Wednesday, December 9, 2020

East Pole Journal Volume II 2020-21, Episode 1

December 9, 2020


How I continue to love nature except for one particular moose

I made my first trip to the East Pole this week. I say first because this is a short one. I have usually had problems getting up the hill to the cabin until a good trail is broken out and tamped down in the snow and that means leaving a lot of stuff down in the woods below the hill. Last year I tried something new and came out for only three or four days with a light load. I spent the whole time getting set up and in particular blazing my trails so when I make the second trip with the bulk of my outfit, I will have better luck getting it all to the cabin.

True to form I got the snowmachine stuck about halfway between the main trail and the cabin, that was even after leaving half my load behind. I put on the snowshoes and started trudging up the trail carrying a small knapsack full of vital stuff and my computer briefcase. That was when I discovered exactly what poor shape I am in. After about 20 feet or so I dropped the knapsack and after another 20 feet there went the computer. Still it was trudge 5 or 10 steps and rest, rinse and repeat. I have no idea how long it took but I do know I was whipped by the time I reached the cabin. Always thankful for my foresight, the fire I had left laid in the wood stove took off with one match. That was about all I was capable of for most of the rest of the day from late afternoon. That was Sunday.

Monday not feeling much better I headed down the hill, the only goal in mind to bring the snowmachine tipped right side up and level. A little shoveling that worked. I liberated a couple cans of chili and the next season of Game of Thrones along with that knapsack and computer bag and headed back up hill putting in much the same effort with the same exhaustion as the day before. Come Tuesday I headed down again, my only goal to start the machine and get it unstuck. Again, I took some vitals in the sled and went back up the hill.  Overnight I thought about how I would turn it around. With trepidation I headed downhill, but it took only a little shoveling and I started to drive it out of there.

That was when I learned about this detestable moose. You see when moose go to sleep they first dig down to ground level, hoping for edible grass or maybe a warmer bed. Then they flop and over the course of several hours of sleep pretty much melt a hole in the snow also down to grass level. This particular moose had made its bed right in the middle of my trail, a sure snowmachine catcher. I’d say it was probably six feet by six feet and two feet deep. I know it took me at least half an hour to fill it in and stomp it down so I could drive over it. I didn’t anticipate road work when I signed on for this gig.

With that done I was able to drive the machine to a wider level area where I could turn it around without a lot of heavy lifting. That accomplished I went out to the main trail, picked up what I’d left there and brought it all to one place. Then I tossed some more vitals into a light sled and tried the rest of the hill. I got about halfway up, maybe a couple of hundred feet and stuck again. I unhooked the sled and tugged it up the rest of the hill. Tomorrow I will turn the machine around headed out and hooked up for when I go out Friday. Out for probably a week and then back for the rest of the winter.

COOLERS THAT DON’T

Most people including myself usually buy a cooler to keep the beer and other stuff cold during outdoor summer activities. In addition to that I look at how one might prevent perishables from freezing during winter activities. Last year I bought a very expensive, double-walled, super insulated cooler and it worked fairly well. Tonight I discovered just how well it works. I didn’t bring the cooler up today, but I did bring some of its contents: four bottles of Ensure, half a dozen small juice bottles and a gallon thermos full of milk. That cooler has been outdoors since about 7 a.m. Sunday morning until 3 p.m. Wednesday, about three and a half days in temperatures mostly in the low 20s. Nothing was frozen. And I will tell you cold milk after being without it for several days is one of the great joys in life. I don’t regret the expense involved.

IN OTHER NEWS

Social distancing didn’t work. Just about 24 hours after I filled the feeder, the horde of chickadees showed up.

So, all told I hope this is a prelude to another great winter at the East Pole. Watch this space.

 

East Pole Journal

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Memorable quotations

The best way to know you are having an adventure is when you wish you were home talking about it." — a mechanic on the Alaska State Ferry System. Or as in my own case planning how I will be writing it on this blog.

"You can't promote principled anti-corruption without pissing off corrupt people." — George Kent

"If only the British had held on to the airports, the whole thing might have gone differently for us." — Mick Jagger

"You can do anything as long as you don't scare the horses." — a mother's favorite saying recalled by a friend

A poem is an egg with a horse inside” — anonymous fourth grader

“My children will likely turn my picture to the wall but what the hell, you only get old once." — Joe May

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Ernest Hemingway

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.― Kurt Vonnegut

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a cheque, if you cashed the cheque and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”―Stephen King

The thing about ignorance is, you don't have to remain ignorant. — me again"

"It was like the aftermath of an orgasm with the wrong partner." – David Lagercrants “The Girl in the Spider’s Web.”

Why worry about dying, you aren't going to live to regret it.

Never debate with someone who gets ink by the barrel" — George Hayes, former Alaska Attorney General who died recently

My dear Mr. Frost: two roads never diverge in a yellow wood. Three roads meet there. — @Shakespeare on Twitter

Normal is how somebody else thinks you should act.

"The mark of a great shiphandler is never getting into situations that require great shiphandling," Adm. Ernest King, USN

Me: Does the restaurant have cute waitresses?

My friend Gail: All waitresses are cute when you're hungry.

I'm not a writer, but sometimes I push around words to see what happens. – Scott Berry

I realized today how many of my stories start out "years ago." What's next? Once upon a time?"

“The rivers of Alaska are strewn with the bones of men who made but one mistake” - Fred McGarry, a Nushagak Trapper

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stared at walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing. – Meg Chittenden

A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. – Franz Kafka

We are all immortal until the one day we are not. – me again

If the muse is late, start without her – Peter S. Beagle

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. ~Mark Twain Actually you could do the same thing with the word "really" as in "really cold."

