Monday, December 23, 2019

A couple of items from the East Pole Journal


Major problem with a 48-year-old solution
48 years old and still cooking

In many ways this year has been the easiest for moving to the East Pole and re-establishing my residence. That was mostly due to my plan to come out for a few days with a light load, put in trails, then go out for the major part of my stuff and perishable foods that I didn't want to freeze. In that way I made it up to the cabin first try with the heavier loads of the second trip and didn't have to bring stuff up one small sled load at a time pulled up by hand,
As a result I've only had one major problem and still haven't solved it. Last year on the day I was leaving I bumped a section of the pipe that feeds propane to my lights and stove and it broke at a soldered joint. This stuff was put in years ago by a professional plumber who happened to have a cabin across the way and offered to do it for nothing. It has held up for more than 30 years so I have no complaint. But now I am faced with a plumbing problem I haven't been able to solve. I've come out four times with pieces and parts and only finally connected at least the stove and one light to the propane tank. But, I only got to use it one night and overnight a leak somewhere in the line (fortunately outdoors) leaked and emptied the tank. I had tested them all with hot soapy water. You coat the joint with that and any leak should create a bubble. I figured out later that the solution froze before a tiny leak could show up. I went through them all again and loosened, then tightened (with brass fittings you can turn them too tight and it will stretch the threads) all the fittings in the line. I turned on the propane and used hotter water but it still froze quickly and I do not trust it. As this is attached to my second tank I am afraid to turn it on and lose that whole tankful also.
Meanwhile I have been cooking on a two-burner Coleman stove which is fine until you need an oven and therein lies the problem. I brought a prime rib roast for Christmas eve dinner and a rack of lamb for New Year's Day and have been fretting about how to cook them without an oven. I have a cast iron dutch oven and cleaned it up today to look it over as a possibility on the wood stove. A pot roast recipe I found on the internet looked like it would work,  but a prime rib deserves better treatment.
So, anyway I am out on the porch watching the hypnotizing chickadees flitting back and forth around the feeder and I leaned back and banged my head on something metal that rattled. Bingo! I do believe I said that out loud. Holy crap. I have a top-of-the-line Weber grill that has all the fittings to handle a roast. I have roasted turkeys in it; and prime rib roasts. I bought it for $72 which was a half price deal my neighbor in Chicago arranged in 1972. It is 26 inches in diameter and has racks you use to separate the fire into two and place a drip pan between them to catch the juices. It has traveled with me from Chicago to Anchorage and finally to the East Pole, though I seldom use it. That's probably why it didn't come to mind right away. The last time I think was four years ago when a friend brought a couple of steaks out. So, woo hoo. Even with a working oven I might have done that roast in the grill if I had thought of it. Christmas Eve dinner is saved.

Things that go "creeaacckk" in the night
Yesterday at twilight I was standing on the deck and heard some thrashing and crashing in the woods at the bottom of the hill. At first it sounded like something heavy walking through breaking underbrush. There's a lot of it sticking up out of the snow. But, it didn't seem to move. I was moving in and out of the house and every time I went out I listened and it was still going on. My imagination started running out of control. A bear out in winter tearing into a fallen tree? A wolverine? This went on for two or three hours and I swear I even heard some movement as I was shutting things down to go to bed around 10 p.m.
Different year, different moose.
I heard a crack down there when I went out around 2 a.m. as well. Here's how spooked I was. I keep a cooler full of frozen meat outdoors buried in the snow. That usually works at least until mid March. I started to think if some unusual critter made those noises, what if it found my cooler. Once again discretion the better part of valor I brought the cooler indoors for the night and put it in the coolest part of the cabin.
In the morning nothing felt the least like any thawing had taken place
     Once daylight made it possible, I took the snowmachine down the hill to look around. Moose. It looked like the critter had chewed its way through several thickets of twigs and then laid down to sleep. The moose-sized sleep hole had melted all the way down to the grass so it must have spent an undisturbed night there. I'm glad that's all it was.
I did feel a little sheepish taking my cooler outdoors to bury it again, but that's life in the big woods.
UPDATE: I drove the snowmachine down there the next day to look around and for sure it was a moose. By the tracks I could tell it moved from thicket to thicket through several of them and chewed them down. Then the big hole in the snow indicated where it slept the night, stayed so long the snow melted down to the grass underneath. Mystery solved.
East Pole Journal
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Best headlines ever

