Tuesday, November 26, 2019

One potato, two potato, three no more

Imagine being an old guy and stuck in your ways. Then imagine losing a favorite food. When the new Fred Meyer opned here a couple of years ago they stopped carrying several of my favorites including Betty Crocker Instant Mashed Potatoes, the only kind I've ever liked. I found them at an Alaska-based warehouse store but it was an extra 10 miles round trip to get there. Then imagine my disappointment when I went there last week to buy my winter supply and they had only two boxes in the display and I picked up both. I stopped there later in the week to find they were not only out of it, two other brands filled their usual space, I actually expressed my disappointment loudly enough it turned some heads in aisle.
So for a few days I plotted and thought about it and when I went out yesterday to shop for most of my winter's food I had picked out three other stores to try. The last on the list made my journey almost 150 miles round trip, but still no Betty Crocker.
I thought maybe I could substitute for my favorite with an off brand for the winter, and hope for new supplies next spring but that didn't sound enjoyable. I mean who wants to be stuck in the Bush with the wrong brand of instant mashed potatoes?
But then driving home and turning the problem over in my mind it came up that Amazon carries some groceries. So I checked them out this morning. They had the exact one sold in packages of four and not much more than it costs in a store around here, so I ordered a box, hoping it would arrive before I head for the East Pole. Here it is eight hours later and Amazon has notified me my package will arrive Sunday December 1, five days from now and certainly in time. And there's this, I had enough credit card points so the whole thing is free.
Honestly I don't care much from Amazon. I don't like the fact that the company and its owner don't pay taxes and I don't like what they do to local merchants. But, damn, something as simple as Betty Crocker Instant Mashed Potatoes and local supermarkets (mostly large regional chains) can't be bothered carrying the product?
Now if I could get the locals to carry the yogurt I like, the frozen yogurt I like, the frozen quiches I like and the dish wand sponges I like, I wouldn't have to go to Amazon and live with all this guilt.
Oh, wait, I am going to the East Pole with at least one of the things I like and can't find around here any more. The guilt will fade at least until the next time I have to go to Amazon.
UPDATE: The order from Amazon arrived Nov. 29, four days!

My life in Alaska

Sunday, November 10, 2019

The natural cathedral

     
The question comes up now and then, "Do you believe in God." I have a tough time with that because I don't believe in a magic man in the clouds who looks over us all. It just defies logic and science too much. There are also the wars that have been fought and are still being fought in the name of some god people have chosen to worship in an organized religion.
     Then there's the idea that the ruling and monied classes keep the poor people poor by promising a wonderful reward after they die. All I can say is good luck with that.
     However I do experience a spirituality that is founded in nature, not in a supreme being, but I have never been able to explain it well. The following quote from Richard Nelson who produced the "Encounters" series and who died recently sums it up nicely from a Koyukon teaching:

“I’ve often thought of the forest as a living cathedral, but this might diminish what it truly is. If I have understood Koyukon teachings, the forest is not merely an expression or representation of sacredness, nor a place to invoke the sacred; the forest is sacredness itself. Nature is not merely created by God; nature is God. Whoever moves within the forest can partake directly of sacredness, experience sacredness with his entire body, breathe sacredness and contain it within himself, drink the sacred water as a living communion, bury his feet in sacredness, touch the living branch and feel the sacredness, open his eyes and witness the burning beauty of sacredness”

A memory of Richard Nelson
Find episodes of "Encounters" here

Monday, November 4, 2019

Up a creek

I love how sometimes a thread of comments on a facebook post will wander off into a completely unexpected direction and take on a life of their own. What follows here is a string of posts by my friend Joe May added to a post showing game-camera video of various animals crossing a creek on a log. Incidentally following this period in his life Joe went on the run the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race several times, winning it in 1980.

