Saturday, April 13, 2019
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Another day, so much less clutter
![]() |
| Eagles gather on the Eagle in Dutch Harbor Alaska. Photo Max Viau |
.@NOAA works to address noise in the ocean, announces #OceanNoiseStrategy. Learn more here: https://t.co/seoSiJtFkJ pic.twitter.com/G0eCmtX8rg— NOAA Fisheries (@NOAAFisheries) September 13, 2016
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Owl house is a very, very fine house …
![]() |
| In place and ready for occupants the very next day. |
With apologies to Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, look what I built. I had been thinking about it for several years and finally did something about it a couple of days ago, hit the lumber yard and built it yesterday.
I might be a little late already but I am going to give it a try. The drill motor battery didn't have enough oomph left to generate the torque necessary to make that 4-inch circular blade cut or I would be finished by now. Just have to cut the hole and paint and mount it in a tree. Then I can wait to see if it lures an owl. Might have to wait for next year.
| Later that same day. |
It might be a little bigger than necessary. Around here I could expect boreal or Saw whet owls which are tiny and this is designed for the next size up which would be a western screech owl. I figured the little ones could get into this nesting box, but the screech owl couldn't get into the smaller one. We'll see what happens.I'm kind of hoping I don't get a saw whet owl. Years ago in another town, I heard this strange call from the woods, a constant beep beep beep going on for hours. With a little research I learned it was a saw whet owl, but also that their range extended only as far north as southeastern Alaska. I lived 500 miles from there and it hit me that this little guy might have been hooting the loneliest bachelor call in the world being he was so far from the nearest female. The beeping grew old in a hurry. That constant toot toot toot kept me awake at night, irritated me before I fully woke up in the morning and just kept going on and on. I thought this might be a substitute for waterboarding. I could do without one beeping in my backyard here. Just to show you what I mean, here's a clip of that sound: (In reality the calls are a lot louder than this.)
To tell the truth though I would be happy with any type of owl that chooses to reside and perhaps nest and raise young in this fancy new condo. You could call it affordable housing even. Watch this space.
| These are the dimensions in case anyone is interested. The smaller one is about an inch shorter all the way around and has a 3-inch entry hole. Plan is from the 50birds.com website. |
Owl be seeing you in the polar vortex
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Scarecrows dressed in the latest style
![]() |
| You don't bother me at all. |
Actually she and her mate who have been hanging around all summer seem pretty fearless, owl or not. I think they are nesting in the big spruce at the back of the house. One or both stop by just about every day and poke about in the yard, still finding spilled sunflower seeds left over from winter.
They are pretty cavalier even about me. I have walked to within a couple of feet of them and sometimes they will just stay put or at the most flutter off a few feet and go back about their business. I kind of like them hanging around giving me company while I work in the garden, my two friends. They don't demand much.
I do worry a little about the neighbor's cat that wanders into the yard fairly regularly though. I have seen the remains of a few birds over the years that I am pretty sure that cat killed. I chase him when I see him and following a suggestion from a woman gardener, after dark I play wolf and mark my territory around the garden which seems to keep him away. Maybe it will help protect the birds as well.
I'm expecting to see young ones any day now and if they get to the ground before they can fly well and before they gain some protective fear, they would make easy pickings for the cat. I look at the BB gun in the closet and wonder, but I am pretty sure if I shot it, there would be a row in the neighborhood.
Maybe I need to dress a scare-cat in the latest style.
Friday, February 27, 2015
It's about all the Pine grosbeaks in Southcentral Alaska this year
![]() |
| Pine grosbeak male |
For starters, I have noticed larger numbers of the grosbeaks around the feeders this year. It's not exactly the attack of the Redpolls like a couple of years ago but where i might see one or two a couple of times a week, this year I have seen as many as a dozen several times, and there are always a few around the feeders. A friend in Seward said today she has had as many as 200 in her yard, but she has mountain ash with the berries a lot of these birds like.
![]() |
| Pine grosbeak female |
With that in mind a post showed up on the Birds of Alaska Facebook page with two pictures of grosbeaks, one an obvious female with the subdued orange and olive colors and another with those colors but right red on its head. The poster asked why the difference in colors. After no one posted an answer for more than four hours, I chimed in with this:
![]() |
Photo by Alysse Zimmerman
Immature male Pine grosbeak posted on Facebook. |
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Owl be seeing you in the polar vortex
OK, here goes. Wacko theory No. 8,634.
Much of the eastern United States suffered some heavy winter weather this year, largely blamed on something called the polar vortex. That is a combining of elements involving the jet stream the positioning of high pressure centers in the cold north and warmer weather far offshore to the south. In my limited knowledge I don't think it's fair of me to explain it much beyond that. However there will be links below to places that will.Earlier in the winter, in November and December, people began spotting snowy owls way south of their usual habitat. Normally they nest in Arctic regions and migrate south for the winter but generally stay north of 60 degrees latitude. Anchorage, Alaska is at about 60 North. This year there were sightings throughout the midwest and as far east and south as Virginia. It struck me that these two events might have something in common.
I remember suggesting to one friend she overlay a map of the vortex onto a map owl sightings, but I never heard back. So, today I gave it a try and look what I came up with. The map on the left below is of the vortex; the one on the right is snowy owl sightings in November and December. Coincidence? Ha, I don't think so. Of course there are exceptions but it sure looks like the snowy owls congregated just where the vortex was gong to show up later.
![]() |
| One blast from the polar vortex on AccuWeather. |
![]() |
| Snowy owl sighting reports on eBird. |
Years ago I read an article in Sports Illustrated magazine written during the construction of the trans-Alaska pipeline. In it the author wrote of his fascination with bananas on a dining hall table on the Arctic Coast of Alaska. He noted that in nature when an animal appears far outside its normal habitat, it's an indication the herd is in trouble. And then he's looking at humans and bananas in the Arctic and wondering if our herd was in trouble.
Were the owls such a warning? Is the snowy owl in trouble for some reason? Was there a low point in their normal prey species? Were they just trying to be friendly alarmists to warn people of the coming harsh winter? What else could be going on? One would take a whole new wacky theory and I am only good for one a day. But consider this, Alaska is in the weather path for winds to bring radiation from Japan. Ponder that one for a while. Meanwhile I am sticking with the owls simply going where they were most comfortable, and willing to go so far as to guess they have some indicator that helps them anticipate what winter is going to do and they act accordingly.
The point here, though, is not the speculation about why it happened or theories about motivation. The point is simply the observation that snowy owls showed up ahead of time in the same areas where the polar vortex later brought its storms.
But we have a warning for those folks on the East Coast. We are going to be wanting our owls back, and soon.
A BIT OF AN UPDATE: Some comments have shown up, several saying the change in migration is due to a change in prey species. One said voles were down in the Arctic while another blamed a decline in the lemming population. That makes sense. That, however doesn't change the basic premise pointing out the correlation between the owl migration and the location of the polar vortex. Perhaps it's the lemmings or voles that signal the change in weather pattern. There a couple of new links to articles about the phenomenon below.
ANOTHER UPDATE: That snowy owl a commenter on here mentioned, the one who was rescued after it was hit by a bus in Washington, D.C., was scheduled to be released today (4/19) in northern Minnesota. Here's that story. There were other rescues, too, at least two, one in Cleveland and another in Portland, Oregon.
Graphic credits: Polar vortex: Accuweather.com; owl spottings: eBird.com; snowy owl photo: Wikkipedia
Another version from Alaska Dispatch News 12/10/16
It's happening again in 2015
Audubon magazine article on the snowy owl irruption
New York Times: Snowy owl a harbinger of climate change?
