This is going to take some explaining. First all this is fiction, keep
that in mind. Secondly it is written in instant-messaging format keeping all
the inherent typos, misspellings and syntax intact. That is to preserve the
story in a way it occurred. I know that makes it difficult to read, but in the
long run it helps understand the two people involved. This is a small part of a
much longer project. At the time of this conversation she is living in a group home for vulnerable women so at least we don’t have to decipher the language she uses when she’s high. She ran away from an abusive home when she was 16 and ended up on the street working occasionally as a prostitute to support a meth addiction. I am posting this because in the past week I have been posting about another friend who’s dealing with this kind of world as she had to have renters evicted from a property she owned, people much like the young woman on one side of this conversation.
In the eviction process we saw some insight into a young man’s relationship or non relationship with his father, an insight that raised more questions than it answered. But, the question most frequently asked was "How can people live like this?" This conversation describes how the runaway woman I know described her original home life and what eventually pushed her out and led her into a situation similar to the one we are dealing with in the eviction.
Bet Cee: i think my parents
were just young
Bet Cee: and poor
Bet Cee: and hot tempereed
Bet Cee: and didn't
necesarily like each other
Bet Cee: or me
whaleman11: a recipe for
disaster.
Bet Cee: lol right
whaleman11: how old were they when
you were born?
Bet Cee: 21 and 22 i
think...
Bet Cee: babies
whaleman11: for sure
whaleman11: i think it takes
people longer to grow up than it did 100 years ago
Bet Cee: i think youre very
right
whaleman11: but are still
expected to be mature at that age
Bet Cee: ive spent a lot of
time thinking about it
Bet Cee: and i thnk youre
right
Bet Cee: not everyone does
well forced into a situation they dont wnt to be in
whaleman11: yes that too
whaleman11: was it sort of an
accidental pregnancy or do you know?
Bet Cee: totallly
accidental
whaleman11: probably didn't
help the situation any
whaleman11: but people have to
accept the responsibility of their actions
Bet Cee: ya..
Bet Cee: how do you feel
about abortion?
whaleman11: like a lot
of things, i can see both sides of the argument. I can also see
that it is a woman's choice and none of government's business
Bet Cee: i think its a
womans choice too
whaleman11: while i can see
the life argument, i can also see times when abortion is the best choice
Bet Cee: and i thikn i
would have been an excellent abortion candidate
whaleman11: that's a sad thing
tohave to say
Bet Cee: no...not really
sad
Bet Cee: true I could
literally look my Dad in the face and tell him Ishould have been an abortion …
he would tell me I'm right
whaleman11: still the feeling
of not being wanted
Bet Cee: haha i wasnt
Bet Cee: i dont mean
like...i dont deserve life
Bet Cee: i mean more...
whaleman11: and that might
have affected your whole life
Bet Cee: if you think about
it objetively
whaleman11: yes i see what you
are saying
Bet Cee: right
Bet
Cee: im all for womans choice
whaleman11:
as it should be
Bet
Cee: anyway..i was just wondering
whaleman11:
how i felt about it?
Bet
Cee: ya
whaleman11:
how i feel about it, is if it ever came up in
my life i would think about it long and hard as I did in the past and
hope we both came to the same conclusion, knowing if we didn't it would be her
vhoice
whaleman11:
choice
whaleman11: and certainly
anyone else's is their issue not mine
Bet Cee: cool
whaleman11:
got that settled?
Bet
Cee: ya
whaleman11:
i am glad hyou parents didn't get one
whaleman11:
did your father ever molest you?
whaleman11:
i think you told me once he didn't but i forget
Bet
Cee: woah
Bet
Cee: no
whaleman11:
glad to hear that
Bet
Cee: me 2
whaleman11:
yes you for sure more than me
whaleman11:
i think i told you once on here about afriend
whose father began raping her at the age of 9
Bet
Cee: ya..
