Monday, January 13, 2020

East Pole Journal January 13, 2020

The East Pole maternity ward is open
This is the primary suspect in the case of the noise in the thicket.
A couple of weeks ago I wrote about something crashing around in the brush at the bottom of the hill. Well, it is still going on. On a cycle of two or three days I have heard it regularly since then, sometimes in the middle of the night and sometimes during the day. A thick stand of climax birch trees blocks the view from the house or deck and even when I move, I have yet to see it. I am leaving it be. No sense disturbing moose in the middle of winter when they need every bit of energy they can muster just to stay alive. Still, a visual confirmation would be pleasant. Later in the day I heard loud cracking a few hundred yards to the east from where all the others emanated, but still within hearing distance (to state the obvious). And then, here she comes, moving back from west to east, back to her original thicket, and oh boy, is she pregnant. Look at that belly. Shortly after I took the picuture she moved into the thickest part of the undergrowth and laid down. I can't see her now but I know right where she was.

Temperatures rising
For the past couple of weeks the temperatures have been well below zero. Not quite as bad as some other places, I mean, I didn't see anything like 50 below friends in Fairbanks have been experiencing or even 20+ below at the other end of my trail near Talkeetna. The coldest it went here was 17 below one night but stayed pretty much in the teens-below for the two weeks at least. I had planned to go out sometime in that period because I was running low on a few things, but I wasn't interested in driving around on a snowmachine at 20 below, nor could I expect my truck to start. After all the truck had been sitting there unused for almost a month. Toward the end of last week the forecast called for warming, so I prepared for a quick dash. Saturday night I ate the last Oreo cookie and Sunday morning I had the last Excedrin pill. Fortunately Sunday it was +2 here and a balmy +7 in Talkeetna and I had hitched up and loaded the cargo sled the day before so I headed out. With the temperature somewhat above zero, the truck gave one little groan, then fired right up. So, great when all your machines work on the same day. (At the end of the day I even solved a problem with the generator.) By the end of the day I had restocked the vitals I needed and made it back no problem. All is well again at the East Pole. Oh, here's measure of how the cold spell had affected things around here. I had to try a third place before I could find some bottles of the gasoline additive Heat.

Robin Hood and Little John
There's one spot on the trail where it crosses a fairly large creek which when frozen often has overflow on the ice. Most years once it freezes it is all right to cross, but after breaking through that ice several years ago, if I have any doubts at all I use a bridge our group built a few years back. It's narrow, only wide enough to accommodate a snowmachine or four-wheeler. So yesterday though I could see some folks had crossed the ice it looked a little shaky to me despite that spate of cold weather so I drove up onto the bridge. About a third of the way across  (we're talking about 20 or 30 feet here) I noticed I was following fresh moose tracks. So what would I do if I met a moose on the bridge? Immediately my mind went to the fable of Robin Hood and Little John where both wanted to cross a small bridge and they fought it out with staves. (When's the last time you saw the word "staves?) Robin eventually knocked the bigger man off the bridge much to the amazement of those watching and a legend was born. So if a moose challenged me for the bridge, um, last I looked, no staves, no bow and arrows either. I don't usually carry a firearm in winter and I also didn't have a sword or dagger, not even a pocket knife. I might have had a box cutter in the tool bag I always carry. Prudence would say avoid the confrontation and let the moose do what it wanted, after all it would be larger than someone named Little John. Later, driving back I wondered if I rushed at the moose and tried to knock it off the bridge if that would work. It would certainly surprise the moose, but I could also envision both of us going off the bridge tangled together and breaking through the ice into the water below. Mostly in the future I will stop before driving onto the bridge and take a good look at the surrounding woods for any sign of moose wanting to cross before I can get off it. I have always done that, but I will take a little more time with it from now on. Thoughts along the trail are fun, don't you think?

