Thursday, March 31, 2011
Thurrrrrsday aaaafternooon
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Oh, what a tangled web we weave
So, with that in mind: while driving home last night I had a battle with a piece of gum. Nicotine gum might just have saved my life. I quit smoking Jan. 10, 2004, but since have chewed the gum regularly. Every once in a while, I get a piece that seems softer than usual and those pieces tend to stick to teeth and almost anything else they touch. Such a piece exposed itself last night during the journey. I first noticed it when it clung to my teeth. Pretty soon it was stuck and stretching between upper and lower teeth and threatening to cement my mouth closed. It took forever digging to extract it from my mouth and it came out with long strings still attached to teeth. With some finger digging, I finally removed the whole piece, but then it was stuck to my fingers.
I kept rolling it between my thumb in forefinger trying to get a hard ball that I could dispose of but it wouldn’t harden. I finally produced something symmetrical and lowered the window but when I threw it, the gum adhered to my fingers. With several more rolls and wrist snaps I finally flung it overboard, I thought. Minutes later with my hand at the top of the wheel I noticed a lump on my thumbnail and on closer inspection realized it was the ball of gum.
Here we go again. I tried to lift it off with my other hand but only part of it came with me. Now I had a string of gum connecting both hands and the more I tried to pull it off one, the more stuck to the other and pretty soon I had something of a spider web of nicotine gum connecting both hands and the strings only lengthened when I tried to pull my hands apart. Eventually of course, some stuck to the steering wheel and it was at that point I realized all the time I had been wrestling this gum I had been kind of weaving back and forth in my lane,
Now I was doing the very thing I had worried a policeman would pull me over for. I felt like Br’er Rabbit and the tar baby if anyone remembers that reference (It is one movie that will probably never come out of the fabled Disney vault). And how would you explain to a cop who thought you were driving drunk that it was all about a piece of gum? I slowed down, got the gum under as much control as I could and because I was only about a mile from my exit, drove on without fighting it any more, both hands at the top of the wheel as close together as possible to prevent the web from spreading any more. Once off the main highway I pulled over to the side, found my roll of paper towel and stepped out. It took several minutes to get all the gum off my hands and then the steering wheel and then the gearshift. With most of it gone, I thought, I went on down the blue highway, of course chewing a new piece of gum. Who knows if I got it all, I will probably still find some when I get in it to go to work today. I know there was still some gum and paper towel on my fingers when I got home.
On the way, I passed three police cars stopped with their lights flashing. In their headlights I saw they had a woman standing and she had been handcuffed. I wanted to shout “blame it on the gum,” but chose the wiser course and went on home.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Oh, btw
A mystery probably solved
The last airplane on skis
A bit of background: Every year as warmer spring-like weather releases the snow, I will notice a small airplane or two with skis, flying over and apparently looking for a place to land. The same happens in the fall when everything freezes overnight and there is that last airplane on floats. Airborne with no place to land. Thought it might be fun to explore that adventure.
Monday, March 21, 2011
A man for all seasons
Thursday, March 17, 2011
We do it for the stories we can tell
We were flying from Golovin to Nome in a Cessna 206, the pilot, two television news people and myself. For the most part we flew through a gray out; that’s like a white out only gray with some precipitation in it. Picking out landmarks from the air proved difficult in the flat light and to add to the difficulty, the pilot, good as he was had never flown Alaska’s Seward Peninsula before. He flew low attempting to follow the beach line or at least the sporadic line of exposed driftwood sticking above the snow at the high tide line. The pilot handed his chart to the fellow in the other front seat, whom I will not name because he has since reached national network exposure and recognition for news reports.
He rotated the map a couple of times, a sure sign of a person unfamiliar with navigation. To the right of a westbound airplane, there is land and some low mountains, to the left, the Bering Sea, sometimes covered with ice. There are three promontories to be passed on the way from east to west before reaching Nome. Mushers driving dog teams go up and over them, people flying airplanes go around them.
Realizing the fellow with the chart was not to be trusted and from my boating experience having some knowledge of navigation, I watched the shoreline, too, and kept track of those promontories. First came Bluff and then Topkok and we flew on westward. Visibility degenerated to virtually nothing. On the approach to Nome from the east, once the airplane passes Cape Nome, the largest and last of those promontories, the pilot has to turn toward land more to the northwest. When the fellow supposedly navigating told the pilot we had passed Cape Nome he turned to the northwest thinking he was heading for the Nome airport.