Bet
Cee: how is she doing?
whaleman11:
i don't know
whaleman11:
haven't heard from her since early fall
whaleman11:
she had just come out of rehab and was
living with her son and girlfriend
Bet
Cee: sounds like shes doing well then
whaleman11:
well considering the silence, i hope so
whaleman11:
i hope she hasn't relapsed
Bet
Cee: ill hope the best for her too
whaleman11:
good
whaleman11:
it's funnyu
whaleman11:
i won't hear from her for months
whaleman11:
and one day i will have these strong feelings
and thoughts abouther
whaleman11:
and she contacts me within a week
Bet
Cee: haha thats pretty cool
whaleman11:
some kind of connection
Bet
Cee: i love people like that
whaleman11:
me too
Bet
Cee: do you think that because my father didnt
molest me that it wasnt that bad and i should have stuck it out?
whaleman11:
i don't know enough to make that judgment
whaleman11:
nor would i
whaleman11:
what matters is how you perceived what was
going on
whaleman11:
and iff he was cruel and beating you, you
had good enough reason without adding molestation onto it
Bet
Cee: k..
whaleman11:
does that sound right ot you?
Bet
Cee: wut
whaleman11:
what i just said
Bet
Cee: ya its fine
whaleman11:
anyway
whaleman11:
i am sure your reasons were good
whaleman11:
or at least justified
Bet Cee: kk
Bet
Cee: im not sure NOW that leaving was good
Bet
Cee: but i was very sure then that leaving was good
whaleman11:
on that list of basic truths on my blog there
is one that says
whaleman11:
all decisions are based on unsufficient data
whaleman11:
sometimes you jsut have to do what feels right
at the time
whaleman11:
i think if you hadn'r run, you might be better
off today
whaleman11:
but can't we be sure
whaleman11:
do you think it was possible he could really
have hurt you?
Bet
Cee: no doubt yes
whaleman11:
did you ever have to get treatment, go to the
hospital?
Bet
Cee: i told you
Bet
Cee: he broke his knuckles punchning the door
Bet
Cee: next to my face
whaleman11:
yeah
whaleman11:
did he ever hit yhou like that?
Bet
Cee: yes
Bet
Cee: i dont care how drunk you get
Bet
Cee: your stillresponsbile for your own actions
whaleman11:
yes you are
whaleman11:
and a lot of this hapened when he was drunk?
whaleman11:
did yo ever go to the hospital?
Bet
Cee: i think he was an alcholoic
Bet
Cee: but he never went to meetings or anything...
Bet
Cee: thats just like my ownopinin
Bet
Cee: no
whaleman11:
yeah i get it, no to
hospital?
Bet
Cee: well
Bet
Cee: i should rephrase
whaleman11:
how about your mother, did she drink with him?
Bet
Cee: not for injuries that 'happened in the home'
whaleman11:
for what then?
Bet Cee:
it was like 'oh you hurt yourself in basketball
and we didnt go until later that night'
whaleman11:
ok now confused
whaleman11:
he hurt you but they blamed it on basketball?
Bet
Cee: no..
Bet
Cee: so if you go to the hospital
Bet
Cee: they ALWAYS ask what happened
whaleman11:
yes
Bet
Cee: so i was never there for an inury that happnee
din the home
Bet
Cee: it was always something that happened earlier
Bet
Cee: like basketball game
whaleman11:
oh
whaleman11:
still not sure what you are saying
Bet
Cee: ugh nvm
Bet
Cee: no my mom didnt drink
whaleman11:
but she didn't defend you?
Bet
Cee: my parents
Bet
Cee: were
Bet
Cee: are
Bet
Cee: ?
Bet
Cee: can i say are?
Bet
Cee: im gonna say are
Bet
Cee: my parents are under some delusion
Bet
Cee: that they have to protect and back each other
up on everything
Bet
Cee: or they are being like...
Bet
Cee: unfaithful
whaleman11:
oh so that make you the common
enemy
Bet
Cee: so..
Bet
Cee: EXACTLY!