For the birds
It's been a strange year for birds and it's not just here. The only birds I've seen all winter are chickadees and one magpie that comes by every so often. No redpolls, no Pine grosbeaks, no woodpeckers and none of the predatory birds that occasionally show up. I've seen a raven fly over now and then, but that's about it. I was talking with a friend who lives about 10 miles away as the crow flies (if there were any crows.) and he has observed the same general pattern. For all we've read about climate change and bird populations declining, this looks pretty scary. But, there are cycles and redpolls change their migration patterns all the time, so maybe it's just this odd year. Let's hope.

Back when I was an editor (they say once you are you never aren't)
Is there a broadcast news reader or a news writer anywhere who can refer to a prior year without using "back in," as in "back in 1998?" Those are two wasted words, probably filler so the broadcasters feel more creative or at least use their whole minute. You can say "in 1998" and it means the same thing without the flourish. We get it that 1998 is back in the past. I should be in charge. Seriously. LOL.

A couple of comments from facebook:
Joe May: We had five of them in the yard at one time today. Eating shrubs, lilac bushes,a Siberian Pea tree, and the Mugo pines. Last summer it was the neighbors cows on the lawn every week, now it's moose.
I don't begrudge the animals a meal, especially the wild ones, but it seems now they're bringing all their friends and relatives to dinner.

        Gretchen Small: same here with birds.....lots of chickadees, downy and hairy woodpeckers, a few magpies, and a few ravens   and a pair of boreal owls.    no redpolls, crossbills, grosbeaks, siskins, or nuthatches at all.   but several black backed woodpeckers which i have not seen in years.  last summer's birds were of fewer species also

 It's everywhere. Check out this thread on the Birds of Alaska facebook page

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Best headlines ever

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel

Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.― Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”―Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Commenting on an athlete with hearing impairment he said the player didn’t show any “uncomfortability.” “He's not doing things he can't do."

"… there's a fearlessment about him …"

"He's got to have the lead if he's going to win this race." "

"Kansas has always had the ability to score with the basketball."

"NFL to put computer chips in balls." Oh, that's gotta hurt.

"Now that you're in the finals you have to run the race that's going to get you on the podium."

"It's very important for both sides that they stay on their feet."

This is why you get to hate sportscasters. Kansas beats Texas for the first time since 1938. So the pundits open their segment with the question "let's talk about what went wrong." Wrong? Kansas WON a football game! That's what went RIGHT!

"I brought out the thermostat to show you how cold it is here." Points to a thermometer reading zero in Minneapolis.

"It's tough to win on the road when you turn the ball over." Oh, really? Like you can do all right if you turn the ball over playing at home?

Cliches so embedded in sportscasters' minds they can't help themselves: "Minnesota fell from the ranks of the undefeated today." What ranks? They were the only undefeated team left.

A good one: A 5'10" player went up and caught a pass off a defensive back over six feet tall. The quote? "He's got some hops."

Best homonym of the day so far: "It's all tied. Alabama 34, Kentucky 3." Oh, Tide.

"Steve Hooker commentates on his Olympic pole vault gold medal." When "comments" just won't do.

"He's certainly capable of the top ten, maybe even higher than that."

"Atlanta is capable of doing what they're doing."

"Biyombo, one of seven kids from the Republic of Congo." In the NBA? In America? In his whole country?

"You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive."

"They're gonna be in every game they play!"

"First you have to get two strikes on the hitter before you get the strikeout."

"The game ended in the final seconds." You have to wonder when the others ended or are they still going on?

How is a team down by one touchdown before the half "totally demoralized?"

"If they score runs they will win."

"I think the matchup is what it is"

After a play a Houston defender was on his knees, his head on the ground and his hand underneath him appeared to clutch a very sensitive part of the male anatomy. He rolled onto his back and quickly removed his hand. (Remember the old Cosby routine "you cannot touch certain parts of your body?") Finally they helped the guy to the sideline and then the replay was shown. In it the guy clearly took a hard knee between his thighs. As this was being shown, one of the announcers says, "It looks like he hurt his shoulder." The other agrees and then they both talk about how serious a shoulder injury can be. Were we watching the same game?

"Somebody is going to be the quarterback or we're going to see a new quarterback."

"That was a playmaker making a play.”