At this point I was pretty sure we had not passed Cape Nome, which is a significant mountain that rises directly out of the sea. Not wanting to correct a pilot which is a horrible breach of any kind of professional etiquette you can think of, I held my tongue hoping we would see it in time and all would be fine. However, visibility worsened still more.
The time came when I couldn’t stand it any more. I was sitting directly behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. He lifted his earphone off his ear and I told him I was pretty sure we had NOT passed Cape Nome.
He did what I have heard pilots do when given adjustments by air traffic controllers, that is perform the maneuver immediately without question. I had just barely finished the sentence when he laid the airplane almost on its side in a hard left turn heading out to sea where nothing would stand in our way.
In short order Cape Nome slid by us, it seemed reaching to touch the landing wheels. As it turned out we had been within a mile of that severe snow-covered rock face almost invisible in the gray out, and flying straight at it at a speed of about 100 miles an hour. Do the math for how long it takes an airplane to fly one mile at 100 mph. Simply, whew, that was close. If I hadn’t said something we might have flown straight into it without ever seeing it.
Not too much farther along, the city of Nome came into view and we made our landing. After I had retrieved my gear from the cargo area, I happened to catch the eye of the pilot. We stood for a moment looking into each other’s eyes, nothing said, but the understanding passing between us that we had just survived a very close call. I am not sure the other two passengers even realized it.
That was the last flight in a small airplane I ever took on the Seward Peninsula. Every one of the flights up there had involved some kind of adventure like this one and I am just as happy if I have to in the future to take a boat or a trail.
Diversity? I don’t think so.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
There goes the neighborhood
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I saw the light, no more darkness, no more night
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Patience and persistence
One mystery solved, sort of. Stopping on the bridge of a starry night …So the light on the river showed again only this time I stopped and gave it a good long look despite the fact I had forgotten the binoculars. Sure enough, it was a strobe. I had thought it might be going on and off as trees passed between us, but no, it was definitely intermittent. It seemed small enough to be an emergency signal from on the river ice but that's because it was farther away than I thought. So once I realized this I had to think through what it could be and came to one conclusion. About 10 or 12 miles away in the direction of the light there's a small but controlled airstrip. Because of the distance the light had seemed closer to the ground than it was. So, most likely that light is a beacon for pilots seeking that little airstrip in the dark. With that one taken care of all that remains are the mystery mushers, footprints, strange lights and pixie dust.... The plot is thinning.
Just for proof: This is what i found about the airport on the Internet. I believe the light I am seeing is under the "Lights" heading but i never saw any green.
Birchwood Airport Operations
Airport use: Open to the public
Activation date: 10/1949
Sectional chart: ANCHORAGE
Control tower: no
ARTCC: ANCHORAGE CENTER
FSS: KENAI FLIGHT SERVICE STATION [800-478-3576]
NOTAMs facility: BCV (NOTAM-D service available)
Attendance: APR-AUG 0800-1800, SEP-MAR 0800-1700
Wind indicator: yes
Segmented circle: yes
Lights: DUSK-DAWN
ACTVT MIRL RY 01L/19R & VASI RY 19R - CTAF.
Beacon: white-green (lighted land airport)
View Larger Map
MAP EXPLANATION: Reduce the size one or two clicks then move the map until the "A": is in the lower left hand corner. That's Birchwood Airport. Now if you look toward the upper right, find the words "Knik River." That is actually where the bridge that i saw the light from is and it shows the line of sight to the light. Isn't this all just fascinating? Sending away now for my Sherlock Holmes deerslayer hat and a Meerschaum pipe.
Monday, March 7, 2011
It's quiet out there. Yeah, too quiet.
As if there were need for another reminder
Well, if that wasn't one, another did pop up. Last night and again tonight as I crossed the bridge over the river, to the south of me there was a bright light quite a way downriver. It looked strong enough to be a strobe. Last night I had wondered if I should go check to see if someone might be stranded on the ice. I was glad to see it again tonight so there is some other answer. I will try to remember binoculars tomorrow and look for it if it is there tomorrow night. Add them to the list for sure... there may be a story here yet.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Just for balance
Don't you know. Realized it got a little heavy around here with a lot less Alaska and a lot more, well, other stuff. But, in my defense, there are interesting things outside Alaska. But, these two pictures are to bring us all back on task, subject and focus. Plus the real Iditarod starts today so there is that return to the subject.
And for the record, here is an Iditarod story. One time in the late 80s during an Iditarod race, I returned to the East Pole after some time away. I had heard a public radio station started in the area and while I was getting things in order, I found it on the radio and tuned it up. Then I went about the business of moving in again, keeping the fire going, hooking up the propane, unpacking, sweeping out the place. Radio was having some kind of a radio reader program and I didn't pay that much attention. It was barely in my consciousness as i was lost in thought putzing around my home. Still, every once in while something said on the radio sounded vaguely familiar and it stopped me for a minute, but nothing ever registered.
Finally a particular phrase caught my ear and I stopped to listen to the last half of what was a long paragraph and realized this sounded awfully familiar. I listened more intently and recognized every word and that was when the realization came over me. The first thing I heard on KTNA radio was someone reading MY book. WOW. Talk about a rush.
So anyway welcome back to Alaska with Attitude. The pictures are simply gratuitous.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
This story just keeps getting better and better
Curiouser and curiouser
Best headlines ever
Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog
Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage
In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say
A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail
Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter
Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal
Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.
Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey
Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank
Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'
Homicide victims rarely talk to police
Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper
GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality
Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy
Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high
Give me all your money or my penguin will explode
How zombie worms have sex in whale bones
Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower
Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles
Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death
Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve
GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts
Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days
Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog
Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel
Memorable quotations
The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.
"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent
"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger
"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend
A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader
“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May
“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway
When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.― Kurt Vonnegut
“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”―Stephen King
The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"
"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”
Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.
Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently
My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter
Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.
"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN
Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?
My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.
I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry
I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"
“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper
Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden
A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka
We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again
If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle
Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."
If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin
It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell
You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”
If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both
If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that
I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill
German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”
Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”
Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem
Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center
One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan
Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends
It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson
3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes
Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”
You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming
He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama
Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker
“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500
Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla
“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti
“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places
As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again
Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting
Each day do something that won’t compute – anon
I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration
Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”
You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer
Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama
Sports malaprops
Commenting on an athlete with hearing impairment he said the player didn’t show any “uncomfortability.” “He's not doing things he can't do."
"… there's a fearlessment about him …"
"He's got to have the lead if he's going to win this race." "
"Kansas has always had the ability to score with the basketball."
"NFL to put computer chips in balls." Oh, that's gotta hurt.
"Now that you're in the finals you have to run the race that's going to get you on the podium."
"It's very important for both sides that they stay on their feet."
This is why you get to hate sportscasters. Kansas beats Texas for the first time since 1938. So the pundits open their segment with the question "let's talk about what went wrong." Wrong? Kansas WON a football game! That's what went RIGHT!
"I brought out the thermostat to show you how cold it is here." Points to a thermometer reading zero in Minneapolis.
"It's tough to win on the road when you turn the ball over." Oh, really? Like you can do all right if you turn the ball over playing at home?
Cliches so embedded in sportscasters' minds they can't help themselves: "Minnesota fell from the ranks of the undefeated today." What ranks? They were the only undefeated team left.
A good one: A 5'10" player went up and caught a pass off a defensive back over six feet tall. The quote? "He's got some hops."
Best homonym of the day so far: "It's all tied. Alabama 34, Kentucky 3." Oh, Tide.
"Steve Hooker commentates on his Olympic pole vault gold medal." When "comments" just won't do.
"He's certainly capable of the top ten, maybe even higher than that."
"Atlanta is capable of doing what they're doing."
"Biyombo, one of seven kids from the Republic of Congo." In the NBA? In America? In his whole country?
"You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive."
"They're gonna be in every game they play!"
"First you have to get two strikes on the hitter before you get the strikeout."
"The game ended in the final seconds." You have to wonder when the others ended or are they still going on?
How is a team down by one touchdown before the half "totally demoralized?"
"If they score runs they will win."
"I think the matchup is what it is"
After a play a Houston defender was on his knees, his head on the ground and his hand underneath him appeared to clutch a very sensitive part of the male anatomy. He rolled onto his back and quickly removed his hand. (Remember the old Cosby routine "you cannot touch certain parts of your body?") Finally they helped the guy to the sideline and then the replay was shown. In it the guy clearly took a hard knee between his thighs. As this was being shown, one of the announcers says, "It looks like he hurt his shoulder." The other agrees and then they both talk about how serious a shoulder injury can be. Were we watching the same game?
"Somebody is going to be the quarterback or we're going to see a new quarterback."
"That was a playmaker making a play.”