Bet
Cee: fucking exactly
Bet
Cee: and what else it does
whaleman11:
ugh
Bet
Cee: is if mom tried to liike...say..'well honey..it
will be ok, let it go this time'
Bet
Cee: then hed say that i was turning my mom against
him
Bet
Cee: and then things just got worse
Bet
Cee: it was fucked up
whaleman11: i can see it
whaleman11:
and how often would something like that happen
Bet
Cee: it was ALWAYS tense
Bet
Cee: but like my dad losing it?
Bet
Cee: all weekend
Bet Cee: and maybe once or twice
on the weekday
whaleman11:
what would be a happy time at home for you?
Bet
Cee: hanging out with grandparents OUTSIDE of my
house
Bet
Cee: that was fucking fantastic
Bet Cee: they were awesome
Bet Cee: probobly because
grandkids can do no wrong
Bet
Cee: they were cool
Bet
Cee: they had hobbies
Bet
Cee: and we went and did like activities
whaleman11:
are these your mothers or father's parents?
Bet
Cee: both...but my dads set was cooliest
whaleman11:
were they aware of what was going on?
Bet
Cee: but like...
Bet
Cee: howd it go..
Bet
Cee: hmm..
Bet
Cee: can you know without actually knowing?
Bet
Cee: that kinda thing
Bet
Cee: i thikn they knew my dad drank
whaleman11:
yes or knowing and not wanting to
know
Bet
Cee: i think they knew he had a short temper
Bet
Cee: they just didnt put it all togehter
Bet
Cee: right but then..
Bet Cee: im trying to remember
like the order
Bet
Cee: things at home got worse...
Bet
Cee: uncle my dads best friend...committed suicide
Bet
Cee: grandpa died...
Bet
Cee: things at home got worse
Bet
Cee: boyfriend and i broke up
Bet Cee: i left
whaleman11:
i am jsut shakingmy head here
whaleman11:
it seems like somebody could have stopped it
Bet
Cee: my dad needed help
Bet
Cee: but no one saw it i guess
whaleman11:
well you needed help too
Bet
Cee: you know what i mean...
Bet
Cee: he was hurting
Bet
Cee: and i dont think he knew how to handle it
Bet Cee: and things just keep
getting harder
whaleman11:
for him and for you
Bet
Cee: and my mom too i gues
Bet
Cee: although..
Bet
Cee: out of everyone
Bet
Cee: i hat her
Bet
Cee: not him
Bet
Cee: i hate her
Bet
Cee: she should have seen what was going on
Bet
Cee: and she should have gotten involved
Bet
Cee: and she should have gotten him help
Bet
Cee: and she should have protected me
whaleman11: i can see that
Bet
Cee: instead
Bet
Cee: she turned the other way
Bet
Cee: and helped him beat the shit out of me
Bet
Cee: fuck her
Bet Cee: selfish woman
whaleman11:
or afraid
Bet
Cee: they fought bad too
Bet
Cee: thats the fucked up part
Bet
Cee: ugh...
Bet Cee: its complicated
Bet
Cee: she wasnt afraid of him
Bet Cee: she was afraid to lose
him
whaleman11:
yea itis never simple
whaleman11:
is she pretty? thin? heavy? tall ? short?
Bet
Cee: i think she used to be pretty
Bet
Cee: but shes heavy
Bet
Cee: and tall
whaleman11:
just curious
whaleman11:
what about your dad, big man?
Bet
Cee: like strong
Bet
Cee: not like fat
whaleman11:
but a big guy?
Bet
Cee: ya
whaleman11:
reason i ask is it seems a lot of men who beat
up women are little guys
Bet
Cee: interesting....
Bet
Cee: i got it
whaleman11:
it just sounds like an intolerable situation
whaleman11:
with no way out
Bet
Cee: so i made a way out
whaleman11:
without much planning
whaleman11:
but you did get away from it
Bet
Cee: errr
whaleman11:
and i bet to them it was all your fault
Bet
Cee: right
Bet
Cee: i duno...