Snowy owl
Snowy owl migration 2013, eBird
NASA animated depiction of the winter's polar vortex
What's a polar vortex?
Thursday, April 25, 2013
What's good for the goose …
![]() |
| Snow geese and Canada geese (background) gather in a field left uncovered by spring near Pioneer Peak |
![]() |
| Snow geese begin to encroach into Canada territory. |
![]() |
| Diversity in the goose world. I only saw one little dust up. |
![]() |
| A flight of geese approaches the field. |
By the time I recovered from that thought process enough to remember the camera in my hands, the snow geese had disappeared into the white of the mountain background leaving me and maybe a Canada goose or two to wonder what the heck caused that.
![]() |
| Snow geese not long before the big takeoff. |
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Those redpolls are still at it
We've got your friend Cheryl.
Bring 500 pounds of hulled sunflower seeds (no fillers) in unmarked 5-pound plastic bags or the Texan gets it.
The Redpolls
Frantically bagging seeds now to save my friend.
Enough redpolls yet?
The invasion of the redpolls is on!
Friday, January 18, 2013
The poll of polls
![]() |
| An individual redpoll. |
![]() |
| Gathering at the sunflower hearts feeder. |
So, the poll. How many redpolls do you count in the photo at the bottom, the big one. Those are thistle seeds they are fighting over.
![]() |
| This is the contest. How many redpolls do you see. |
Monday, December 3, 2012
How much wood could a woodpecker peck if a woodpecker could peck wood
Ten below zero today but still had a new visitor. Well, not new, but he stuck around today and I went outside and stalked a little. It is either a hairy or a three-toed woodpecker. They look very much alike. I noticed on the earlier shots with the downy on the feeder and now this one, look how they stabilize their position on the tree with their tail feathers.
Here's a gallery of more shots of this one today plus others that have visited this winter so far.
On an unrelated note: There's a new gadget on this blog at the bottom of this column. Take a look and if you want to see whose writing yours resembles, click the link. I am all OK with who I resemble. My friend who writes a lot of nonfiction wildlife and adventure books, got Rudyard Kipling. See what yours is like and post it as a comment.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
And now for the weather report
![]() |
| Checking the menu. |
![]() |
| Excuse me, dining here! |
Bunches of chickadees and nuthatches have shown up at the feeders and today the first Pine grosbeak (female) arrived. Then later a new species came in and poked around for several minutes. I had heard some rapping on the house walls earlier and it was not as sharp or as loud as the hairy woodpeckers make. Then a downy woodpecker perched at the feeder and I am guessing this was the one testing the T-111. This was the first confirmed downy I have seen although I know they have been around. Maybe it is time to start a picture window life list. My son and I had this one years ago.
![]() |
| All right then. I'm outta here. |
Saturday, February 4, 2012
A new contest

OK, this one isn't as easy. I counted 25 of them around the feeders this morning before I lost track. Anyway, how many pine grosbeaks in this photo? Thinking up what might be a suitable prize for a correct answer.
One time years ago at Alaska magazine, we accidentally used a photograph of a taxidermist's mount of two ptarmigan in a calendar. A wildlife photographer pointed out the mistake and we were suitably embarrassed. But, I wrote back to the photographer under the pseudonym Augustus Birch-Alder explaining to him that the person he wrote to was unavailable because we needed a photograph of a herd of caribou and it was getting damned hard to find 1,000 full mounts of caribou to arrange for the picture.
But we used to get a kick out of counting and then writing in the captions there are X number of something in this photo and imagining readers trying to find them all. We were always tempted to add one to the number just to get people going a little, but as far as I know it never happened.
So, how many pine grosbeaks? I told you this one isn't as easy. (And the shadow doesn't count.)