 In the early 70's trapping season opened Oct. 20 in this valley. There was always enough snow or accumulated frost to run a small team that could be rigged single file ahead of a narrow toboggan for the bridges. Several faster flowing creeks hadn't frozen enough to bear the weight of team and sled and had a convenient log, or one dropped deliberately in the right place (there were NEVER two trees in the right place to make a wider bridge). It took coaxing to cross initially but for the dogs it became a game in time. A high wire balancing act of the finest kind, not always successful, but maybe nine out of ten crossings with dry feet. I would give anything for a video of some of those episodes: dogs, sled and human in the creek splashing and scrambling to get out, with a campfire and tea on the far side to dry out.
Good memories. All the discomfort of a wet ass and cold feet.have long faded from memory.
I once had a nasty overflow creek on a trapline. To cross it, on memorable occasions, I pre-gathered a pile of dry firewood, twigs, and bark atop the sled bag, tied my boots, pants, and long johns around my neck, stripped down to one pair of socks, grabbed the leaders' neckline, and hauled ass for the far side, sometimes knee and once belly deep. That may sound extreme, but you see, for ten minutes of discomfort I had the creek behind me, dry clothes on, a hot fire, tea heating, and I was fit to go to work drying dogs and harness. Provided you're not in the water very long, even at -30F, it isn't threatening until you come out, with or without wet clothes. The trick is to plan ahead to prevent a protracted wetting.
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Note the sled had no brake and it was steep hill country. That made the "downs" a lot more iffy than the "ups," especially at night with a half-dead two-cell, carbon battery flashlight that took one hand off the handlebar. A thrill most modern mushers will likely never experience.
That's a .41 mag hanging on the handlebar— in October the bears up there were still out and about.
Imagine if you will coming down steep hills, with no way to brake, often ass over teakettle, with a hodge-podge of stuff in the sled. I had no mentor or how-to book until I found a copy of George Attla's "Training and Racing Sled Dogs." It was literally a self-taught exercise from which I importantly learned how not to do things. I gleaned so much from George's words. The learning experience actually gave me an advantage over other mushers during races who hadn't had the opportunity to make those mistakes and learn from them — yet.
— Joe May

Best headlines ever

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel

Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth. Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Commenting on an athlete with hearing impairment he said the player didn’t show any “uncomfortability.” “He's not doing things he can't do."

"… there's a fearlessment about him …"

"He's got to have the lead if he's going to win this race." "

"Kansas has always had the ability to score with the basketball."

"NFL to put computer chips in balls." Oh, that's gotta hurt.

"Now that you're in the finals you have to run the race that's going to get you on the podium."

"It's very important for both sides that they stay on their feet."

This is why you get to hate sportscasters. Kansas beats Texas for the first time since 1938. So the pundits open their segment with the question "let's talk about what went wrong." Wrong? Kansas WON a football game! That's what went RIGHT!

"I brought out the thermostat to show you how cold it is here." Points to a thermometer reading zero in Minneapolis.

"It's tough to win on the road when you turn the ball over." Oh, really? Like you can do all right if you turn the ball over playing at home?

Cliches so embedded in sportscasters' minds they can't help themselves: "Minnesota fell from the ranks of the undefeated today." What ranks? They were the only undefeated team left.

A good one: A 5'10" player went up and caught a pass off a defensive back over six feet tall. The quote? "He's got some hops."

Best homonym of the day so far: "It's all tied. Alabama 34, Kentucky 3." Oh, Tide.

"Steve Hooker commentates on his Olympic pole vault gold medal." When "comments" just won't do.

"He's certainly capable of the top ten, maybe even higher than that."

"Atlanta is capable of doing what they're doing."

"Biyombo, one of seven kids from the Republic of Congo." In the NBA? In America? In his whole country?

"You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive."

"They're gonna be in every game they play!"

"First you have to get two strikes on the hitter before you get the strikeout."

"The game ended in the final seconds." You have to wonder when the others ended or are they still going on?

How is a team down by one touchdown before the half "totally demoralized?"

"If they score runs they will win."

"I think the matchup is what it is"

After a play a Houston defender was on his knees, his head on the ground and his hand underneath him appeared to clutch a very sensitive part of the male anatomy. He rolled onto his back and quickly removed his hand. (Remember the old Cosby routine "you cannot touch certain parts of your body?") Finally they helped the guy to the sideline and then the replay was shown. In it the guy clearly took a hard knee between his thighs. As this was being shown, one of the announcers says, "It looks like he hurt his shoulder." The other agrees and then they both talk about how serious a shoulder injury can be. Were we watching the same game?

"Somebody is going to be the quarterback or we're going to see a new quarterback."

"That was a playmaker making a play.”