elias is at the tip of the narrow island that sticks out in the gulf between Hinchinbrook and Yakutat. Ice Bay is just to the east of the cape. Incidentally, the waves in this story I now know were officially "phenomenal."


Best headlines ever

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel

Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth. Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel