Friday, December 30, 2016
Write what you know
I read this last night in John Grisham's "Sycamore Row: "He was working in a bar in Juneau, Alaska, in a seedy section of town where sailors and deckhands and roustabouts gathered to drink and shoot dice and blow off steam. A couple of ferocious bouncers kept the peace, but it was always fragile."
Now, I have only been to Juneau maybe four times, but in those times I don't recall ever seeing a "seedy section." However three of those four times I approached from seaside and after weeks at sea, the sleaziest bar on earth could look like heaven if the beer was cold and the women were hot.
Still I don't believe there is a seedy part of Juneau, unless as some might suggest it's the places where legislators hang out during sessions.
More I think Mr. Grisham should have at least done a little research or at best spent a day or two there. The third choice might have been Ketchikan when the Rock was rocking and Creek Street was in full bloom.
Except for that, so far I am enjoying the book tremendously.
A comment from Facebook:
Sharon Wright I lived in Juneau in 1971 and lived in the "seedy" area of South Franklin Street with Phil Haney in an apartment in a run down building. We were right above the Top Hat Bar, one of those hallway bars with a long bar the length of the hall with single tables for 2 against the other wall. Yes, there were rough characters doing shots in that bar. Never saw any sailors or deckhands there. Just old men. I'm not going to get into it now, but one night going home, a couple of scraggly ugly drunk native men tried to drag me away from Phil & he had to get into it with them. He made them run up one of the hillside staircases. So, yes, Juneau actually had a "seedy" stretch of blocks. But the seediest area IMHO was up at Baranof Hotel where the legislators gathered to drink & make deals.
Thursday, December 29, 2016
I feel most fortunate
In this episode Holling Vencoeur, owner of the Brick bar, learned of an uncle's death at the age of 110. Holling at 63 went into a mid-life crisis believing his life was half over given the longevity of the his male relatives.
How old was I when I thought my life was half over? Right, it was around 36 when I started looking at the life I was living and the life I wanted to be living.Thus began my adventure into the woods, onto the big ocean and through six books.
Holling dealt with his by rounding up every potato in Cicily and heading out to his still which had been owned by his father and his father before him. He began distilling vodka and if we are to believe this, it seemed like he drank most of what he made.
I went about it a different way. I knew I was going to build a cabin in the woods at some point. So I made a list of the tools I would need and every time I took home a paycheck I bought something off that list.
So between me and Holling, in my mind our mid-life crises were resolved. With that resolution, my mind jumped to the present, sitting here in the deep woods and contemplating life and then the realization, "holy crap," I am twice that old now. I've outlived my mid-life crisis, lived two halves of an average life and here I am. What am I supposed to do now?
For one thing, with only two days to go it looks like I will survive 2016. If anybody's been paying attention that's been no small feat at my age. So many great musicians died this year you would think someone was killing them off. Writers, actors, politicians, so many people we loved and then Princess Leia … and her mother.
The world seems emptier without them. And unfortunately it's not over. Most of the rock musicians I grew up with are in their 70s now so bracing for continued announcements.
So what is my good fortune? I lived through this horrible year. I am still standing or sitting anyway but at times now I feel like Slim Pickens riding that nuke earthward shouting Yahoo all to the tune of "I'll see you again, don't know where, don't know when."
And there is this: Keith Richards reportedly is still alive. So maybe it's all right to look forward to another ride around the sun with some measure of optimism based on having.survived the past year.
An addendum: Until I read the comment below, I hadn't considered the glass half-full/half-empty paradigm. I suppose as the years pass the glass grows larger and the volume of the halves changes as does the total for the whole glass. It's almost a catch 22, as you get closer to a full glass, the glass increases in size making it impossible ever to fill it. I guess we keep striving, despite the futility of it and that's all right particularly for anyone with a creative nature. The day you accept anything you've done you're finished anyway. There is a quote credited to the great impressionist Renoir on his death bed. At 94 when asked what he thought of his body of work, he said, "I begin to show promise." In other words his glass never filled to the brim, at least not to his satisfactison, despite his best efforts. And, look what he accomplished. What hope is there for the rest of us? Perhaps the answer lies in the very real threat at the end of the comment which should give us more reason than ever to strive on.
Thursday, December 22, 2016
You couldn't live with yourself if you didn't at least try
A friend sent that to me in a facebook message today. It's a conclusion I had come to since the election.
I had reached a point in life where I felt I have been fighting something or other forever and where I am tired. It was like in Fellini's movie, "The Clowns." His camera crews traveled around Europe contacting and interviewing all the famous clowns from European circuses. As an aside if you watched carefully you would see the crews pull off some of the great clown tricks. There is a scene where they pull up to an address in a small car and before you realize it, 20 people have come out of the car carrying all manner of movie-making equipment. But the point of telling this is the last scene
in the movie where Fellini staged a grand circus parade under the big top. But as the elephants and the acrobats march around the tent, we notice three of the clowns sitting on the ring itself. Asked why they are not in the parade one of them says, "not any more, I am just too tired."
I could take that as a reason not to fight or like Chief Joseph of the Nez Perse said after defeating the U.S. Cavalry and then trying to lead his people into Canada, "I will fight no more forever."
In the Fifties, believe it or not, we objected to complacency, not a big fight, but still. In the Sixties came the Vietnam War and civil rights, and for a bit more spice, women's liberation. After that came the whole environmental movement. By the Eighties I was driving a boat in Alaska waters and seemed to be far from the battles. About then SeaWorld came to Alaska to capture our whales and then Exxon spilled oil all over our ocean and shores. Those took care of the Eighties, Nineties and 00s.
After that I put in a sitnt at a newspaper and that's a place you are constantly exposed to the world's battles, all of them, on a daily basis. Choose your medicine. It never goes away.
Some time after that I thought I could enjoy retirement as I felt I had reached a point where I could say I did what I could and now when I was tired and would fight no more forever.
Then came the 2016 election. I was one of those naive persons who could not envision Trump winnning. I might as well have been punched in the stomach when he did. And even since, every time I think of it I react physically. On top of that there are those people who now have a majority in both houses of Congress who want to cut Social Security and Medicare. I depend on both of these and would be pretty much reduced to poverty if they succeed. I am outraged. I have been paying into Social Security for more than 50 years and now they want to take it away from me because they hate Franklin Roosevelt.
I stewed over it for some time until I realized that's not going to help. Also I can't just write about it. If I am not going to sit by passively and let it happen to me I have to do something. But what? A blog post doesn't do much, after all most of the people who read my blog agree with me. So, I made a start. I sent a serious email to all three of Alaska's representatives (all in-line Republicans) in which I pointed out that 83,000 Alaskans receive Social Security benefits, most of them retired people. That was a start.
The missing senator wrote back first. What I got was a condescending (it might as well have started out "Dear Stupid) note explaining what the GOP says is wrong with Social Security. Our other senator said she was examining the issue. I never heard back from our only U.S. Representative, but then he says he only represents those who voted for him.
So, that was a start. Obviously more needs doing and fast. At the moment I am in the deep woods, a good place to devise a plan. Unfortunately I am stranded by a broken-down, brand-new snowmachine so I have a lot to contemplate, but I am thinking through what I can do in the fight to keep the benefits we've earned. I guess I will fight at least once more forever. So thanks, Shelley, for the kick in the pants. I just hope it doesn't kill me.
A COUPLE OF COMENTS FROM FACEBOOK
10-4. my sentiments exactly. retired. moved back to the woods to live on a very small income but lots of time to do art, meditate, walk in the woods and smell the roses. also thought no way in hell america would elect an utterly incompetent, psychotically narcissistic baboon. but we were wrong and now we have to fight again and again until we die in the trenches. this time the battlefront is so multifacetd it's overwhelming: social security, economic freedom for lower and middle classes, racial
and LGBQT rights, women's rights, environmental survival. .... anon.... there is no moral or just cause this satan-spawn isn't attacking. my experience w Dan Sullivans office to phone calls is the same----yawn. who cares about what you peasants think? and Young, of course , is like Trump---- he feels
he was divinely anointed and overtly hostile to constituent opinion. i will continue to call them, donate $ where i can, and just be the squeaky wheel. anything else that occurs to me is illegal. mostly i plan to just live long enough see these jack-offs in their graves after they have destroyed everything – GRETCHEN SMALL
Gretchen Small that matters except what is inside my soul. like Gandhi. "i will not obey. you can kill
me but then all you have is another dead body. you still will not have my obedience."
Former congressional staffers tell how best to influence members of Congress.
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
It's so easy anybody can do it
KGB enlisted young Trump in Soviet Cold War operation – sources
Author: Carlos Nodonaldo
Dec. 13, 2016 Inconsequential News Service
Federal agents this week revealed partial results of an investigation into Donald Trump that has unearthed what they say is proof he was and likely still is an agent of Russia, either as a willing participant or as an unwitting mind-controlled automaton who was awaiting instructions from deep inside the KremlinSaturday, December 10, 2016
Snippets
We write them and don't quite know what to do with them. They come to mind and leave just as fast and we are left with a slice of time and circumstance without backstory. Here is one that came up today. This one is different though, I have a place for it.
Thursday, December 8, 2016
Best year-end roundup of the year so far: 2016 edition
And then on to the best we were blessed with from news, sports and television writers and announcers this year.
This may not be the best roundup, but it's the first. Starting out with almost anything Donald Trump said, no need to list them all.
Best photobomb of the year so far. |
Dueling death notices from wife and girlfriend. |
Best sports announcer quote of the day so far: "You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive." (5/30)
Monday, December 5, 2016
Waiting for winter in Alaska
A quick, snowless trip down to the river. |
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
I am thankful we survived this flight
We spotted a dog team making way across the open snow and Crazy Horse asked if I wanted to make a picture. I said sure and he immediately put the Cessna 172 into a precipitous dive toward the musher. I snapped the picture, dropped the camera and grabbed the hand-hold overhead and held on for dear life. It was in that moment I realized I was clinging for safety to the very thing that was going to kill me and that if we were going to crash there was nothing I could do about it. Over the course of almost two weeks flying along with the race, Crazy Horse and I had several more adventures but from that day forward I had taken a fatalistic attitude toward flying and it never bothered me again. It didn't even bother me (much) during another serious flight along the Seward Peninsula a couple of years later.
Thursday, November 17, 2016
A long-time Alaska journalist dies
Many knew Nancy as the editor of the Nome Nugget but I wonder if anyone knew she was a scientific innovator as well. She introduced one of her innovations around Christmas 1980 when a bunch of us gathered at her apartment for a party. She began her demonstration by pouring popcorn kernels into a brown paper bag. She had just gotten one of those new-fangled microwave ovens and wanted to demonstrate its advantages. She placed the bag in the oven and started it up. In time the popping stopped and she pulled it out, a huge smile of accomplishment on her face. That changed to horror a moment later when the bag burst into flames and she had to dump it into her sink and flood it with water. End of demonstration, but not the laughter.
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Yet another underprivileged minority begins to emerge
She was speaking to the comparison between white people and minorities in which generally white people enjoy advantages that most minorities do not. My concept at the time, and I realize it now, was narrower and involved privilege among white people and I certainly do not enjoy the same advantages as the wealthy do. In fact it is that lack of privilege that has forced a new minority of which I am probably a charter member or about to become one. But because of our conversation, I now understand the broader view of privilege, the concept that simply because I am white I enjoy a certain level of privilege within a diverse community of minorities.
Regarding Social Security and other stuff
Friday, November 11, 2016
Thursday, November 10, 2016
That time we built an official 'historic site'
It's somewhere on this map and, no, I am not going to say where. |
table late in the night and around a campfire way off the pavement somewhere.
This one comes from the latter. It occurred on a remote beach in Alaska's Prince William Sound and led to quite a different result than any of us could have expected.
Sitting around a campfire in front of a teepee my friends used as a headquarters for kayak trips they guided in the sound we hatched the plan to build a sauna for our use over the course of a summer. It came up as a whim but as the line goes in Stan Rogers' song "Mary Ellen Carter" "with every jar that hit the bar" the idea became more of a mission.
A ready supply of lumber in the form of weathered cedar planks lay just across the bay at an abandoned cannery. We all had tools and a quick call on a radio to another friend coming out the next day produced a supply of nails and some hinges and we were on our way. A stove and pipe would have to come out later.
The next day while a couple of friends and I made several trips across the bay in my 19-foot boat hauling lumber, others drew up a design, found a level spot and cleared it in preparation for the construction
Along with the weathered cedar the old cannery produced other treasures: some metal roofing in good enough shape to cover our building and a box of the old-time square nails which we thought would give our steambath some character. Little did we know it might give it too much character.
With half a dozen people working over the course of the next day we had the structure on a solid foundation and built all the way to the roof. The next day we built a fancy door and fashioned a handle from gnarled driftwood. At that point I had to leave to go back to work and it fell to others to complete the structure.
That summer proved so busy I never did get back to see the finished project, but when I came back the following spring a bunch of us went out there and had a fine party on that beach to kick off the summer. After that, the boat work became hectic and it wasn't until August the chance arose to go back.
At the time I was carrying four Bureau of Land Management surveyors who were documenting historic sites chosen by Natives in the area under the Alaska Native Claims Settlement Act. We visited several bays and coves over ten days until one day we pulled into that very bay where we'd built the sauna. As was my custom I asked the surveyor what was in this bay.
He was kind of excited. He said the Natives had claimed a spot in the bay were there was a foundation for an old cabin and a steambath that was still in use. He expected to have a sauna while we were there. I became immediately suspicious. He showed me a photograph and sure enough it was our sauna. I started laughing while the others looked at me curiously until one asked what was so funny.
I looked at them very seriously and said, I built that goddamed historic steambath. Yup, the Natives had come along and claimed our sauna as their own and indeed one of historic significance. The only thing historic about that building was the imprint of my skinny white ass on a bench inside. But what can you do? If we went too far into the legalities we probably had built an illegal structure to begin with; we had no legitimate claim to it. I don't know what happened to that sauna though a fellow in another port on the opposite side of the sound told me one day he had found a sauna and described the island. A welder, he worked up a fancy stove for it, but then he disappeared too.
Whether it is still there or not I have no idea and most of the people who knew about it either have died or dispersed across the globe. But sometimes I like to think of future tourists tracing the history of Prince William Sound staring into a roped-off area that protects that building which was my contribution to the Native history of the sound.
Monday, November 7, 2016
The sweet music
Thursday, November 3, 2016
Baseball over the years in Valdez, Alaska
University of Alaska Fairbanks 1909 baseball game in Valdez, Alaska. '"Fort Liscum vs. Valdez, June 22, 1909." Photo by Phinney. S. Hunt. From the Mary Whalen Photograph Collection in the University of Alaska Fairbanks Rasmuson Library Alaska & Polar Regions Collection (UAF-1975-84-533).
I think Valdez Little League is still playing on the same field.
That's my son in the second picture playing second base for the Valdez Senior team in 2003.
Sure enough it looks like the games were played on the same field and the photos taken from the same position. A good look at the mountain in the two pictures makes it pretty clear that it is the same mountain. Note the ridgeline coming down from the center of the mountain and angling off to the left toward the bottom. And, in the upper right edge of the mountain, that seems to be the same curve of the slope.
A lot has changed over the years. Mostly that the field was almost in town in 1909, but the earthquake in 1964 took care of that. The field apparently didn't move, but the town did, a few miles to the west where it now stands on more solid ground. All those houses beyond the outfield fence are new since the earthquake.
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
The election is about more than the personalities
His book was about a serious environmental issue so I suggested he look up Trump on environmental issues. In his next tweet he asked any of his followers if they could direct him to any articles on Trump's environmental views. In other words he didn't have a clue and hadn't really looked into his candidate. And then this happened.
For people who might be wavering or unhappy about voting for the "lesser of two evils," I have attached a meme that came out nearly a year ago. Besides the personalities, it shows what is really at stake in this election and it makes a compelling statement to vote for one of the candidates.
Friday, October 28, 2016
Hey Lowe's … R E S P E C T
Donovan and Max at Lowe's in Anchorage. |
They were kind enough to pose for a picture. I didn't want to intrude so much as to ask why Donovan needs a service dog or what he does at Lowe's or any other details about their lives. Cool enough that Lowe's accommodated Max and provided him with his own company jacket. Enlightened.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
The shame of Alaska
This came up on facebook the other day. It's a statement that puts the tragedy right in your face. I know the people involved and so do a lot of other people, so I am not going to name them. Suffice it to say the man involved was once a hero to Alaskans. They live in a small village off the road system.
Here is the post, his wife's plea to save her husband:
Feel the tragic consequences. The story is the same across Alaska, lives, whole families destroyed by alcohol. I don't know how much more you could say about the depth of the tragedy than this woman's plea. I showed the post to a friend who also knows the family and we both admitted it brought us almost to tears, the sadness for a friend and the utter frustration of not knowing how to help, how to end this somehow.
Best headlines ever
Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog
Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage
In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say
A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail
Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter
Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal
Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.
Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey
Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank
Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'
Homicide victims rarely talk to police
Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper
GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality
Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy
Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high
Give me all your money or my penguin will explode
How zombie worms have sex in whale bones
Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower
Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles
Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death
Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve
GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts
Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days
Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog
Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel
Memorable quotations
The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.
"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent
"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger
"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend
A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader
“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May
“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway
When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.― Kurt Vonnegut
“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”―Stephen King
The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"
"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”
Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.
Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently
My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter
Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.
"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN
Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?
My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.
I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry
I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"
“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper
Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden
A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka
We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again
If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle
Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."
If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin
It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell
You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”
If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both
If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that
I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill
German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”
Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”
Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem
Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center
One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan
Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends
It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson
3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes
Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”
You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming
He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama
Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker
“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500
Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla
“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti
“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places
As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again
Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting
Each day do something that won’t compute – anon
I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration
Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”
You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer
Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama
Sports malaprops
Commenting on an athlete with hearing impairment he said the player didn’t show any “uncomfortability.” “He's not doing things he can't do."
"… there's a fearlessment about him …"
"He's got to have the lead if he's going to win this race." "
"Kansas has always had the ability to score with the basketball."
"NFL to put computer chips in balls." Oh, that's gotta hurt.
"Now that you're in the finals you have to run the race that's going to get you on the podium."
"It's very important for both sides that they stay on their feet."
This is why you get to hate sportscasters. Kansas beats Texas for the first time since 1938. So the pundits open their segment with the question "let's talk about what went wrong." Wrong? Kansas WON a football game! That's what went RIGHT!
"I brought out the thermostat to show you how cold it is here." Points to a thermometer reading zero in Minneapolis.
"It's tough to win on the road when you turn the ball over." Oh, really? Like you can do all right if you turn the ball over playing at home?
Cliches so embedded in sportscasters' minds they can't help themselves: "Minnesota fell from the ranks of the undefeated today." What ranks? They were the only undefeated team left.
A good one: A 5'10" player went up and caught a pass off a defensive back over six feet tall. The quote? "He's got some hops."
Best homonym of the day so far: "It's all tied. Alabama 34, Kentucky 3." Oh, Tide.
"Steve Hooker commentates on his Olympic pole vault gold medal." When "comments" just won't do.
"He's certainly capable of the top ten, maybe even higher than that."
"Atlanta is capable of doing what they're doing."
"Biyombo, one of seven kids from the Republic of Congo." In the NBA? In America? In his whole country?
"You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive."
"They're gonna be in every game they play!"
"First you have to get two strikes on the hitter before you get the strikeout."
"The game ended in the final seconds." You have to wonder when the others ended or are they still going on?
How is a team down by one touchdown before the half "totally demoralized?"
"If they score runs they will win."
"I think the matchup is what it is"
After a play a Houston defender was on his knees, his head on the ground and his hand underneath him appeared to clutch a very sensitive part of the male anatomy. He rolled onto his back and quickly removed his hand. (Remember the old Cosby routine "you cannot touch certain parts of your body?") Finally they helped the guy to the sideline and then the replay was shown. In it the guy clearly took a hard knee between his thighs. As this was being shown, one of the announcers says, "It looks like he hurt his shoulder." The other agrees and then they both talk about how serious a shoulder injury can be. Were we watching the same game?
"Somebody is going to be the quarterback or we're going to see a new quarterback."
"That was a playmaker making a play.”