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Two, two, two posts for the price of one


Busy day at the feeders today. At one point I counted 20 pine grosbeaks and then kind of lost track. And, now redpolls are showing up in greater and greater numbers. The feeder full of thistle seeds has gone untouched for as long as it has been up. That was until today when the redpolls discovered it. There really was a crowd out there. Oh and as promised got out on the lighted side of them today. I figured out a perfect blind and if we ever get a sunny day again, I am looking forward to some good pictures. Love me, love my birds lol.
Friday, December 2, 2011
The Alaska red sled

These days they come in many shapes and sizes and colors. For instance this one is black, but they are all red sleds. That's because when there were made originally they were almost all red, well maybe some were orange. They are those short plastic kids' sleds with a raised side all the way around. They may have been intended for kids, but everyone in the Bush has one at least. Even Iditarod mushers carry them for moving equipment and food around at checkpoints.
They are the third arm, the extra muscle, the smoother trail, the easier going in life where moving around can be tough and moving things around even tougher. You haul chunks of firewood from the pile to the cabin. You bring your groceries up the hill with one when the machine won't make it. You can fit at least two five-gallon containers into the sled when you go to the lake for water. They don't haul huge loads but they haul enough to make life just a little bit easier. I probably own four or five of them but they are all at the East Pole. My trick is to buy two of them, then I fit one inside the other and run eye bolts through both to hold them together and provide places to hook bungee cords. That makes them tougher and they last longer. Today I needed one or at least thought it would come in handy, and I don't have one at this house.
See? Wednesday night I managed to get the little car stuck at the end of the driveway. I just left it there. Yesterday spent about two hours with a shovel or two and couldn't get it out of there no way no how. Went out again this morning and same thing, nothing would let it move. Plus, this morning there were snowflakes the size of pillows which almost led to panic. I mean, I do have to go to work tomorrow. If snow fell like that for very long the car would be there until spring. I kept looking it over to see if maybe I could at least get the Jeep past it somehow. I finally blasted through the dingweeeds and got the Jeep out, then I hooked up to the little car and yanked it out. Then I backed it up, straightened it out and blasted up the driveway as far as it would go -- not far, but far enough so I could park the Jeep behind it and both would be off the road.
Then, after a brief respite I took off in the Jeep to buy groceries. On the way I got to thinking I wished I had a red sled to haul the groceries up the driveway from the Jeep to the house. Now this takes some explanation of Bush mentality. In the Bush when you have a task to do and you don't have the right equipment, you don't think, "well, I'll just go to the store and get it." Mostly you can't go to the store just on a whim. Even if you do it will take at least most of a day. So, you think through what you have that might get the job done. You make do.
As I was thinking through what I might have that I could load with groceries and pull up the driveway all of a sudden a revelation came over me. Wow! I am going to a store that sells red sleds. OMG! I can buy one! Now isn't that something? The problem is, I didn't see the display of simple little red sleds near one of the entries until I was heading out the door with this $35 monstrosity. A bit of overkill but I have decided I am worth it, or at least I am getting old enough to accept a little help when I can find it.And, just as a side note, I don't want any crap about all those plastic bags. I have several of the reusable ones you buy at the store. But. And, don't you wish you could use this excuse? I LEFT THEM IN MY OTHER CAR.
Oh and look who showed up at the feeder tonight to let me know I forgot to buy bird food.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
A very chickadee Thanksgiving
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
A most peculiar sight
And today? A grouse at the feeders, all puffed out for warmth.
And, discovered a difference between generations. I remember thinking I wished i had a camera with me. About five miles farther on I looked at the iPhone that was feeding Lady Gaga into my car stereo. Duh. Kidding about it at work we came to the conclusion that those older among us have a telephone that also can take pictures. Those younger have a camera and stereo that, oh, also is a telephone.
Friday, November 4, 2011
A whole new take on Angry Birds



All the feeders out now and it wasn't an hour before one of them was down to 2/3 full. You can have your Angry Birds. I'll take my hungry birds any time. But, um, maybe not the expensive birds. I've joked in the past how fast they go through the feed I buy, but this year I learned a whole new lesson in bird feeding.