Bet
Cee: like yes
Bet
Cee: but i duno how much of it was my fault and how
much of it wasnt
whaleman11:
some days I just want to put my arms around you
and protect you
whaleman11:
ok now here is something to think about and
mybe why the psychologist is digging
whaleman11:
at the age this was happneeing maybe you did
agitate some of it
whaleman11:
but from birth your parents created the
atmospher in which it all grew
whaleman11:
their failures as parents earlier led to
greater failures later but later, you could see it and at times reblel
whaleman11:
and when you gorw up in a home like that, you
have no way of knowing itis not nromal
whaleman11:
the way it is everywhere
Bet
Cee: ya...
Bet
Cee: i could tolerate it until my uncle deied
whaleman11:
and that's when it really got worse?
Bet
Cee: ya
whaleman11:
how long was that before you took off
Bet
Cee: maybe like little more than 6 months
whaleman11:
ohhh taht soon
whaleman11:
i pictured a year or two
Bet
Cee: omg no
whaleman11:
and you were a junior in high school
whaleman11:
?
Bet
Cee: ya
Bet
Cee: i just think too many things happened to fast
whaleman11:
sounds like it
whaleman11:
iwould like to talk sometime about that first
night or two
Bet
Cee: when i left?
whaleman11:
yes
Bet
Cee: lol ok
Bet
Cee: parents...cant live with them and cant live
withoutt hem
whaleman11:
lol for sure
Bet Cee: and there isnt much to
say about the first few nights
whaleman11:
well like where did you stay? what did you eat,
how didyou get out of town, did youleave right a way
Bet
Cee: did i say too much?
Bet
Cee: you got quiet
Bet
Cee: that makes me nervous...
whaleman11:
did you have a destination
whaleman11:
lol don't let it you stop and think
sometimes too
Bet
Cee: k...
Bet
Cee: what r u thinking about
whaleman11:
but we can talk about this some other time
whaleman11:
don't let my silence make you nervous
whaleman11:
sometimes you go quiet while you think too
whaleman11:
making more sense?
Bet
Cee: ya
whaleman11:
ok good
whaleman11:
and sorry hunger isovertaking me
whaleman11:
not to mention yawns
Bet
Cee: oh no!
Bet
Cee: its too early
Bet
Cee: i am putting you to sleep!
Bet
Cee: lol thats terrible
Bet
Cee: its like i put you through family videos
Bet
Cee: lol
Bet
Cee: and now you have to politely smile
whaleman11:
haha if i see ONE more brthday cake i am going
too scream
Bet
Cee: birthdday cake?
whaleman11:
in the videos
Bet
Cee: k...
whaleman11:
supposed to be funny
whaleman11:
guess it wasn't
whaleman11:
i tried
Bet
Cee: you are so good
Bet
Cee: lol
Bet
Cee: dinner time?
whaleman11:
what the heck makes you say tht?
whaleman11:
good not dinner
Bet
Cee: lol
Bet
Cee: youre just a good guy
Bet
Cee: thats all
whaleman11:
thank you
whaleman11:
haven't been called that much in my life
Bet
Cee: really?
whaleman11:
really
Bet
Cee: well...you are
whaleman11:
thank you
whaleman11:
again
Bet
Cee: i like talking to you
whaleman11:
i enjoy it too Betsy
Bet
Cee: you make me feel safe
whaleman11:
i want to do that and i want to maky you feel
loved too
Bet
Cee: that makes me uncomfy
whaleman11:
more than that, I want you to BE safe
Bet
Cee: but we can talk about that anothertime
Bet
Cee: im safe here...
whaleman11:
yes you are
whaleman11:
iand i have felt so good about that all year
whaleman11:
i don't have to leave you at night and wonder
if you will be there in the morning
Bet
Cee: hahah ur probobly the first person who has ever
wondered about that
Bet
Cee: and ya its pretty cool to not have to spend all
dayworrying where im gonna be that night
-->
True that birth is not always the best choice to make for a child. Not having a life is probably much better than a lifetime of neglect and punishment. That's not too hard to understand when you've seen kids who have lived through that. Kids are not like a sack of flour you can leave on a shelf somewhere until a buyer comes along who wants the product.
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