If you are looking for an experience that will temper your vanity, this is it. There's no one to impress when you're alone on the trap line. – Michael Carey quoting his father's journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. – Benjamin Franklin

It’s nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of. – Shirley Hazzard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence -- Bertrand Russell

You know that I always just wanted to have a small ship to take stuff from a place that had a lot of that stuff to a place that did not have a lot of that stuff and so prosper.—Jackie Faber, “The Wake of the Lorelei Lee”

If you attack the arguer instead of the argument, you lose both

If an insurance company won’t pay for damages caused by an “act of God,” shouldn’t it then have to prove the existence of God? – I said that

I used to think getting old was about vanity—but actually it’s about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial. – Eugene O’Neill

German General to Swiss General: “You have only 500,000 men in your army; what would you do if I invaded with 1 million men?”

Swiss General: “Well, I suppose every one of my soldiers would need to fire twice.”

Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don’t feel I should be doing something else.—Gloria Steinem

Exceed your bandwidth—sign on the wall of the maintenance shop at the West Coast/Alaska Tsunami Warning Center

One thing I do know, if you keep at it, you usually wind up getting something done.—Patricia Monaghan

Do you want to know what kind of person makes the best reporter? I’ll tell you. A borderline sociopath. Someone smart, inquisitive, stubborn, disorganized, chaotic, and in a perpetual state of simmering rage at the failings of the world.—Brett Arends

It is a very simple mind that only knows how to spell a word one way.—Andrew Jackson

3:30 is too late or too early to do anything—Rene Descartes

Everything is okay when it’s 50-below as long as everything is okay. – an Alaskan in Tom Walker’s “The Seventymile Kid”

You can have your own opinion but you can’t have your own science.—commenter arguing on a story about polar bears and global warming

He looks at three ex wives as a good start—TV police drama

Talkeetna: A friendly little drinking town with a climbing problem.—a handmade bumper sticker

“You’re either into the wall or into the show”—Marco Andretti on giving it all to qualify last at the 2011 Indy 500

Makeup is not for the faint of heart—the makeup guerrilla

“I’m going to relax in a very adult manner.”—Danica Patrick after sweating it out and qualifying half an hour before Andretti

“Asking Congress to come back is like asking a mugger to come back because he forgot your wallet.”—a roundtable participant on Fox of all places

As Republicans go further back in the conception process to define when life actually begins, I am beginning to think the eventual definition will be life begins in the beer I was drinking when I met her.—me again

Hunting is a “critical element for the long-term conservation of wood bison.”—a state department of Fish and Game official explaining why the state would not go along with a federal plan to reintroduce wood bison in Alaska because the agreement did not specifically allow hunting

Each day do something that won’t compute – anon

I can’t belive I still have to protest this shit – a sign carriend by an elderly woman at an Occupy demonstration

Life should be a little nuts or else it’s just a bunch of Thursdays strung together—Kevin Costner as Beau Burroughs in “Rumor has it”

You’re just a wanker whipping up fear —Irish President Michael D. Higgins to a tea party radio announcer

Being president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are—Michelle Obama

Sports malaprops

Commenting on an athlete with hearing impairment he said the player didn’t show any “uncomfortability.” “He's not doing things he can't do."

"… there's a fearlessment about him …"

"He's got to have the lead if he's going to win this race." "

"Kansas has always had the ability to score with the basketball."

"NFL to put computer chips in balls." Oh, that's gotta hurt.

"Now that you're in the finals you have to run the race that's going to get you on the podium."

"It's very important for both sides that they stay on their feet."

This is why you get to hate sportscasters. Kansas beats Texas for the first time since 1938. So the pundits open their segment with the question "let's talk about what went wrong." Wrong? Kansas WON a football game! That's what went RIGHT!

"I brought out the thermostat to show you how cold it is here." Points to a thermometer reading zero in Minneapolis.

"It's tough to win on the road when you turn the ball over." Oh, really? Like you can do all right if you turn the ball over playing at home?

Cliches so embedded in sportscasters' minds they can't help themselves: "Minnesota fell from the ranks of the undefeated today." What ranks? They were the only undefeated team left.

A good one: A 5'10" player went up and caught a pass off a defensive back over six feet tall. The quote? "He's got some hops."

Best homonym of the day so far: "It's all tied. Alabama 34, Kentucky 3." Oh, Tide.

"Steve Hooker commentates on his Olympic pole vault gold medal." When "comments" just won't do.

"He's certainly capable of the top ten, maybe even higher than that."

"Atlanta is capable of doing what they're doing."

"Biyombo, one of seven kids from the Republic of Congo." In the NBA? In America? In his whole country?

"You can't come out and be aggressive but you can't come out and be unaggressive."

"They're gonna be in every game they play!"

"First you have to get two strikes on the hitter before you get the strikeout."

"The game ended in the final seconds." You have to wonder when the others ended or are they still going on?

How is a team down by one touchdown before the half "totally demoralized?"

"If they score runs they will win."

"I think the matchup is what it is"

After a play a Houston defender was on his knees, his head on the ground and his hand underneath him appeared to clutch a very sensitive part of the male anatomy. He rolled onto his back and quickly removed his hand. (Remember the old Cosby routine "you cannot touch certain parts of your body?") Finally they helped the guy to the sideline and then the replay was shown. In it the guy clearly took a hard knee between his thighs. As this was being shown, one of the announcers says, "It looks like he hurt his shoulder." The other agrees and then they both talk about how serious a shoulder injury can be. Were we watching the same game?

"Somebody is going to be the quarterback or we're going to see a new quarterback."

"That was a playmaker making a play.”