I received the best Christmas present this year, a year when I chose to pretty much ignore the whole thing. I decided some time ago to spend the month of December at the East Pole. Go to your happy place they say and I did. I have not regretted it, though I am sure some relatives aren't real happy with me.
So, this present came as a total surprise. Christmas Eve I was listening to my favorite music of the season, which though I am not religious is the traditional religious carols. They move me in ways almost every other genre does not. My concert always ends with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing "O Holy Night." Mostly the choir backs a soprano who sings that song like no one since Bonnie in our schoolboy church Christmas pageants. The ones where I was always a shepherd.
Anyway the gift began during the choir's rendition of another classic, "Silent Night."
For years I have been collecting misinterpreted lyrics in Christmas carols with the idea with enough of them there could be a really clever story in it. An example would be: " … with angelic host …" becomes the Jelly Coast.
So last night listening to the Mormons sing "Silent Night," I heard a new one and this one involved names. Names mean characters and characters mean stories. It happens that fast.
It's been years since I have written much that is truly creative, except maybe an occasional post on this blog.
I have gone so far as advertising for a muse on Craigslist. I was invited to do some interesting things, none of which involved writing.
So imagine those urges being stimulated by an idea. I was so happy with it, I just had to tell someone.
During the day I had exchanged messages with a friend online and she has an interest in writing also. So I sent her a message explaining the project and telling her the inspiration I had just received from the Mormons. Mind you, at this point the gift had not yet started giving.
I realized it was late where she lived and I would not hear from her quickly. And then just as I was falling asleep, I had the awful feeling I don't know her very well and I might have offended her with what could seem like making fun of traditional beliefs.
Christmas morning I opened her message with some trepidation but I should have given her more credit. She loved the idea, she loved the new additions and even offered some suggestions of phrases she had heard. Now the gift was giving. As I went about the chores of the day, the idea was festering and growing in my mind.
By late afternoon too much was going on for me to ignore it any longer and I actually sat down to write: total creation for the first time in years. Talk about Christmas joy. I once told a woman friend that total immersion in creative writing is better than sex. She didn't believe me. Silly girl.
Anyway I wrote for two solid hours, one idea following another and coming so fast I had to stop the narrative only long enough to write the ideas for the future so I wouldn't lose them. The gift that keeps on giving.
After about two hours I came up for air. I had to restart the fire (the one in the wood stove) and take care of other chores, like food for one.
Now, breathing regularly again and coming down I recall the time this friend and I exchanged ideas about muses and what I was looking for. She correctly saw right through me, telling me what I was really looking for was a friend I could talk about things like this with. I don't think, though, that she was volunteering. But she has done it, probably without realizing it, and in the process given me the greatest gift someone could give a writer, in this case unmitigated encouragement.
I would love to share what I have written but that is a great way to lose interest in something quickly. I don't anticipate it being completed soon, either. I still need several more phrases and they will come and perhaps lead to more days like today. But I don't think it will hurt to give a little hint. My new characters are named Alice Calm and Alice Bright.
"Silent Night" New York Philharmonic and Mormon Tabernacle Choir
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Best headlines ever
Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog
Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage
In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say
A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail
Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter
Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal
Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.
Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey
Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank
Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'
Homicide victims rarely talk to police
Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper
GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality
Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy
Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high
Give me all your money or my penguin will explode
How zombie worms have sex in whale bones
Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower
Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles
Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death
Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve
GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts
Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days
Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog
Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel
Memorable quotations
The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.
"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent
"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger
"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend
A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader
“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May
“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway
When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.― Kurt Vonnegut
“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”―Stephen King
The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"
"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”
Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.
Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently
My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter
Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.
"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN
Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?
My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.
I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry
I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"
“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper
Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden
A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka
We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again
If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle
Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."
If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin
It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell
You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”
If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both
If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that
I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill
German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”
Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”
Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem
Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center
One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan
Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends
It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson
3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes
Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”
You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming
He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama
Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker
“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500
Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla
“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti
“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places
As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again
Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting
Each day do something that won’t compute – anon
I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration
Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”
You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer
Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama
Sports malaprops
Commenting on an athlete with hearing impairment he said the player didn’t show any “uncomfortability.” “He's not doing things he can't do."
"… there's a fearlessment about him …"
"He's got to have the lead if he's going to win this race." "
"Kansas has always had the ability to score with the basketball."
"NFL to put computer chips in balls." Oh, that's gotta hurt.
"Now that you're in the finals you have to run the race that's going to get you on the podium."
"It's very important for both sides that they stay on their feet."
This is why you get to hate sportscasters. Kansas beats Texas for the first time since 1938. So the pundits open their segment with the question "let's talk about what went wrong." Wrong? Kansas WON a football game! That's what went RIGHT!
"I brought out the thermostat to show you how cold it is here." Points to a thermometer reading zero in Minneapolis.
"It's tough to win on the road when you turn the ball over." Oh, really? Like you can do all right if you turn the ball over playing at home?
Cliches so embedded in sportscasters' minds they can't help themselves: "Minnesota fell from the ranks of the undefeated today." What ranks? They were the only undefeated team left.
A good one: A 5'10" player went up and caught a pass off a defensive back over six feet tall. The quote? "He's got some hops."
Best homonym of the day so far: "It's all tied. Alabama 34, Kentucky 3." Oh, Tide.
"Steve Hooker commentates on his Olympic pole vault gold medal." When "comments" just won't do.
"He's certainly capable of the top ten, maybe even higher than that."
"Atlanta is capable of doing what they're doing."
"Biyombo, one of seven kids from the Republic of Congo." In the NBA? In America? In his whole country?
"You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive."
"They're gonna be in every game they play!"
"First you have to get two strikes on the hitter before you get the strikeout."
"The game ended in the final seconds." You have to wonder when the others ended or are they still going on?
How is a team down by one touchdown before the half "totally demoralized?"
"If they score runs they will win."
"I think the matchup is what it is"
After a play a Houston defender was on his knees, his head on the ground and his hand underneath him appeared to clutch a very sensitive part of the male anatomy. He rolled onto his back and quickly removed his hand. (Remember the old Cosby routine "you cannot touch certain parts of your body?") Finally they helped the guy to the sideline and then the replay was shown. In it the guy clearly took a hard knee between his thighs. As this was being shown, one of the announcers says, "It looks like he hurt his shoulder." The other agrees and then they both talk about how serious a shoulder injury can be. Were we watching the same game?
"Somebody is going to be the quarterback or we're going to see a new quarterback."
"That was a playmaker making a play.”
Merry Christmas Tim! The balance of time alone for creativity and the need for human support and inspiration is a tricky one. Glad to read you are writing.
ReplyDeleteKaren
I am honored to be your muse. And delighted to be your friend. Your writing and friendship have been one of the high point of the year for me. Merry Christmas, my friend!
ReplyDelete