A couple of the old feeders needed replacing and I thought maybe adding a couple would be nice as well so have been looking for the past few weeks at various stores with some specific kinds in mind. I found some but others weren't available and I was beginning to think about making my own. I went to one last place, kind of the high end of pet supplies and bird seed and feeders.
They had quite a selection and as I looked through it, I came across one that was on sale for $110. One hundred ten dollars American! I laughed, Who the heck would ever pay $100 for a bird feeder? I found three I liked plus a hanging device and, oh what the heck, one of those silhouettes of a raptor that are meant to warn birds away from windows. And, oh yeah, a bag of thistle seed.
In a hurry to get to work, i hustled to the checkout and put them down for the cashier. She totaled it all up and very calmly as if this were an everyday occurrence said to me in the sweetest voice: one hundred twenty six dollars. I just about fainted. Very silently I paid for all this, right at that moment not sure these birds were worth that. Still regretting the amount, I put all those feeders out yesterday and filled them with seed that of course I am gong to have to replace at more great expense wondering again was this really worth it.
Then the first chickadee landed on the first one even before I had the second one filled and I started to feel a little better about it. But, today, I am programming a video game to challenge Angry Birds. It is called Hungry Birds and basically you start with a million dollars and start feeding birds. They find increasingly devious ways to get you to spend money on them until at about the 20th level you are broke. No human can win this game.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Pixie dust
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Birds and boys


You just never know what sort of influence you might be having on your kids and of course they are never going to tell you, but I realized one tonight and it was a pretty good one.
A friend of mine wrote a nice, thoughtful piece in the paper tonight about his young son’s encounter with a flock of Bohemian waxwings in the past week. It reminded me of my own son’s adventures with birds or at least my efforts to encourage some adventures and I thought maybe it would be an idea for my friend to try.
In the house my son and I shared every other week for seven years we had huge picture windows that overlooked a large woodland. Of course there were birds, a wide variety and we put out feeders for them. There were enough different species that I suggested we keep a life list. I called it “Our extra special picture window life list” and we taped it to the glass. The rule was we both had to see the bird and we had to identify it exactly, no “little brown chippies.” Over the next few years we added to that list often. Once in a while I would take it down and type the new ones into the computer to replace the handwritten ones and then tape it back up. That windowsill was always cluttered with bird identification books and binoculars.
Our favorites were the Steller’s jays who came to the deck for the peanuts we put out for them. They came every day in winter, often in gangs. One day we counted 13 on the deck and in the nearby trees waiting for their turn to swoop in for a peanut. We even recognized a few individuals. One we called Tank was noticeably bigger than the others and we swore the house shook when he landed. There was a day, too, when I hadn’t put any peanuts out yet. I heard a tapping on the window and when I went to look there was a jay perched on the back of a deck chair pecking at the window, demanding nuts.
Another favorite of mine was sometimes we could see a chickadee start from way deep in the woods and make a line in that up and down wave-like flight pattern they fly straight to the feeder that held sunflower seeds.
There are too many stories about the birds we saw and what they did for me to relate in a short blog post but they were almost constant entertainment. A friend from way back in high school visited once and added several species to his life list just sitting drinking coffee one morning.
My son more tolerated my passion for it more than he actually participated. But he surprised me when he was in sixth grade and wanted to do his science project testing what foods the jays would like best. His project won a statewide science fair division and earned him a big blue ribbon from a birding group.
After that junior high school took over and he got way too cool for dad’s bird interests. and I never noticed him paying much attention to birds again.
I hadn’t realized it until just today as I was telling my friend about our life list when it hit me. On our square-rigger sail this summer it came up we needed a bird identification book and no one seemed to have brought one. Turns out one person had. My 20-year-old son quickly produced his, the only one among that environmentally conscious crew to have one. And it was in telling my friend about it today that I realized what an event that really had been, the realization that at some point I had planted a positive idea with a growing boy. Perhaps in the encounter with the Bohemian waxwings, my friend has planted the same sort of idea with his son and one day the boy will reveal that influence to his father as well. I can tell him now it is one great, if unexpected, reward for being a parent.