Naked pair fed LSD gummy worm to dog

Owners of a Noah's Ark replica file a lawsuit over rain damage

In Southcentral Alaska earthquake, damage originated in the ground, engineers say

A headline that could only be written in Alaska: At state cross country, Glacier Bears and Grizzlies sweep, Lynx repeat, Wolverines make history — and a black bear crosses the trail

Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Alabama governor candidate caught in lesbian sperm donation scandal

Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.

Man caught driving stolen car filled with radioactive uranium, rattlesnake, whiskey

Man loses his testicles after attempting to smoke weed through a SCUBA tank

Church Mutual Insurance won't cover Church's flood damage because it's 'an act of God'

Homicide victims rarely talk to police

Meerkat Expert Attacked Monkey Handler Over Love Affair with Llama Keeper

GOP congressman opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy

Support for legalizing pot hits all-time high

Give me all your money or my penguin will explode

How zombie worms have sex in whale bones

Crocodile steals zoo worker's lawn mower

Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles

Nude beach blowjob jet ski fight leads to wife's death

Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

GOPer files complaint against Democrat for telling the truth about Big Lie social posts

Man shot dead on Syracuse Street for 2nd time in 2 days

Alaska woman punches bear in face, saves dog

Johnny Rotten suffers flea bite on his penis after rescuing squirrel

Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.― Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”―Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Commenting on an athlete with hearing impairment he said the player didn’t show any “uncomfortability.” “He's not doing things he can't do."

"… there's a fearlessment about him …"

"He's got to have the lead if he's going to win this race." "

"Kansas has always had the ability to score with the basketball."

"NFL to put computer chips in balls." Oh, that's gotta hurt.

"Now that you're in the finals you have to run the race that's going to get you on the podium."

"It's very important for both sides that they stay on their feet."

This is why you get to hate sportscasters. Kansas beats Texas for the first time since 1938. So the pundits open their segment with the question "let's talk about what went wrong." Wrong? Kansas WON a football game! That's what went RIGHT!

"I brought out the thermostat to show you how cold it is here." Points to a thermometer reading zero in Minneapolis.

"It's tough to win on the road when you turn the ball over." Oh, really? Like you can do all right if you turn the ball over playing at home?

Cliches so embedded in sportscasters' minds they can't help themselves: "Minnesota fell from the ranks of the undefeated today." What ranks? They were the only undefeated team left.

A good one: A 5'10" player went up and caught a pass off a defensive back over six feet tall. The quote? "He's got some hops."

Best homonym of the day so far: "It's all tied. Alabama 34, Kentucky 3." Oh, Tide.

"Steve Hooker commentates on his Olympic pole vault gold medal." When "comments" just won't do.

"He's certainly capable of the top ten, maybe even higher than that."

"Atlanta is capable of doing what they're doing."

"Biyombo, one of seven kids from the Republic of Congo." In the NBA? In America? In his whole country?

"You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive."

"They're gonna be in every game they play!"

"First you have to get two strikes on the hitter before you get the strikeout."

"The game ended in the final seconds." You have to wonder when the others ended or are they still going on?

How is a team down by one touchdown before the half "totally demoralized?"

"If they score runs they will win."

"I think the matchup is what it is"

After a play a Houston defender was on his knees, his head on the ground and his hand underneath him appeared to clutch a very sensitive part of the male anatomy. He rolled onto his back and quickly removed his hand. (Remember the old Cosby routine "you cannot touch certain parts of your body?") Finally they helped the guy to the sideline and then the replay was shown. In it the guy clearly took a hard knee between his thighs. As this was being shown, one of the announcers says, "It looks like he hurt his shoulder." The other agrees and then they both talk about how serious a shoulder injury can be. Were we watching the same game?

"Somebody is going to be the quarterback or we're going to see a new quarterback."

"That was a playmaker making a play.”