Here is the last life list from the picture window:
My friend's story: Waxwing diversion
Best headlines ever
Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog
Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage
In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say
A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail
Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter
Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal
Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.
Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey
Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank
Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'
Homicide victims rarely talk to police
Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper
GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality
Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy
Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high
Give me all your money or my penguin will explode
How zombie worms have sex in whale bones
Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower
Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles
Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death
Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve
GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts
Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days
Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog
Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel
Memorable quotations
The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.
"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent
"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger
"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend
A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader
“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May
“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway
When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.― Kurt Vonnegut
“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”―Stephen King
The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"
"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”
Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.
Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently
My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter
Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.
"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN
Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?
My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.
I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry
I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"
“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper
Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden
A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka
We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again
If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle
Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."
If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin
It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell
You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”
If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both
If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that
I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill
German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”
Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”
Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem
Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center
One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan
Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends
It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson
3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes
Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”
You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming
He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama
Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker
“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500
Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla
“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti
“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places
As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again
Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting
Each day do something that won’t compute – anon
I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration
Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”
You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer
Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama
Sports malaprops
Commenting on an athlete with hearing impairment he said the player didn’t show any “uncomfortability.” “He's not doing things he can't do."
"… there's a fearlessment about him …"
"He's got to have the lead if he's going to win this race." "
"Kansas has always had the ability to score with the basketball."
"NFL to put computer chips in balls." Oh, that's gotta hurt.
"Now that you're in the finals you have to run the race that's going to get you on the podium."
"It's very important for both sides that they stay on their feet."
This is why you get to hate sportscasters. Kansas beats Texas for the first time since 1938. So the pundits open their segment with the question "let's talk about what went wrong." Wrong? Kansas WON a football game! That's what went RIGHT!
"I brought out the thermostat to show you how cold it is here." Points to a thermometer reading zero in Minneapolis.
"It's tough to win on the road when you turn the ball over." Oh, really? Like you can do all right if you turn the ball over playing at home?
Cliches so embedded in sportscasters' minds they can't help themselves: "Minnesota fell from the ranks of the undefeated today." What ranks? They were the only undefeated team left.
A good one: A 5'10" player went up and caught a pass off a defensive back over six feet tall. The quote? "He's got some hops."
Best homonym of the day so far: "It's all tied. Alabama 34, Kentucky 3." Oh, Tide.
"Steve Hooker commentates on his Olympic pole vault gold medal." When "comments" just won't do.
"He's certainly capable of the top ten, maybe even higher than that."
"Atlanta is capable of doing what they're doing."
"Biyombo, one of seven kids from the Republic of Congo." In the NBA? In America? In his whole country?
"You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive."
"They're gonna be in every game they play!"
"First you have to get two strikes on the hitter before you get the strikeout."
"The game ended in the final seconds." You have to wonder when the others ended or are they still going on?
How is a team down by one touchdown before the half "totally demoralized?"
"If they score runs they will win."
"I think the matchup is what it is"
After a play a Houston defender was on his knees, his head on the ground and his hand underneath him appeared to clutch a very sensitive part of the male anatomy. He rolled onto his back and quickly removed his hand. (Remember the old Cosby routine "you cannot touch certain parts of your body?") Finally they helped the guy to the sideline and then the replay was shown. In it the guy clearly took a hard knee between his thighs. As this was being shown, one of the announcers says, "It looks like he hurt his shoulder." The other agrees and then they both talk about how serious a shoulder injury can be. Were we watching the same game?
"Somebody is going to be the quarterback or we're going to see a new quarterback."
"That was a playmaker making a play.”



Michael Gungor


















